Recieved a b-day card from ex

[forsaken1]

Hi there. I am a newbie here and am need of some serious advice. I am going nuts and feel as though my soul is totally restless over this and even more so with the recent unexplained contact from him. I appreciate anyone's time to read this (I know its long but I want to give a little background) and let me know your thoughts, advice or words of wisdom men and womens point of view.

 

I was with my ex boyfriend for 12 years we were living together. In October 2010 I had a falling out with my mom and we lived in a place she legally owned but was my place. When the falling out took place she made life hell for us and we were forced to move. This was very hard on me and I sunk into a depression. He and I had a strain placed on us over this whole ordeal. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage and during this time he even began to act differently towards her like trying to enforce house rules on her at the new place but at that point she was almost 18 so she decided to live with her dad fulltime because of it. So my depression increased with that added in the mix. While I was in my depression I slept a lot and didn't want to go out places and we were a fairly social couple before all of this. He would complain on and off about it and I felt completely unsupported by him emotionally.

 

Needless to say in February 2011 I discovered he had some sort of relationship/friendship with someone. This was someone who he use to work with (thanks to google I found out that part) she was married and he was supposedly doing some freelance work for her on a small business she and her husband were opening (he is a graphic designer). Sounds innocent and normal however, when I learned of her I asked him who she was and he denied three times even knowing her. Then he admitted knowing her and gave me the story above. I could not understand why he wouldn't have just said that from the get go if it was all innocent and business oriented. His excuse for lying was because I would have gotten mad and made the wrong assumptions. I have had trust issues in the past but this was baffling.

 

So I took it upon myself to email her. She denied any romantic involvement and pretty much said the same thing. BUT got extremely defensive when I asked something to the affect of if there was something going on between them that he husband should be made aware of. She offered for me to talk to her husband which I never did and she told me she was firing my ex from the job she was working on with him after I told her he denied even knowing her. I of course went off the deep end with him and was just so extremely hurt and at first he wanted to go to counseling at that time I was not ready I was dealing with a medication for my depression and was transition to a new one and was having a very tough time with it. This was the first real major thing to come up between us (at least that I found out about) and I was devastated. So clouded mind equaled clouded thinking and judgment for me I said a lot of nasty, mean and hurtful things out of hurt & anger.

 

He began to sleep on the couch and we fought a lot. After about a month I was starting to adjust on my new medication and I did a lot thinking and I made up mind I wasn't going to let this come between us and I approached him and gave him a complete apology owing up to my words and actions and expressed how deeply sorry I was and asked to go to counseling to work through this but now he no longer wanted too. He said I hurt him badly but the things I said and didn't feel there was hope for us any longer.

 

So I asked him what we were to do...I of course wanted to save our relationship and was willing to put forth any effort to do so. Instead he remained in this limbo state, we were basically ships passing in the night. Every time I would bring up working on the relationship it would end up in fighting. We had 2 dogs together and that basically was all that was connecting us. He remained on that couch until he finally moved out in November 2011 to his dads.

 

The initial arrangement was he was going to help with the rent for 3 months and would help continue to help with the care of the dogs (I work very early morning hours) until I figured out how I would afford to stay there on my own since I couldn't. When the 3rd month came I asked him so this is it, no more rent and asked him again if he was sure he didn't want to work on things. He wouldn't really answer but gave another check... Well that turned out to go on until June 2013. During that year and half he came over 6 days a week to take care of the dogs, bought their food, paid his half of the rent and we use to meet up in the evenings with them to take them to run around. So I began to feel as thought it was his way of keeping the door open because he wasn't 100% sure and was having a really hard time letting go. I always felt he used the dogs as an excuse. But that arrangement although it helped me financially and with my dogs began to take its toll emotionally. I couldn't handle it I couldn't handle seeing him and he would act exactly the way he would when we were tighter but no romantic/sexual contact. So there was a lot of false hope which lead to more and more fighting that just kept mounting. It was an unhealthy situation.

 

In March 2013 he approached me asking me if he could take one of the dogs permanently and I keep the other and I wasn't willing to separate them. He fought a couple of weeks with me on that and then said he wouldn't fight anymore I could keep her but was still coming over for them. I had sent one of the dogs to an in-kennel training program for 3 weeks which was very expensive. When he asked for the one dog he tried to bargain for her by saying he would pay the entire training bill for him if I let him have her. I refused. Finally in June of this year he gave me a final rent check with a note saying he could no longer continue to pay and about 2 weeks later he came to the house and returned the house keys in my mailbox while I was at work no prior notice and just sends a 2 line text message "I dropped off dog treats on the porch and the house keys in the mailbox". I immediately suspected it was because he must've gotten involved with someone to just abruptly do that. I texted him "so that's it" and he said yes It has to be. And I didn't hear a single thing from him for 2 months now.

 

So here we are at the end of August, no contact, I have left him completely alone and as hard as this has been and as much as I never wanted to accept he was gone I began to over these past 2 months. I have had to do all sorts of creative things to manage my rent and household for the time being. I've had to be ultra strong and face all those fears I had and damn right I' am doing it! But 2 weeks ago on a Friday I got home and picked up my mail in there was a plain envelope someone had dropped in my box with mine and the dogs names written on it. I did not even recognize his writing but yup it was from him with a short note saying he was giving me a check for half of the training fees and hoped the training helped him and hoped we were all doing well. And said" LOVE",____. Now first thing I am thinking is, W-H-A-T? Why all of a sudden 2 months later do you decide to come and give me a check. At first I was a little leery about even accepting it because I thought to myself is this opening the door to crazy-ville again. After talking to a few friends they all convinced me to take the check and just thank him. So I did. I kept it very simple thanked him and did not address anything about the training whether it helped or not and that was that.

 

He then replied back saying your more than welcome and no direct questions but was making statements again about the dogs. He put them in a way so I could answer. But I didn't. Then my birthday was Thursday and I get a birthday text from him all happy and upbeat just wishing me a HB hope I m having a good day with happy facessss. UGH, then I get home and to find he mailed me a card he's an artist so he hand painted a card with an elephant (my favorite animal) basically saying the same thing and said hope this little elephant brings a smile to your face and using "LOVE____" again. He hadn't used the word LOVE post break-up in anything he had given me. So I broke down in tears thinking how could he do this to me knowing how horrible the break-up has been on me and knowing full well I wanted to be with him to the very end and he just threw me and the dogs away like yesterday's garbage. I felt terrible. But I just sent a simple thank you. He then texts again about nothing really and I responded that it was ok now birthday time is over he didn't need to keep texting me. The next day my friends son sees him at a local bowling alley with.... you guessed it...a girl and her son! They said hello to each other so he knew full well I would find out. I WAS LIVID. More for the fact, that okay, if he's with someone WHY is he texting me all of a sudden and sending me a card with very personalized things in it?? 2 hours later he texts me like absolutely nothing only this time he has 10 direct questions about the dogs. So I texted him and went off saying how dare he be texting me while he's with someone and that I didn't appreciate that and felt it was disrespectful and basically he shouldn't be doing that to me or her! I said I had no idea why he would be reaching out and sending me a card and I also said that I felt that he was involved with someone when he returned the keys and disappeared the way he did and that they wouldn't be hard to find and I had a good mind to let her know about this because I feel that is just deceitful on his part! Plus I am mad how he handled things with me and I just cant believe he would be doing this to me knowing all the hurt he caused me.

 

I don't hear anything for 2 days then I get an email apologizing for everything he's put me through and that and he starts talking about the past that he has realized in hindsight how poorly he handled things and now has to live with that. Just a lot of explanations on things that are dead in the water now. He said he "sent me a card because my birthday was always something that mattered and he was just trying to be nice".

 

He then points out that some things in my text are inaccurate especially about returning the house keys saying "it had nothing to do with being involved with somebody, that wasn't the then or now. It was never a factor, but I see how it seemed it that way". I have no idea what he means by this.

 

Then ends it by basically saying I doesn't have all the answers and admits there were things he could've handled better and more productively and was truly sorry for all the hurt & pain he caused me and that he doesn't want to be forgiven he not even looking for that because he doesn't think that's possible at this point but just wants to know that he acknowledged things he's responsible for and wishes he could express how sincerely sorry he is.

 

So I have no clue what his angle is or if there even is an angle. What is the motivation here and is this more of a selfish thing for himself and his own guilt he may be feeling? So confused and heartbroken.

[NoLeafClover]

Hi there. I am a newbie here and am need of some serious advice. I am going nuts and feel as though my soul is totally restless over this and even more so with the recent unexplained contact from him. I appreciate anyone's time to read this (I know its long but I want to give a little background) and let me know your thoughts, advice or words of wisdom men and womens point of view.

 

I was with my ex boyfriend for 12 years we were living together. In October 2010 I had a falling out with my mom and we lived in a place she legally owned but was my place. When the falling out took place she made life hell for us and we were forced to move. This was very hard on me and I sunk into a depression. He and I had a strain placed on us over this whole ordeal. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage and during this time he even began to act differently towards her like trying to enforce house rules on her at the new place but at that point she was almost 18 so she decided to live with her dad fulltime because of it. So my depression increased with that added in the mix. While I was in my depression I slept a lot and didn't want to go out places and we were a fairly social couple before all of this. He would complain on and off about it and I felt completely unsupported by him emotionally.

 

Needless to say in February 2011 I discovered he had some sort of relationship/friendship with someone. This was someone who he use to work with (thanks to google I found out that part) she was married and he was supposedly doing some freelance work for her on a small business she and her husband were opening (he is a graphic designer). Sounds innocent and normal however, when I learned of her I asked him who she was and he denied three times even knowing her. Then he admitted knowing her and gave me the story above. I could not understand why he wouldn't have just said that from the get go if it was all innocent and business oriented. His excuse for lying was because I would have gotten mad and made the wrong assumptions. I have had trust issues in the past but this was baffling.

 

So I took it upon myself to email her. She denied any romantic involvement and pretty much said the same thing. BUT got extremely defensive when I asked something to the affect of if there was something going on between them that he husband should be made aware of. She offered for me to talk to her husband which I never did and she told me she was firing my ex from the job she was working on with him after I told her he denied even knowing her. I of course went off the deep end with him and was just so extremely hurt and at first he wanted to go to counseling at that time I was not ready I was dealing with a medication for my depression and was transition to a new one and was having a very tough time with it. This was the first real major thing to come up between us (at least that I found out about) and I was devastated. So clouded mind equaled clouded thinking and judgment for me I said a lot of nasty, mean and hurtful things out of hurt & anger.

 

He began to sleep on the couch and we fought a lot. After about a month I was starting to adjust on my new medication and I did a lot thinking and I made up mind I wasn't going to let this come between us and I approached him and gave him a complete apology owing up to my words and actions and expressed how deeply sorry I was and asked to go to counseling to work through this but now he no longer wanted too. He said I hurt him badly but the things I said and didn't feel there was hope for us any longer.

 

So I asked him what we were to do...I of course wanted to save our relationship and was willing to put forth any effort to do so. Instead he remained in this limbo state, we were basically ships passing in the night. Every time I would bring up working on the relationship it would end up in fighting. We had 2 dogs together and that basically was all that was connecting us. He remained on that couch until he finally moved out in November 2011 to his dads.

 

The initial arrangement was he was going to help with the rent for 3 months and would help continue to help with the care of the dogs (I work very early morning hours) until I figured out how I would afford to stay there on my own since I couldn't. When the 3rd month came I asked him so this is it, no more rent and asked him again if he was sure he didn't want to work on things. He wouldn't really answer but gave another check... Well that turned out to go on until June 2013. During that year and half he came over 6 days a week to take care of the dogs, bought their food, paid his half of the rent and we use to meet up in the evenings with them to take them to run around. So I began to feel as thought it was his way of keeping the door open because he wasn't 100% sure and was having a really hard time letting go. I always felt he used the dogs as an excuse. But that arrangement although it helped me financially and with my dogs began to take its toll emotionally. I couldn't handle it I couldn't handle seeing him and he would act exactly the way he would when we were tighter but no romantic/sexual contact. So there was a lot of false hope which lead to more and more fighting that just kept mounting. It was an unhealthy situation.

 

In March 2013 he approached me asking me if he could take one of the dogs permanently and I keep the other and I wasn't willing to separate them. He fought a couple of weeks with me on that and then said he wouldn't fight anymore I could keep her but was still coming over for them. I had sent one of the dogs to an in-kennel training program for 3 weeks which was very expensive. When he asked for the one dog he tried to bargain for her by saying he would pay the entire training bill for him if I let him have her. I refused. Finally in June of this year he gave me a final rent check with a note saying he could no longer continue to pay and about 2 weeks later he came to the house and returned the house keys in my mailbox while I was at work no prior notice and just sends a 2 line text message "I dropped off dog treats on the porch and the house keys in the mailbox". I immediately suspected it was because he must've gotten involved with someone to just abruptly do that. I texted him "so that's it" and he said yes It has to be. And I didn't hear a single thing from him for 2 months now.

 

So here we are at the end of August, no contact, I have left him completely alone and as hard as this has been and as much as I never wanted to accept he was gone I began to over these past 2 months. I have had to do all sorts of creative things to manage my rent and household for the time being. I've had to be ultra strong and face all those fears I had and damn right I' am doing it! But 2 weeks ago on a Friday I got home and picked up my mail in there was a plain envelope someone had dropped in my box with mine and the dogs names written on it. I did not even recognize his writing but yup it was from him with a short note saying he was giving me a check for half of the training fees and hoped the training helped him and hoped we were all doing well. And said" LOVE",____. Now first thing I am thinking is, W-H-A-T? Why all of a sudden 2 months later do you decide to come and give me a check. At first I was a little leery about even accepting it because I thought to myself is this opening the door to crazy-ville again. After talking to a few friends they all convinced me to take the check and just thank him. So I did. I kept it very simple thanked him and did not address anything about the training whether it helped or not and that was that.

 

He then replied back saying your more than welcome and no direct questions but was making statements again about the dogs. He put them in a way so I could answer. But I didn't. Then my birthday was Thursday and I get a birthday text from him all happy and upbeat just wishing me a HB hope I m having a good day with happy facessss. UGH, then I get home and to find he mailed me a card he's an artist so he hand painted a card with an elephant (my favorite animal) basically saying the same thing and said hope this little elephant brings a smile to your face and using "LOVE____" again. He hadn't used the word LOVE post break-up in anything he had given me. So I broke down in tears thinking how could he do this to me knowing how horrible the break-up has been on me and knowing full well I wanted to be with him to the very end and he just threw me and the dogs away like yesterday's garbage. I felt terrible. But I just sent a simple thank you. He then texts again about nothing really and I responded that it was ok now birthday time is over he didn't need to keep texting me. The next day my friends son sees him at a local bowling alley with.... you guessed it...a girl and her son! They said hello to each other so he knew full well I would find out. I WAS LIVID. More for the fact, that okay, if he's with someone WHY is he texting me all of a sudden and sending me a card with very personalized things in it?? 2 hours later he texts me like absolutely nothing only this time he has 10 direct questions about the dogs. So I texted him and went off saying how dare he be texting me while he's with someone and that I didn't appreciate that and felt it was disrespectful and basically he shouldn't be doing that to me or her! I said I had no idea why he would be reaching out and sending me a card and I also said that I felt that he was involved with someone when he returned the keys and disappeared the way he did and that they wouldn't be hard to find and I had a good mind to let her know about this because I feel that is just deceitful on his part! Plus I am mad how he handled things with me and I just cant believe he would be doing this to me knowing all the hurt he caused me.

 

I don't hear anything for 2 days then I get an email apologizing for everything he's put me through and that and he starts talking about the past that he has realized in hindsight how poorly he handled things and now has to live with that. Just a lot of explanations on things that are dead in the water now. He said he "sent me a card because my birthday was always something that mattered and he was just trying to be nice".

 

He then points out that some things in my text are inaccurate especially about returning the house keys saying "it had nothing to do with being involved with somebody, that wasn't the then or now. It was never a factor, but I see how it seemed it that way". I have no idea what he means by this.

 

Then ends it by basically saying I doesn't have all the answers and admits there were things he could've handled better and more productively and was truly sorry for all the hurt & pain he caused me and that he doesn't want to be forgiven he not even looking for that because he doesn't think that's possible at this point but just wants to know that he acknowledged things he's responsible for and wishes he could express how sincerely sorry he is.

 

So I have no clue what his angle is or if there even is an angle. What is the motivation here and is this more of a selfish thing for himself and his own guilt he may be feeling? So confused and heartbroken.

Not to upset you or anything, but he really didn't have to pay half of your rent considering he didn't even live in that house anymore. I guess what I am trying to say is that not a lot of ex's would do that, let alone to send a check for months. You guys were not married and you guys did not have any contract together yet out of respect this guy seemed to willing and help you....

 

Who wants to pay half of a rent to an ex when they are not living there?

 

I think he had feelings for you but the fact that you guys were arguing that much was making it impossible to fix your issues. From everyone on here, I am sure you know better than when communication is gone, so is the respect for each other.

 

I do think he is feeling guilty for some of the things he has done. On the other hand it is very cruel of him to send you letters and texts out of nowhere. If you don't like that perhaps you should change your number and address.

 

You on the other hand, do not have any room to text him about how it's disrespectful that he is seeing someone else. Thing is, whether he is talking, seeing or screwing someone else is non of your business and it goes the same for him.

If you have a problem with him contacting you, it should not be because he is involved with someone else therefore that can't be right. Instead it's because it's bothering you and not letting you to move on.

 

It is painful but you can't expect someone that is an ex, to not date around or see others as if they have strings attached to you.

 

I feel for you and I hope you don't take my comments to heart because I am sure it's not what you want to hear. You need to work on yourself and start to hold yourself back from saying some things that shouldn't be said..most of which could possibly be speculations and things said out of anger. You don't know of this girl he was out with was a friend, co-worker, cousin etc etc...You are only speculating.

 

My ex was the same way. She could not trust me and always speculated something was up. It's fine to be insecure at first, but when things don't change and you're accused of cheating or being with other people things get very ugly quick.

 

Bottom line is...You choose to either trust or let go of the person you can't trust. Don't drag yourself into thinking that you can work it out if you can't trust the person.

 

Have you ever thought, perhaps he ACTUALLY cares about the dogs. Perhaps he doesn't want to be with you but is texting you because he wants to know how his dog is doing.

 

You were not willing to compromise with the dogs situation and wanted to keep them both....You need to put yourself in your partner's shoes when he had to be okay and also parted ways from the dogs. I am sure that was not easy for him either...now you have to deal with him having to bug you about how the dogs are doing. There is no such thing as a win-win situation in this case. Obviously something has to give.

 

Now if he doesn't have his name legally on paper for any of the dogs, you are not entitled to talk to him or respond to him about any of the dogs.

If you feel bothered by him contacting you about the dogs, you need to let him know how you feel or changed your number and apt/address or what not.

[forsaken1]

Thank you your reply. No worries on anything being taken to heart. You did misunderstand my text to him after learning of the girl pr maybe i wasn't clear. I told him it was disrespectful to me and to her to be texting me and making me personalized things. I know seeing another Is inevitable. Do I want to know, of course not. But It bothered me more that we severed ties he knows full well I didn't and couldn't remain friends and wanted no contact from him. Of course he misses one of the dogs but he told me he made peace with the fact he had to let her go. He is not the legal owner of either. I just don't think it's appropriate to contact someone who told you not too and I said especially if he's involved in another relationship I can't deal with it at this time. . You are totally right I don't know for sure if she wasnt just a friend or co-worker but I do strongly suspect that. He was never one to have female friends just to hang out so if anything it may be dating. But totally none of my business. I just feel its very selfish of him. The birthday card had zero to do with the dogs.

[Salvatore85]

I'm currently stuck in a lease with my ex. We separated our dogs, I took one she kept the other. I've been paying rent since February when I moved out because I did not want to ruin my credit and people honestly can't believe I keep paying. Needless to say she text me on my birthday and it sort of bothered me. As poorly as she treated me and the awful crap she did the fact that she wished me happy birthday along with well wishes aggravated me. I'm a no-contact guy so maybe the fact that I'm not begging her to come back annoys her but it was unnecessary in my opinion...

[NoLeafClover]

Thank you your reply. No worries on anything being taken to heart. You did misunderstand my text to him after learning of the girl pr maybe i wasn't clear. I told him it was disrespectful to me and to her to be texting me and making me personalized things. I know seeing another Is inevitable. Do I want to know, of course not. But It bothered me more that we severed ties he knows full well I didn't and couldn't remain friends and wanted no contact from him. Of course he misses one of the dogs but he told me he made peace with the fact he had to let her go. He is not the legal owner of either. I just don't think it's appropriate to contact someone who told you not too and I said especially if he's involved in another relationship I can't deal with it at this time. . You are totally right I don't know for sure if she wasnt just a friend or co-worker but I do strongly suspect that. He was never one to have female friends just to hang out so if anything it may be dating. But totally none of my business. I just feel its very selfish of him. The birthday card had zero to do with the dogs.

I know it bothers you as it would bother me as well but letting him know how you feel about it might actually push him further away or make it easier on him and harder on you. Because instead of just ignoring it, you have said something that got things going and that will only bring you back to day one when you started NC.

 

Are you still hoping to get back with him? Are you holding onto hope that he will come back?

 

What is that you truly want from all of this in the long run?

 

I ask myself such questions all the time and its the only thing that is holding me back from getting back with my ex (and I know I can get back with her) but I don't see myself with her in the long run. You have to be strong and learn to ignore and if you can even block the number.

 

You can't let him torture you like that. This are hard times for you and unfortunately you have to be selfish and only think of what's good for you.

[forsaken1]

No leaf Clover: what do you mean in the first part of your response about not saying anything? Did my text make him think about something? I am confused about where his all if a sudden apology came from. Since no where in my text did I bring up anything other than the present moment. So it makes me wonder was this contact started because he was going to apologize anyway or I hit a nerve that caused him to? All i said was how dare he contact me after all the hurt and BS he put me through. To answer your question, I love him very deeply I never stopped loving him and I would have never in a million years thought we'd breakup. Up until June every text or email of call id secretly be happy but it never went anywhere. Lots of false hope on my behalf I know. So since he quit talking to me this out if the blue contact didn't make feel that happy feeling. This is the first time ever that I'm scared to talk to him. I never really wanted to know anything about him after this final time. I can't emotionally handle it. He knows how fragile Iam with that that's why I feel furious he would subject me to this right now. If I had a perfect wish right now I would wish to be with him to be able to start a new relationship with him and get past all this. But I'd be scared he'd only hurt me again. So much that I have read today says guys like this do this sort of thing for an ego boost that it could be him seeing if the door is still open here. The way I look at it is if your in a new relationship and happy and all why risk communicating with your ex even if he doesn't have intentions wanting me back he's obviously reaching out for something and yes it could be total selfish reasons. But I can't figure it out. How long were you and your together? How long broken up? Why do you not see yourself with her?

[forsaken1]

I'm currently stuck in a lease with my ex. We separated our dogs, I took one she kept the other. I've been paying rent since February when I moved out because I did not want to ruin my credit and people honestly can't believe I keep paying. Needless to say she text me on my birthday and it sort of bothered me. As poorly as she treated me and the awful crap she did the fact that she wished me happy birthday along with well wishes aggravated me. I'm a no-contact guy so maybe the fact that I'm not begging her to come back annoys her but it was unnecessary in my opinion...

 

Salvatore85 why do you think she sent you the text? I can't understand why they do this? I can your reasons for continuing to pay rent that is valid. We were not on a lease and I never asked for continued help.

[forsaken1]

I can't apologize enough for everything, and what I put you through, and I know that no apology in the world can fix it. I realize in hindsight how poorly I handled things and I have to live with that.

I never meant to hurt you, **** you over, or especially disrespect you, and I know you never meant to hurt me, and I'm so sorry for it turning out that way.

 

 

I think part of it came from, amongst other things, frustration, anger, sadness, and like you said one time, probably a little selfishness (on my part).

Many times I was seeing in tunnel vision and probably was focusing on the wrong things... Like too much on the little things, not enough on the bigger picture. But to me, I was seeing the little things that were hurting both of us as making up the big picture and it made me feel worse.

 

 

I know we both have said that the once one gets a thought or feeling, the other is branded/labelled with that and there's no getting out of that "hole" I think we put each other in holes (at least the way it felt, like you said) and there was no getting out. I think that happened from both sides and I admit I'm guilty of that and I wish it hadn't got to that point.

 

There's a lot of stuff you said in your text that isn't accurate, especially in regards to reasons and why I handled things the way I did, and I don't really know if trying to explain every single thing is going to help, but like I mentioned above, I handled some things ****ty and I'll never be able to express how sorry I am. I don't know about you, but my feelings of frustration clouded how I dealt with things and we battled before we stopped to realize if that was even necessary.

 

You asked what my reason/intention was for the check and card, and honestly my intention was because I did say I would pay for half of Rocky's training, and because of what happened with the arguing about Amanda, I wasn't thinking about his training costs at all. Once I realized that, I wanted to cover what I had said I would. I know what you went through with Rocky and it ended up being your problem to figure out and that wasn't fair. I just hope that one day you'll realize the position I was put in and how extremely difficult it was for me, as I've realized the position you were put into as well.

 

That's where things stemmed from in regards to Amanda, NOT anything else like you had said in your text. Amanda will always be my baby and pride and joy and that's what was so hard to deal with. I thought the reasons I had for wanting to take Amanda full time were valid reasons, but I didn't want to continue to fight with you, so I backed down. But just because That's how I feel about Amanda doesn't mean I don't feel for Rocks, I do. Coming to you about Amanda and returning the keys had absolutely nothing to do with being involved with somebody, That's wasn't the case then or now. It was never a factor, but I see how it seemed that way. In regards to the card, your birthday was always something that mattered and I was trying to do something nice.

 

I don't have all the answers and I admit there were things I could of handled better and more productively, and I truly am sorry for all the hurt and pain I caused you. I don't want to be forgiven, I'm not even looking for that because I don't think that's possible at this point, but I want you to know that I acknowledge the things I'm responsible for and wish I could express how sincerely sorry I am.