notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Not sure where to start. Met a man that works in my building. We were friendly. He's married and 10 yrs younger. One day I started seeing him differently. Just figured it was a silly crush and wouldn't amount to anything. I have been with same man 15 yrs just turned 41. No way he would be interested. Well he is and I am worried. I have already decided to cheat, that's not what worries me. I am nervous because sex for past 13 yrs has been missionary and once or twice a year. I am not allowed to touch him and he doesn't want oral sex ever. Don't know what it is about the younger guy but I want him so bad. Afraid it will be a disaster and what would be an affair will be a one niter we both will regret. Should I save myself the greef?
Speakingofwhich Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Should I save myself the greef? Most definitely! 2
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Why aren't you worried about cheating and all that entails? If I were you I would be looking at myself and wondering why they hell I wanted to do something as low as that. Isn't that the issue. 1
tiernan Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Why have you been with this man for 15 years if you are not satisfied with your sex life??? 2
bentleychic Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Definitely save yourself the grief. The ONLY reason I'm involved and STILL involved in an A is for the love. If you're not in love and just want sex and can't get what you need from your H, for goodness sake, ask for an open marriage or leave the marriage before you stray. It will be easier (and fair) for all involved that way.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Not sure where to start. Met a man that works in my building. We were friendly. He's married and 10 yrs younger. One day I started seeing him differently. Just figured it was a silly crush and wouldn't amount to anything. I have been with same man 15 yrs just turned 41. No way he would be interested. Well he is and I am worried. I have already decided to cheat, that's not what worries me. I am nervous because sex for past 13 yrs has been missionary and once or twice a year. I am not allowed to touch him and he doesn't want oral sex ever. Don't know what it is about the younger guy but I want him so bad. Afraid it will be a disaster and what would be an affair will be a one niter we both will regret. Should I save myself the greef? Why not leave your H/SO and save yourself the grief of the affair? Then you can a have a fling with someone who is available and have as much sex as you want. Why get involved with someone who is married? It's early enough to avoid the nuclear explosion you want to set off...I just don't know why you want to go down this path... 1
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 It sounds like you are not happy in your marriage and this man is giving you attention. Maybe the first man who has done so for a while? So you are tempted to cheat. But it doesn't sound like there is anything particularly deep between you. It sounds like you want some kind of escape from your dull sex life at home. This man can maybe offer you that, you think. Think of the consequences for you and your marriage and for him and his marriage. Think carefully about why you want to do this, and whether you should be working on your marriage instead, or getting out of it. Do you really want to be a woman who cheats on her husband?
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Best option. Talk to your spouse about the issues. Next best option. Divorce your spouse. Should never be an option. Having an affair Option that inflicts the most possible damage and potential for violence. Having an affair with both parties married. You choose. 1
Author notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Didn't know he was married when I started having feelings for him. Been debating this for a couple of weeks and want to be with him. Clothed or otherwise.
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Didn't know he was married when I started having feelings for him. Been debating this for a couple of weeks and want to be with him. Clothed or otherwise. Doesn't make any difference really married or not - as you are married. What about your husband if he found out? Do you feel you have no problem cheating on him? Why not face up to the problems in your own marriage and try and sort those rather than go ahead with this? 5
Author notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Other men-younger and older have paid me attention. I have always appreciated it but never gabe it any thought. This man, there is just something about him I can't get passed.
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Other men-younger and older have paid me attention. I have always appreciated it but never gabe it any thought. This man, there is just something about him I can't get passed. But you still don't say anything about your marriage. Is it that awful? This could well be just a crush, and just think if you act on it, you could possibly destroy your marriage, and his, and many people could be hurt. You will have the guilt to live with too. What if after one time with him you become really hooked on him - and then find out he ignores you? That he just wanted you for a quick shag and then dumped you? How would you feel? This is a man you claim seems willing to cheat on his wife as well...not a great catch. There are many possible scenarios and none of them are good if you act on this.... you need to look at why you don't seem bothered you want to cheat - and look at your marriage.
Author notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 We have talked and talked about it. It doesn't change he has not desire for human contact and I have my needs. I told him the this would happen. He didn't say anything either way. Not saying he gave permission. Dont know why we stay together. Its comfortable except in one area.
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 If you have threatened him with cheating....then get out. I can't think of a crappier thing to threaten a spouse with. Get thee to a lawyer, file. Then go do as you please. For the sake of the innocent...please stick with single men. 1
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Dont know why we stay together. Its comfortable except in one area. Isn't that a contradiction? you say you don't know why you are together.....so why are you? Why not move on if you think this. Then you say its comfortable. Which is it? Do you have any feelings for your husband? Does he treat you badly? If you want to go out and shag then basically get a divorce then you can. But please stay away from anyone in a committed relationship. Married or not.
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Also you say 'he is interested' How has he shown this interest? Are you texting and calling each other or has he just flirted with you?
Author notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 It wasn't a threat. It was brought up in one of our many conversations. I asked his permission.
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 It doesn't change he has not desire for human contact and I have my needs. I told him the this would happen. He didn't say anything either way. Not saying he gave permission. Dont know why we stay together. I can only go by what you post. It sounds here, like you didn't get the answer you wanted (rightly or wrongly..doesnt matter), then threatened cheating. Hoping he would say yes. He obviously didn't. I imagine he was stunned by what you said. Or it didn't register. Doesn't make it any less destructive or disrespectful.
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 notgetting you came here for advice yet you do not seem to answer many of the questions thrown at you. With only sketchy info how are people supposed to help you? (taking into account that there is no justification for cheating in any situation)
AutumnMoon Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Not sure where to start. Met a man that works in my building. We were friendly. He's married and 10 yrs younger. One day I started seeing him differently. Just figured it was a silly crush and wouldn't amount to anything. I have been with same man 15 yrs just turned 41. No way he would be interested. Well he is and I am worried. I have already decided to cheat, that's not what worries me. I am nervous because sex for past 13 yrs has been missionary and once or twice a year. I am not allowed to touch him and he doesn't want oral sex ever. Don't know what it is about the younger guy but I want him so bad. Afraid it will be a disaster and what would be an affair will be a one niter we both will regret. Should I save myself the greef? Unless you want to end what you already have.. I'd say save yourself the grief.. Don't do it. That's coming from someone in the middle of an affair that at this moment I'm happy in .. But I for sure have not been happy the whole time and the way I feel about my husband has changed in a way that if I could go back in time I wouldn't have let it happen.
Author notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Not tryong to hide anything. We have raised three kids together. Two r his and one is mine. Their mom abandoned them all as babies. Now in first year of college. We did a great job. We r not married so no lawyer necessary. The young man has told me he is interested. Phone calls and text are very limited and have been kept G rated.
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Not tryong to hide anything. We have raised three kids together. Two r his and one is mine. Their mom abandoned them all as babies. Now in first year of college. We did a great job. We r not married so no lawyer necessary. The young man has told me he is interested. Phone calls and text are very limited and have been kept G rated. But please answer the question everyone has been asking. Why don't you sort out your marriage first and leave if it is not great? Why hurt people by doing this - your husband and his wife? Are you that selfish you don't care about the consequences?
Author notgetting Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 He doesn't treat me badly. We have a comfortable lifestyle just my needs in the area of sex don't concern him
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 He doesn't treat me badly. We have a comfortable lifestyle just my needs in the area of sex don't concern him But you said earlier you don't know why you are both together. You think that just because of your differences in regards to sex? And if you do have such big differences why did you get together with him in the first place if it is such an issue? Also comfortable lifestyle? That is not the issue. It is your relationship with your husband. Do you have any love for him?
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Not tryong to hide anything. We have raised three kids together. Two r his and one is mine. Their mom abandoned them all as babies. Now in first year of college. We did a great job. We r not married so no lawyer necessary. The young man has told me he is interested. Phone calls and text are very limited and have been kept G rated. Well then, easy peasy. Separate from your SO, or negotiate an open relationship where you get your physical needs met by random or specific men, based on your agreement. So second topic...you do not feel any guilt or responsibility towards his wife or children? There will be a day when this comes out, whether either or both if you lose your jobs, or she calls screaming or whatever...are you prepared to accept that at the price to have him sexually? I mean...of the millions of single unattached guys who would love to have emotionless sex...why pick one who is married? 1
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