StaticZero Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I met my GF about 2.5 months ago I am 25 she is 30 she is in school taking classes and Im out of school. From the moment we met we clicked we went out on dates talked on the phone alot, every single night we talked. I found out from some friends that knew her that she was a stripper. When I found out about this and asked her about it, she told me that she used to but doesnt do it anymore that she just does it for money every now and then, and it was not something that she just tells people up front because she isnt proud of it. It really didnt bother me because she comes from a not so wealthy background "which isnt a big deal to me" and I understood that you have to do what you have to do to survive. We continued to talk and do things all the time and everything seemed to be going great. I really started having feelings for this girl and felt that she was having feelings for me. She is like no one that I have ever met or dated before, and not to use the old cliche "I have never felt for anyone else the way I feel for her" she is just very special to me. As we talked and were together she kept dropping hints on the lines of "Well I really cant say much if you date other people, but I dont want you too" I started feeling like she was saying this because she was wanting to make a commitment to not date other people. Which neither of us were really doing anyways. One night I tried to get a hold of her and couldnt which was rare b/c we always talked at night, and she wound up later into the night calling me and telling me that we needed to talk, if she could come over. She came over and presumes to tell me that she had stripped that night and that she could not just do it without telling me. She explained that this was why she could never have a BF b/c no one ever understood that she had to do it for money. After this I felt like she obviously had feelings for me to tell me this and also with the hints that she was dropping about dating other people that she was looking for a commitment. So a few days later I talked to her explained how I cared for her and was ok with the fact of her stripping every once in a while because I understood why she had to do it. I explained the way I felt for her and that maybe we should make a commitment to one another to not date any other people, but if she was not ready for that that was fine I wasnt trying to pressure anything it was her decision and she decided that she wanted to make a commitment. Between her real job "Which isnt stripping, she only strips maybe once a month" family and school she gets really stressed and depressed. I am always there to listen and help in any way possible, and I assure her of that. We went along fine and about four weeks later we are just talking about something and out of the blue she comes out and says that she has been thinking and that with family problems, school, and work she just doesnt think that she has time for a boyfriend, that she is scared of some feelings she is having and that she just wont let herself have those feelings. She says she still wants to talk to me and do stuff she just doesnt want a BF. I tell her that I have never pressured any situations as far as getting angry if she cant do stuff b/c of school, which I havent I have been completely understanding with her and have always been there for her whether its emotionally or supportively. She says that if I care about her I will still be there for her, but she just cannot have a boyfriend right now. So I let her know if thats the way she feels that I respect her decision. From the next day on she would call me and text me telling me that she misses me and is thinking about me, and wanting to just talk "I am thinking in my mind well you say you dont want a BF but you are acting completely opposite" After about 4 days of this it was just becoming too overwhelming for me because of the way she was acting I felt that she obviously had feelings for me like she says she does. So I finally come to the decision to tell her that If she doesnt want a BF thats fine and I respect that but I could not just turn my feelings for her off and say hey ill be your buddy right now because it was too hard for me with the feelings I have for her and suggested maybe we should not talk for a while "I did not tell her this but I personally think that she needs some time to figure out what she wants" she cried and really had nothing to say about it. That was a few days ago. Now I dont know what to do I really care alot about this girl and feel like she really cares alot for me, I have always been there for her and she knows that and have been completely understanding with her problems. I feel like that if she cares about me and our relationship that she should call me but she hasnt yet (Its only been a couple days though), but now I am starting to feel bad that I told her that maybe we shouldnt talk because Im afraid that she feels like I have abandoned her, but she told me that she didnt want a BF but was giving me these mixed emotions telling me she misses me and not to be mad at her. I really dont want to call her b/c I feel like if she cares about us she should call me. I feel like she is having strong feelings for me and is just trying to take the easy way out. I would have felt better even if she would had said something on the lines of "I need time to think about us" Im confused and dont know what to do this girl means the world to me so I am turning to you guys for some advice.
Dadubwa Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Okay.... A) Why does she need to strip? Isn't there a decent job where she lives? B) You're a complete gentalman...if she doesn't take up your offer of having a great commitment with an awesome guy like yourself, she's crazy! C) I would just remove yourself from this situation until she makes up her mind this can be a very destructive situation to your emotional health...I mean having a girlfriend who lets others see her body for money?....hun, you deserve better....look at other options until she gets her mind in gear... it seems like she means alot to you...but the point is love needs to be mutual...and as much as it might hurt she NEEDS to love you back in oder for this to work...you're right about the phone call...she needs to give you a ring back... Good luck...I hope all works out.
Author StaticZero Posted November 17, 2004 Author Posted November 17, 2004 Thanks for the advice A) She is in a situation with a job where she really doesnt make good money at all, and Cannot get out of it TRUST me it is a weird situation, but she is in school to get out of that situation. B) I have always been told by many of my friends that are girls that I am a complete gentleman and that girls would die to have someone like me, im not trying to sound conceded at all but thats what I am told and I have a high level of respect for women im out for more than just a night in the sack ive passed that satge in my life a long time ago. C) I just feel like removing myself from the situation makes me look as if I am abandoning her, because I was honestly all she had when we were together, she really doesnt have any true friends I believe that are good influences and care. And has severe family problems. But maybe this is just the "too nice" side of me feeling guilty. I guess what I dont understand is I feel like I was so good to her that I dont understand why she would just want to get rid of that, I mean do you think that she realizes this? As far as the No Contact thing I just felt like she really needed time to deal with the feelings that she was having for me B/C she had her guard up from past relationships "because she has been hurt in the past more then once she told me" but i feel like for one reason or the other just couldnt tell me that. I felt like she could not completely realize what she has while im still there for her as far as talking on the phone and stuff. Im a firm believer in some people have to lose what they had before the realize what they had.
zara Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 It sounds as though this girl has been through the emotional wringer in the past and so is very guarded and pessimistic about having a relationship. It sounds as though she is scared that you might ask/ demand her to stop stripping, since this would not be an unusual request, and she is not in a position to be able to do that. As a result she is keeping you at arms length. I think that you need to reassure her that you can take things slowly, that you are happy for her to continue to work to support herself and that you are going to be there unconditionally. It's a matter of building trust. She needs to feel that it is going to be okay to allow you into her life and that you will be there for support, becasue obviously she has been let down in the past and this makes her wary. Stripping is just a job like any other, unfortunately most people don't see it that way and so we can often be subject to relationship failure/ problems/ droughts.
alphamale Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Originally posted by zara Stripping is just a job like any other, unfortunately most people don't see it that way and so we can often be subject to relationship failure/ problems/ droughts. NO, stripping is not a job like any other and don't try to justify that it is. It is unusual because of the following: 1) It is strictly physical and requires no talent whatsoever 2) The clients and people who hang in the clubs are low lifes unless its a high-class joint and even then it is iffy. 3) Prostitution, drugs, alcoholism, self-hatred and mental illness are part of the landscape 4) You dont' even need a high-school diploma to do it 5) If you ever have serious career aspirations in the future your past as "nude entertainer" may come back to haunt you
zara Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale NO, stripping is not a job like any other and don't try to justify that it is. It is unusual because of the following: 1) It is strictly physical and requires no talent whatsoever 2) The clients and people who hang in the clubs are low lifes unless its a high-class joint and even then it is iffy. 3) Prostitution, drugs, alcoholism, self-hatred and mental illness are part of the landscape 4) You dont' even need a high-school diploma to do it 5) If you ever have serious career aspirations in the future your past as "nude entertainer" may come back to haunt you Hmmm, haven't i told you to take your prejudices outta wherever it is you keep your brains before? 1) I'd like to see you writhe erotically around a pole! The best dancers are talented actresses and dancers. To move your body in that way takes talent and skill. Many of us are actually trained dancers with backgrounds in ballet, cabaret etc. 2) Clients are just regular people, from layers to mechanics to builders to architects to magistrates. 3) These things are not compulsory and i can honestly say that i know more people who are teachers who takes drugs and abuse alcohol than my fellow dancers! And more people who are police officers with histories of mental illness. You get people with problems in all occupations. 4) True, but you will find that many dancers are putting themselves through university funded by dancing. 5) Many former dancers have gone on to have successful serious careers. The smart ones know how to cover their tracks. Now kindly engage your brain before engaging in apoplectic rhetoric. Zara - your friendly Loveshack Stripper xxx Hmmm, Stone, would you like to join me over here?
Dadubwa Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 Lets get back to the subject people! Weather stripping is BAD or GOOD...it's all about choices!....if you WANT to strip it's your CHOICE! No one elses!....
Author StaticZero Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 Ok me and my Ex broke up a couple of weeks ago b/c she said that she did not have time right now for a BF b/c of school, work, family problems etc. I think alot of it has more to do with insecurities about herself and being hurt in past relationships. But anyways despite how bad it hurt because I really care alot for this girl. I told her that I respected her decision and told her how special she was to me. I have been nothing short of a complete gentleman to this girl. Well the following days after the breakup she is calling telling me how she misses me, is thinking about me, calling me the names "baby etc.." Finally after three or four days of this I finally told her that I could not just put my feelings aside right now and just be friends because it hurt too much and suggested that we just not talk for a while. She cried and said ok. A couple days later I called her (I know I shouldnt have) because I wanted to see how she was. She was mad at me and said that I had told her that I always would be there for her and that by saying that we couldnt talk I abandoned her. We talked I tried to explain why I did what I did and told her that I was here for her. (I am telling you this girl means the world to me) Since then I have pretty much let her do the calling me we have had a few conversations that seemed to go well there again shes calling me "baby" making sexual references and stuff. Sat. Night she calls me at like 2 in the morning saying that she was just thinking about me and that I could call her the next day. I call her the next day and she never calls back. So today she calls me late into the afternoon and says that she has just had the oportunity to call me (which I know is BS) and she will call me later. So I talk to her later and she is a little short with me and rude. So here is what I need some advice on..... A) Do you guys think that this girl is just playing games with me stringing me along (But she tells me she cares so much about me)? B) I cannot keep talking to her like this and keep going on this up and down rollercoaster because it is tearing me up emotionally, I really just dont think that we need to be talking so I can just get over it and move on with my life, but I really dont want to create some type of situation where we see eachother out somewhere and get into it. How can I get some no contact out of this girl without doing the obvious of not answering or returning phone calls? (Which I think is BS)
Author StaticZero Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 Yea her stripping is not really the issue with us anyways I dont think, I just threw that in because I was trying to be as in depth with the story as possible. We never even argued about the stripping.
atthedrivein Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 listen my man, ive been dating a stripper for three months now and i can say is it's very hard. the rollercoaster ride is fun and painful. its easy to look past someones job but the problems with stripping come home. she keeps telling me she's gonna quit but like drugs, money can become addictive can u handle other men drooling over the girl you love i can but its madd hard. can u deal with the fact that she grinds on men for $ my lady dont do lapdances any longer, because i bitched for two weeks. i met her at the club, i never thought she would be my woman, or that i would fall in love with her. now she is my girl, and love her and her job really comes between us ( i let it i guess) so if you can deal with the drama go for her strippers are normal peopel with abnormal jobs d
zara Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Static - this girl is fragile. She has been hurt big time in the past and whilst she wants a relationship is scared as hell of getting hurt again. That's why it is such a rollercoaster with her pulling away, then craving intimacy again. You have to try to talk it out with her and explain that you are being as patient as can be but you have a right to know where you stand so that you don't get hurt too. Her behaviour is all about protecting herslef from hurt but in the process she does not realise the impact that this has on you too. You are right, her stripping is neither here nor there. But her fear is real and affecting your chances of a successful relationship. You have to be honest and explain that you can be friends, just friends, if that is what she wants rather than to give a relationship a go. But you need to explain that that means she cannot have the same level of intimacy with you on either and emotional or physical level because you need to define some clear perimeters for your interaction.
Author StaticZero Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Thx for the replies I feel like she is trying to run away from her true feelings as well because of being hurt in the past and also I think she just has a self worth question about herself and possibly cannot see why anyone would really care for her because she has primarily been seen as just an object (Not just because of stripping). I pretty much see through this though and I see another person inside of her just waiting to get out and be loved. What do you all think?
zara Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 i think that you have to ask yourself if you have the patience to take things as slowly as you obviously need to with her. You must also be aware that you cannot force her to be ready for a relationship, she has to decide whether she is or isn't and when that might be. I really think you need to have some honest conversation with each other about this.
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