IrishDude Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hey everyone, first time poster on this forum, and first time writing about something private and close to me. I would like to share my story with you. It's been getting me down recently. I hope no one judges me for my story, but you are very welcome to criticize me or judge, as it may help me move on or see things differently. It's quite a unique story in my opinion, so please hear me out. Let's get started April, 2012. I was a 20 year old guy, soon to turn 21 (birthday in May). One day, I logged into MSN (yep, used to use it sometimes to talk to friends and to pass time haha!), and there was a new person on my list, who I didn't remember adding. Her name was Amy. She had no picture, but her MSN status read "I'm so upset". So, innocently I popped up and said hey, and asked what was wrong. We chit chatted and we seemed to get on quite good. I asked her age and she said she was 18. She lived in England (I have an adoration for English girls, I think they're just great). When I said I was from Ireland, she insisted I ring her and leave a voicemail (yup, on our first chat), because she said she loved Irish accents. I obliged her, and she said she adored it. After our first chat, I could tell she became fond of me. She'd talk to me any chance she would get, and I would her. I loved talking to her, we got on great and she was overall a joy. One day, she confessed to me that she liked me, and all the reasons why. She was very sweet and up front about it, and to say it made me feel amazing would be an understatement. I really liked her too, and we were getting really close. But when I found out she liked me, it was amazing. So, for about a year, me and her talked non stop. Everything was great. She needed me, relied on me, said she loved me, we talked about meeting up and trying it out since I had been planning to move to England for some time. Every picture she sent me, I saved on my phone. Everything we shared, whether it be voice clips to each other, pictures, I saved. Everything, literally. That's the kind of person that I am. We cammed the odd time, and I was there through all her troubles and woes. I loved every second of it I was in love. Or at least thought I was. She was everything I look for in a girl. Even aesthetically she matched what I would describe as my dream girl. It almost seemed too good to be true, and well...it was. Shortly after, I made a shocking discovery. I wont go into specifics, but I found out she was only 16!!!!! My heart broke in two. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I denied. But eventually I found proof, and I confronted her. I told her I found out, and for her to come clean. She denied, over and over and over. She even phoned me crying, and claiming I was being horrible for even accusing such a thing. Eventually, I broke down and demanded her to tell me the truth or that I'd never speak to her again. She admitted to it. But she claimed that regardless of her age, what we had was real and still could work. She was really upset I was going to leave her or forget her. In a way I felt so sorry for her, it upset me and made me cry, just the situation, the lie, everything. I was confused, heartbroken and in disbelief. Her reason for lying was because when I first talked to her on msn and I said I was 20, she had no one and didn't want a 20 year to think that she was 15, because then I wouldn't talk to her (and she's right, I wouldn't have if I knew she was 15!!!) This is where me and her pretty much kinda broke down. For a while, I justified it. I forgave her. I said it was okay. I was blind. I now see that she lied, and had no reason to keep lying for so long. I sympathize with her, I really do. Maybe she was just a lonely girl, who finally found someone who loved her and made her feel special. But ,things change. And I kept the idea going in my head for a long time that she loved me, and that I still wanted to be a part of her life. I was stupid. Time passed, and from the point of when I found out she was only 16, things changed. She stopped relying on me as much, stopped talking as much. Overall she was more outgoing, she grew up I guess. "My brain one day woke up, and told me, this girl is 16, she is a child. She is going through puberty, growing up, and changing as a person. You were just a person who was there, for a year, and she relied on you. Now she's grown up and doesn't need you as much as she did." I didn't feel like a pedophile, because I genuinely believed she was 18, she would have passed for it based on her appearance, anyone would have been fooled. After me and her kind of lost touch, I told myself, a 16 year old girl looking like her, is going to have plenty of boys in her life. Heck, I told myself she probably had a bf or a fling with someone while talking with me! I guess I was right about that part. She talked to me about boys one time, and asked for advice. She always had some boy on her MSN name, with lovehearts beside it, and when I asked who it was, she's always say it was her "cousin" I'd always just say "okay", but deep down I knew she liked someone, and that's fine So why am I sharing this or posting this? I don't know , I guess my story counts as a heartbreak? I just wanted to vent and share this :/ There's still little things here and there, that remind me of her. I'd be a liar if I said I never thought of her, what we had was good while it lasted, if even based off a lie. A part of me still likes her, and thinks about her, but I know this is just a heartbreak waiting to happen if I keep talking to her. I cut all ties. Deleted my MSN, and haven't spoken to her in months. You might ask, why was a 20/21 year old talking with a girl online? Well, I'm not the best with girls, and don't have much experience with the opposite sex (I'm not a creep or a weirdo, I'm a genuine, outgoing and cool guy), I just really liked her, she appealed to me more than anyone else I've ever met, I just told myself it was real, that me and her were going to meet and try it out. I couldn't believe she lied. But all in all, near the end, her behavior towards me was terrible, ignored me a lot, etc, and was obviously busy with other boys. This didn't hurt me, as I knew she was just a kid growing up, and I just had to get over this. I keep telling myself, what if? What if. she REALLY does love me. What if, there really is no other guys? What if I made a mistake by cutting her out? What ifs everywhere. And to make it worse, she text me today, after all this time, and said "please come back :(". This has just messed with my head and brought back all these questions. The realistic and rational side of me, KNOWS, that she probably got hurt by some guy, and wants to fall back on the guy she knows will love her and always be there. But I don't wanna be that guy. I cut her out for a reason, I just need to stay strong. But a part of me wants to talk to her. I don't know, my head is just everywhere I have an SD card from my phone, filled with memories of me and her, like I mentioned before, pictures, loads. I can't bring myself to destroy it, or delete the files. I stored it away somewhere. One day, maybe in many, many, many years to come, me and her paths might cross, in person, and we might hit it off. It was amazing knowing her, I still think she's perfect for me. I really would love to try it with her stably in the future in person, it would make me so happy. So many memories and cute things we shared, and did, I just, it makes me cry to think about it. It ended so abruptly, and I have so many questions, and even more after she text me today. Sorry for the huge post, I know I'm just a hopeless romantic, and a blabbering idiot haha
Philosoraptor Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Loss is loss, and I'm sorry for your loss. You did the right thing by ending your chats once you found out she was only 16. Thankfully you didn't end up doing anything that could get you into trouble. From here you should try to meet someone out in the flesh rather than getting attached to someone online.
Chi townD Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Dude, she's still a kid and has absolutely no idea what she wants in life. And on top of that, your relationship was all done electronically. Look, I get it that you have feelings developed over false pretenses over this girl, but you got to let her go. You stated that you're not a pedio. Okay, but if her parents discover that she's carrying online with some guy that's 21, all that spells for you is big time problems.
Author IrishDude Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Loss is loss, and I'm sorry for your loss. You did the right thing by ending your chats once you found out she was only 16. Thankfully you didn't end up doing anything that could get you into trouble. From here you should try to meet someone out in the flesh rather than getting attached to someone online. Thanks I know, it was so hard to do it, but I eventually did. Thanks for your words, I would never ever do anything with someone so young, I knew what I had to do but it didn't make it any easier Dude, she's still a kid and has absolutely no idea what she wants in life. And on top of that, your relationship was all done electronically. Look, I get it that you have feelings developed over false pretenses over this girl, but you got to let her go. You stated that you're not a pedio. Okay, but if her parents discover that she's carrying online with some guy that's 21, all that spells for you is big time problems. Thank you for being blunt (really, thank you!), its words like these that really make me see reality. In my heart of hearts I agree and 99% of the time this is my moral and mental viewpoint, just that little 1% likes to creep back in sometimes. Love is a funny thing
NoLeafClover Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 1 yr online relationship.... with a lying 16 year old girl... ....meanwhile some here going through a breakup of 7 years on their late 20's how is that for a heartbreak story.
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