Which problems would be solved in the dating world if ....

[MomsSpaghetti]

...... women took the initiative and approached men? I can see a lot of problems that would be solved.

[hotpotato]

Well, even if women approach men, it doesnt mean theyll approach YOU.

 

Im interested. I see mostly problems...

[Philosoraptor]

Women have always approached me, whether I'm in a relationship or not. Still happens now that I'm engaged, and probably will happen once I have a ring on my finger.

 

Confident people will approach those they want to get to know better, simple as that.

[gaius]

Murder rates and crime would probably go down, since the next generation of male children would have lower than average testosterone from all those girly men who can't even bring themselves to ask a girl out adding their DNA to the gene pool.

[SubliminalSessions]

Murder rates and crime would probably go down, since the next generation of male children would have lower than average testosterone from all those girly men who can't even bring themselves to ask a girl out adding their DNA to the gene pool.

 

And probably more Lorena Bobbits and Jody Arias bitches...since usually when one approaches a man, it doesn't quite work out as well as when a man approaches you.

 

That's why being gay can be so hard. Because hell, you have to take that risk regardless. Most of the people who approach me I'm not into like that, so I have to step out the zone, and be the one to approach men. And that's hard sometimes. And when **** doesn't go right, you have to fight to not become that Jody Arias kind of bitch.

[escortboymale]

Well, even if women approach men, it doesnt mean theyll approach YOU.

 

Im interested. I see mostly problems...

 

Yes it is true it is not possible all the time that they will approach you, and for girls who are still waiting for their dream boys here is the place to enjoy...

[hotpotato]

The guys that are already doing well with women will do even better. Guys that are doing poorly with women will do even worse.

 

That's exactly what I see...

 

I have checklist. I am willing to relax this checklist if a man approaches me. After all, he seems nice and took initiative. He's not Brad Pitt but he's decent looking...Sure I'll go on a date with him.

 

A man might start at the top of the ladder and go down. For many men this is standard but some women will call this 'settling.' Women dont like it when they are 2nd picked, will women be ok with men they consider 2nd picks?

 

Never forget that it takes a lot more for a man to be attractive to a woman than vice versa...

 

Me personally, I dont need sex/date or any of that, so I'm fine with going home alone if I can't have my number one pick. I doubt this is standard practice for men, but I can assure you this is more common for women.

 

I think the underlying belief/hope is that women will become less picky if they have to approach. I'm not sure if I would put my money on that.

[RedRobin]

Well, first off, you'll have to define 'approach'.

 

I believe women 'approach' men they are attracted to all the time. You just need to read the cues.

[todreaminblue]

...... women took the initiative and approached men? I can see a lot of problems that would be solved.

 

so men can put their feet up and relax chill out a bit huh..watch the women do the work........attractive thought....i woudl rather wait for aman who likes to roll his sleeves up and get to it...help me out a bit....ill work as hard as he does......i dont want a voyeur for a boyfriend or a date...rather have a participant.....not a lizard who waits for the fly to do all the work.............deb

[Revolver]

People say

 

"Well women would just approach the most attractive/high status men, every other guy would get left out. Guys should be happy the way it is"

 

Well.... if that's the case why doesn't this happen with the current set up we have now with dudes doing the approaching? Why don't guys only approach the most attractive women then? Because they clearly don't they approach and ask out all types of women. How would this be different in this scenario?

[carhill]

OP, as there are men who are routinely approached by women, I would suggest asking them to get a direct answer. I'm positive that they can compare the relationship potentials from those they've approached and who have approached them and share which problems were solved, if any, for them.

 

Speaking from my narrow personal experience, mostly while married, I came to understand that there was little ambiguity about their demonstrated attraction, which can be a 'problem' otherwise, as well as they demonstrated they had no issues approaching a married man, also key insight into avoiding the problem of ambiguity about their philosophies of pursuing relationships. They were pretty clear about a range of issues. Perhaps, then, clarity would by my answer as to which problem would be solved. If one's personality finds such clarity attractive, versus the 'mystery' of the 'dance of romance', then it could be a pivotal problem solved for that person.

 

In my life, I've always approached women, and never the reverse, exceptions noted above, so am used to that dynamic, as I know no other. YMMV.

[Phoe]

As the kind of girl who HAS TO do approaching, I don't really see any "problems" in the world being solved by it. Only my own problems can be solved by that, nothing more.

[gaius]

Is it really a bad thing? Doesn't sound so bad to me.

I guess. But then you end up without the other things high testosterone brings. Moon landings, iPhone, airplanes. Whenever a guy exerts himself to do great things 95% of the time impressing women has something to do with it. Or whatever they're sexually attracted to.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Which problems would be solved in the dating world if .... women took the initiative and approached men?

 

 

Uh, none... that is absurd.

 

 

Surely you can figure out that women don't generally approach men because they don't have to.

 

 

This general factor assures women that they won't have to take-up with the shy and the timid unless individuals from that set at least dare to come out of their shells and speak-up.

 

 

It is probably a lot like fertilizing an egg... the weaklings are far less likely to get there before all others, thus helping to assure the strongest representation of male genes for a child-to-be soon to enter the world.

[RedRobin]

I guess. But then you end up without the other things high testosterone brings. Moon landings, iPhone, airplanes. Whenever a guy exerts himself to do great things 95% of the time impressing women has something to do with it. Or whatever they're sexually attracted to.

 

I don't believe testosterone has anything to do with that... certainly not 'maleness'. They just don't have anything better to do with their time.

 

Plenty of women have been innovators and leaders once they aren't obliged to take care of children. It's a pretty time consuming job. A handful even manage to do BOTH.

[Woggle]

More men just need to start saying no and stop embarrassing themselves over attractive women. Men don't know how much simply being able to say no can turn things a bit in their favor.

[Imported]

OP, I suggest you and men like you go on strike against all the evil women that refuse to do their fair share of starting relationships or simply initiating a date.

 

Don't go near the womenz. Don't ask them out. Refuse to have anything to do with them unless they take the initiative and come up to you. Show them how things work. Soon, when they realize you will never come up to them, they will cave and start asking you out on dates or maybe just a quickie in the back seat of your car. This is in fact the case for some guys, but not all guys.

 

People say

 

"Well women would just approach the most attractive/high status men, every other guy would get left out. Guys should be happy the way it is"

 

Well.... if that's the case why doesn't this happen with the current set up we have now with dudes doing the approaching? Why don't guys only approach the most attractive women then? Because they clearly don't they approach and ask out all types of women. How would this be different in this scenario?

 

 

Ok, if you lived in Bazaaro World and a gender reversal is the case, than I can see your point. It'd make sense. In Bazaaro World.

 

Women are not men. Men are not women. Unless it's a tranny. Women approaching more is not going to make them men. The men that do approach are not going to behave like women.

 

 

Well, first off, you'll have to define 'approach'.

 

I believe women 'approach' men they are attracted to all the time. You just need to read the cues.

 

This.

 

Women initiate and give cues all the time. To men they are interested in.

[carhill]

In my postings in this thread, 'approach' is defined by either asking out on a date, to which I can accept or decline, or asking, in words and/or actions for sexual contact. When I was married, more approached for the latter than former. I don't consider 'being friendly' as 'approaching'. I'm friendly with all kinds of people, men and women, and have no interest in dating them. Who taught me this (being friendly doesn't mean romantic/sexual interest)? Well, women taught me this.

[lino]

I doubt it'd solve any problems.

 

The undesirable guys simply won't be asked out. Maybe to be used as a time filler at best but nothing more.

[Pompeii]

People say

 

"Well women would just approach the most attractive/high status men, every other guy would get left out. Guys should be happy the way it is"

 

Well.... if that's the case why doesn't this happen with the current set up we have now with dudes doing the approaching? Why don't guys only approach the most attractive women then? Because they clearly don't they approach and ask out all types of women. How would this be different in this scenario?

 

You are forgetting that women don't think like men. Women would approach the most attractive guys regardless because they don't want the other men. Men have a much wider net of attractive traits than women do.

 

We'd see an even greater monopolization of women by men who are already doing gangbusters.

[gaius]

I don't believe testosterone has anything to do with that... certainly not 'maleness'. They just don't have anything better to do with their time.

 

Plenty of women have been innovators and leaders once they aren't obliged to take care of children. It's a pretty time consuming job. A handful even manage to do BOTH.

Mr. Sexy talk would not be pounding protein shakes and hitting the weights consistently every day if he had no or low testosterone. Weight lifting is the most boring, repetitive task you can ask for. Nobody does it just cause it's something to do. He just does it so he can get away with sexy talk.

 

Take away the testosterone and he would grow fat and get man boobs like the rest of the eunuchs. And live a much longer life cause he would be less susceptible to taking risks that on one hand might make you very successful and on another get you killed.

 

I think it's a different psychology for women. They're more likely to work hard even if it doesn't bring them great personal benefit with the opposite sex.

[RedRobin]

Mr. Sexy talk would not be pounding protein shakes and hitting the weights consistently every day if he had no or low testosterone. Weight lifting is the most boring, repetitive task you can ask for. Nobody does it just cause it's something to do. He just does it so he can get away with sexy talk.

 

Take away the testosterone and he would grow fat and get man boobs like the rest of the eunuchs. And live a much longer life cause he would be less susceptible to taking risks that on one hand might make you very successful and on another get you killed.

 

I think it's a different psychology for women. They're more likely to work hard even if it doesn't bring them great personal benefit with the opposite sex.

 

I dunno. I've worked with alot of men. I really can see the difference between those who work out and do whatever they do because it makes them feel better (emotionally and otherwise) and gives them a sense of purpose... and those who do it just to impress someone.

 

Heck, the really hard core ones train so often they aren't around women much at all. 'Splain that!

 

Yes, we do have women rather ingrained with a bit of martyr complex. To do good just for the sake of it. Problem is, you can't be a real leader (and I've met a few) who also 'do good' in spite of it not impressing anyone. It's a tough line to walk, I know.

 

I gravitate towards those who are inspired by having a sense of purpose... not to impress. But to your point... yes, men need a sense of purpose. Women already have one, or more.

 

Funny you bring up Mr. Sexy Talk.... I GOT A *&^% NOTE ON MY DOOR LAST NIGHT FROM HIM. Saying "RR, please call me."

 

I guess when he didn't find me there... he tracked me down at the local Starbucks. It is almost restraining order time.

[carhill]

Something that happened over the weekend may have bearing here. As a man, both with socialization and peer integration, I learned and know I must compete with other men for nearly all things in life, including women. Early on, men are trained to be 'action-oriented', whether to succeed in school, sports, business , or their dating lives. If man sits around waiting, at all, he has lost. Women are socialized differently for competing in life and, yes, they compete, just in different ways and with a different psychological style.

 

Back to the action thing, and relevant to the other poster's mention of testosterone. Interesting hormone. Impels the feelings to do a lot of potentially stupid and harmful and potentially fatal things in life, as well as impelling drive to do good. Each man processes this differently.

 

I had a friend who exemplified this. Very driven, risk taker, quite the womanizer. Died of a heart attack this past weekend at 51. No warning. Well, I guess there was, but the testosterone and the life of behaviors relevant to it and his psychology likely blinded him to it.

 

One potential byproduct of women approaching more could be that men would live longer and, contemporaneously, evolve over time to a healthier state of existence. They often say that married men live longer. Watch the difference in those who do, behaviorally, from before they were married, to after. Watch how they change. They get, generally, more mellow. Fewer risks are taken. Everything is more measured. Fewer battles are fought.

 

My friend was married three times and leaves a widow. For him, mellow was never a part of his personality. I've seen a lot of 'hims' in my lifetime. Probably, due to that, we'll never really know, but surely can speculate, what problems would be solved if women approached more.

[RedRobin]

I was going to add to my prior post...

 

Edited: to the guys reading this... having a sense of purpose in your life is very attractive. There is a balance between letting a woman 'approach' you and you responding by asking her out, etc... and you going balls-out and cold approaching or antagonizing every female that catches your eye.

 

Please consider taking some dance classes... or even some public speaking classes, or some acting classes. All of them teach you how to read body language...

 

Another is being an interesting person. Have something to talk about. Something you are passionate about.

 

Sure, you won't be everyone's cup of tea...but noone is.

Edited September 9, 2013 by RedRobin