livdee Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Is it worth trying to get closure, or do I just let it go? Everything ended abruptly and I didn't even try to find out why other than his "do the right thing" answer. Should I try??
Chi townD Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Nope! 9 times out of 10, we never get the closure we're looking for or the type of closure we envision for ourselves. Closure with an Ex usually consists of and Ex telling us what WE did wrong. That WE caused the break up. But, the fact is, THEY'RE the ones that left! Most of the time, people leave a closure meet up feeling just as bad as the day they were dumped with, STILL, no real answer. 8
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Yeah, closure comes as part of the recovery process. I too felt my RS ended abruptly and created a lot of confusion for me. But as time has gone on, I have created my own closure. It becomes more clear the more time you spend away from it while in NC. And, the reasons behind things become less and less important to you. Just as long as you learn and understand your part in the BU. 2
Curt2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Never got closure and I have a feeling I will never get closure from her. The real closure for me is when I no longer think about her. Soon.... 2
hopefulfaerie Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Sadly you probably can't get closure from him. You have to give it to yourself. I am going through the exact same thing. I will never know what could have changed for him literally in a matter of hours. NEVER saw it coming! He didn't even give me a "go f@@@ yourself text" That would have at least been merciful. I was left with sooooo many unanswered questions. I am still struggling but it's gotten much easier! My closure has come from within and he just doesn't deserve me. Plain and simple! Hang in there. We are all here for you!! 1
BC1980 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I really think closure is something we make up and hope to achieve, so we can feel better one day. . . . maybe. I don't really know what closure is if I'm being honest. I think people will define it differently for themselves. My boyfriend from college, over 10 years ago, I barely ever think of him. I don't even know how to contact him anymore. I haven't seen him in 12 years. But do I really have closure? I don't know. He's just not even a blip on my radar and hasn't been for a very long time. I guess I created my own form of closure, defined by myself somewhere along the way. I just think that NC and getting on with your life is the best way to do that. Follow the advice of everyone here and don't seek some form of closure, such as a final meet up or talk. Worst idea ever. 2
crazy1234 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Is it worth trying to get closure, or do I just let it go? Everything ended abruptly and I didn't even try to find out why other than his "do the right thing" answer. Should I try?? theres no point in trying if the other persn has already decided what he wants.There is nothing in this world u can do to make him feel what he doesnt.Closure wont give you any relief if he has hurt you to an extreme level.So better to let it go.
Author livdee Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 thanks, everyone. It helps to read these boards. Hopeful, I totally understand where you are coming from. It might have been easier to get a $%#!! text, but instead mine was very polite, acting like the thousands of texts did not even happen. If I just had a magic re-do button that would take me back to before we started texting. Where do we get those magic re-do buttons? :-) 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 thanks, everyone. It helps to read these boards. Hopeful, I totally understand where you are coming from. It might have been easier to get a $%#!! text, but instead mine was very polite, acting like the thousands of texts did not even happen. If I just had a magic re-do button that would take me back to before we started texting. Where do we get those magic re-do buttons? :-) Oh I wish I knew! When you find it, lemme kmow
NoLeafClover Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 closure is a biatch ..with an A in the middle 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I am so glad you started this discussion livdee! You had stated you almost wish he had given you an f- you text. (I said the same thing) BUT I have also said I wish I had received a kind reply like you did. Others have said my situation (NO text or call whatsoever) should be easiest because it was so cowardly that I come out the winner. Whatever the hell that means. LOL!!!! My point is it just goes to show no matter how it ended, we will never be satisfied with the reason and we have to find closure within ourselves! Stay strong! 1
JDPT Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Is it worth trying to get closure, or do I just let it go? Everything ended abruptly and I didn't even try to find out why other than his "do the right thing" answer. Should I try?? My relationship ended prematurely and abruptly as well. I attempted to gain closure from my ex but her response was in a very soft tone "you need to find closure by yourself." At that point I was completely clueless as to what she meant and it simply did not make any sense to me. In time, I realized that the same person who "hurts" you can't be the same that provides you with "closure". This is something you come to terms by yourself, you find peace within yourself and you decide to independently detach yourself and release all the pain and anger that is still attached to your ex. 2
Author livdee Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Hopefulfaerie, I know, what does that mean? Easy? None of this is easy. Just when I think, yea, I'm cool, I check my dang phone on the off chance there will be a text there! Oh well, we're string and will only get stronger! Much stronger than those who us! 1
hopefulfaerie Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hopefulfaerie, I know, what does that mean? Easy? None of this is easy. Just when I think, yea, I'm cool, I check my dang phone on the off chance there will be a text there! Oh well, we're string and will only get stronger! Much stronger than those who us! I catch myself checking for a damn text just when I think I never will again. UGH! Cheers to you all the same 1
Sugarkane Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 This really pisses me off because how are you supposed to learn anything, if you're abruptly dumped with no answers? Dumpers sound so nutty when they do this.
robbysurfs Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I just want to say I totally relate and this site has helped me a lot. I was in relationship and it had time where it was off and on mostly off. It got to this period where me and her did this once a week thing and I honestly thought we were gonna get back together it was like we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. What I came to believe now is she was letting go of me slowly and I couldn't see and I never asked questions. One day after leaving her apt. in the morning she stopped calling and I didn't call her to find out because I was scared to engage. 6months later nc I have no clue why what when where ....All I know is she just left and I am in the dark I went no FB off the grid...In my past experience calling her and txting to get a answer Is what I would of done and got thrusted back into pain. Trust me don't do it to yourself in the end it is for you. I mean you learn what you want what you don't want in a relationship and your pain will clear up and your heart will open up again for some more...You are not alone in this one and it might happen again or not but remember its all for you it is life... In a dark place we find ourselves, and a little more knowlege lights our way... Master Yoda 1
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