tkp Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 i feel so helpless past some months now. had a BU 5 months before and still feel the same as if it happened yesterday, i feel so guilt ridden and empty inside. i am just reminded of how great we were together, how we used to talk endlessly, my thoughts spiral and i am left into a vortex of negativity that now no girl would be worth this whatever i do, i will not get anyone like her ever again, i'll never be happy, i'll never find love again. i have to get married soon and trying to find the right girl, the pressure of that and my break up and on top of that my 10 gallon head has made it incredibly hard for me. i keep reversing back to my past and getting reminded of thing. i somewhere still feel that we might end up together, dont know why. i know i have to let her go but i am not able to do so, i am not able to pull myself together because of this feeling. i talk to my friend who has gone through break ups and he says you have to pull yourself out and work hard but at the moment it seems an impossible task to do, what ever i do, wherever i am, i am reminded of her. my mind is never free and i feel so terrible. i would appreciate any help whatsoever. thank you.
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 You don't HAVE to get married Enjoy life! 1
keepontruckin Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 tkp, it's a brutally hard thing to endure... It's a kick to the ****ing face. Just know that you aren't alone... 1
L1ght Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) Eventually you will realise that you miss what you had with another human being rather than missing the individual themselves. At the moment you feel like your ex is the only thing that matters but that's not what matters. What matters is the experience of getting so deep with somebody and in time you will be ready to share those kinds of experiences with somebody new. Accept its over. Accept that you wont have those experiences with your ex anymore. The sooner you accept it the quicker the pain will leave you. Its a turbulent ocean but you'll make it to the shore with enough willpower. Edited September 6, 2013 by L1ght 1
KCCK Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 it takes time... these things dont just heal overnight... Be positive, stay strong and always look towards the future... i agree with some of the advice given, go for exercise, do things you like, things that you couldnt do when you were in a relationship (for me, watching all those soccer games as my ex hated sports), go for your career, and when the time comes, go out meet new people, start dating again, and all this bad memories will just be another experience and lesson in life.. always look towards the future... there is a bright future waiting for you only if you allowed yourself to move towards that direction.. nobody can help you but yourself. =)
Author tkp Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 yes 'aspiringuitarherione' these are what my friend suggested also, he said that i should not give myself any free time so that my mind would pull me back into the vortex. it sounds very logical to me and i keep trying to do so, however there are moments (many of them) when while doing the work i realise that something is going on in the back of my head and i then find its her again!! ... @L1ght.. i think you might be right..i do miss what we shared between us and what she bought to the relationship... but will i be ever able to realize that kind of love with someone else looks like a dream to me which will realise only when my body is no more. i keep telling my myself that accept it, accept it...but my ****ing heart keeps realising my mind that no it isnt..its so ****ing frustating.. i have started sating myself for this kind of attitude... i was so great alone before i met her.. life was amazing to me...used to help people (still do), feel satisfied and this one year has spelt disaster for me... i feel completely lost..
L1ght Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) yes 'aspiringuitarherione' these are what my friend suggested also, he said that i should not give myself any free time so that my mind would pull me back into the vortex. it sounds very logical to me and i keep trying to do so, however there are moments (many of them) when while doing the work i realise that something is going on in the back of my head and i then find its her again!! ... @L1ght.. i think you might be right..i do miss what we shared between us and what she bought to the relationship... but will i be ever able to realize that kind of love with someone else looks like a dream to me which will realise only when my body is no more. i keep telling my myself that accept it, accept it...but my ****ing heart keeps realising my mind that no it isnt..its so ****ing frustating.. i have started sating myself for this kind of attitude... i was so great alone before i met her.. life was amazing to me...used to help people (still do), feel satisfied and this one year has spelt disaster for me... i feel completely lost.. Don't be too hard on yourself. We can have everything in life figured out and be a totally positive thinking person before we start a relationship with someone new but we can never predict how its gonna end up. Sometimes we win and other times we lose. Right now you feel worthless and crap but that's OK. Accept you lost, take the defeat on the chin. One week, one month or maybe three months from now I guarantee you that your mind will start to change and your self worth will come back. For now just accept it and take the pain.....it will leave you when you're ready. Edited September 6, 2013 by L1ght
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 This is something I was told myself, by a friend: be patient with yourself. You know what you have to do, but it's not an easy path. Give yourself time. Reward yourself. Don't overindulge but don't be so harsh on yourself either.
Author tkp Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 thank you for your words of advice. they do make me feel better and hold my hand showing me the light at the end of tunnel. yesterday, she messaged me, i messaged her back and unfortunately we talked (with sex talk scattered in between out talk). i feel so bad. i dont know, just could not resist replying to her message and eventually talking. all of her came back to me again and i know every sane person will tell me that i should not have talked to her. it seems to incredibly hard, i deleted her messages in morning. i have noticed that every sentence of mine has pity words in it. cant define why.
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