tuxedo cat Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) I've noticed that some unhealthy relationships resemble cults on a miniature scale where one partner has gained power over the other through mind control. I think there are types of people who naturally have personalities similar to cult leaders: they are charismatic, intelligent, deceptive and controlling. They don't always create organized cults. Usually they just control people around them on a smaller scale, be it friends, family or romantic partners. I'll outline the similarities based on my own experience with such a person. Deception: Cults present a sane, likeable front to new members and only gradually unveil their darker, crazier sides. By the time the new members learn what the cult is really about it is often too late, they are fully enmeshed. Similarly "cult partners" will hide their flaws at first, only revealing them piecemeal when they feel their victim is pliable and ready to accept anything. Exclusivity: Cults tell people they can only be saved by their organization alone. This makes people believe that if they disobey the cult they risk losing out on their one chance at happiness. Cult partners use a similar trick. They demean other people constantly, making their partner believe that others are inferior and incapable of providing happy relationships. They may also emphasize the rareness of their connection and how superior it is to other relationships. In a romantic relationship it's normal to be say things like "our connection feels so wonderful." It's not normal to say "our relationship is better than other relationships." Basically if there's a lot of comparing going on, be wary. The victim ends up doing whatever it takes to appease their partner because they don't want to be abandoned and left to settle for an inferior connection. Fear and Intimidation: Cults use guilt and character assassinations to control members. If you're not happy yet it's because you're not trying hard enough. A cult partner may use a similar technique. If you're unhappy with me it's because you're being a bad partner, you're not putting in enough effort, you don't love me enough. It couldn't be because I'm slowly chipping away at your self esteem. Character assassination is a type of argument used by people who have no real argument. Cult leaders and cult partners use it when you take them to task on anything. Here's an example: "You promised me xyz and you didn't deliver." "What are you talking about? I never said that." "You did. I remember." "No I didn't. You always do this...you have such a selective memory for events. I can't be with somebody distorted like that." Love-bombing: Cult members will practice love-bombing where they arrange instant friends for you. Similarly in a cult-like relationship you may imagine that you feel an intense, immediate bond because your partner is bombarding you with affection and flattery. Isolation: Cults will cut members off from outside influence by forcing them to sever all of their other relationships. Fortunately my partner never went this far but I know that it is a common tactic used by controlling people on their victims. Other similarities: There's a stereotype that cult members are always weak or emotionally unstable. But in fact oftentimes they appear relatively normal, attractive and intelligent. What they all seem to have in common is that they joined the cult at a low point in their lives. Similarly people are most susceptible to cult relationships when they are going through a rough patch and their defenses are down. Does the cult partner/leader really believe their crap or are they knowingly exploiting people? I believe cult personalities often do believe they're doing the right thing for some common good -- either the good of an organization or the good of a relationship -- and this is what makes their control so insidious, because sometimes even they are unaware of it. Edited September 6, 2013 by tuxedo cat 2
AMusing Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Did you come up with this analogy yourself? Very thoughtful and nicely written; you were describing my former abusive relationship to the T. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) so are you talking about brainwashing a partner or friends or family and that that person is a leader through deceptive mind control.....so therefore cultish....... i think the mental health care system is a cult...they suggest shock therapy and coerce you into believing its best for you,they inject you with horse tranquilizers if you dont walk the yellow line of their beliefs..fill you with medication that stuffs up your whole lifestyle and thoughts.......one girl i knew produced milk like a cow for six months straight before they figured out her oestrogen levels were through the roof.......and if you want to leave you have to agree everything they say is true even if you think its a crock otherwise they keep you in...................they all wear white.......they make you all eat at the exactly same time...they put straight jackets on you if you get restless and try and escape and put you in a room with newspaper on the floor and no bed to keep you humble and apologetic...they say they never want to see you in there again when you leave.....and that everything they have doen is to improve who you are and how you live and you should say thanks......i actually wrote them a poem...and said i would miss them..... you can look at any group or select organisation or relationship and see cult like attributes doesnt make it a cult....although writing all that i now believe i have been part of a cult.....called the mental health care system.....with an acute care team who were out to get me in the long run if you are in any type of relationship that is detrimental...then whose responsibility is it to leave as adults we make our own choices.....i dont blame anyone for anything i choose to do....and whether others think i am brainwashed or not.....doesnt matter...as long as i am happy...then they should be happy..i have never been involved in a cult relationship or cult activity....i like having an opinion and a life......and sharing it with people who either agree or disagree with my opinions i like the fact that people are different and have the choice to choose how they want to live.....its a god given right........deb Edited September 6, 2013 by todreaminblue
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