Is it possible to maintain a friendship with the person you had an affair with...post

[JustJoe]

Well, things have went okay so far. The first week was strange. I wasn't sure how a normal friendship should be between us, as we had a d day and it was horrid. Then we had flare ups of contact about three times that were equally explosive involving our spouses. So I wasn't sure if we were going to be friends, as in waving when we drive by eachother. No more hate, anger, and letting it all go. Or real friends. But it turns out we have been really getting along well. I am unsure if this is bad or good....sometimes I believes we are both unhealthly attatched to eachother. We messaged all day to eachother AGAIN ( like before d day) while we are at work. And at first he was very short and like many have mentioned, I felt like he was a ****ty friend. He kept his foot in the door but didn't give anything in return for what I put in it. So I told him it was to soon and to much. I fought to hard to be his friend, and I could not keep fighting anymore, it is exhausting. And he changed. He messages me non stop all day. Messages in my in box when I wake up. I don't get him. He has went from "just friends" nothing more. To making comments about how i'm looking good. To asking who i'm with, what i'm doing, making little jealous comments, really only a significant other would do. One night he was talking about how confused he was . But wouldn't' elaborate on what and I didn't push. I'm trying to avoid these kinds of conversations. Keep in mind, we haven't seen eachother in person for a couple weeks and that was a brief outdoor conversation. He's always very panicky about making sure he lets me know he will talk to me again, and making sure I will talk to him again. I genuinely feel ( and trust me this isn't my first round with this man on this , I know when he's being a ******* or being sincere) he has some second thoughts going on. The wheels are turning in his head. But i'm not sure i'm wanting that anymore. I'm happy with the progress I have made and where i'm going with my at home life. I just wanted to be friendly. I don't know what to do:(

Why are you continuing to betray your husband? You have simply gone from a PA to an EA. The secrecy is still there, the deceit is still there and the disrespect is still there. You really haven't changed at all, have you? What will happen when your husband finds out that you are still having intimate contact with your affair partner? What will HIS wife's reaction be?

[Wambo]

Nope nope nope and NO.

 

Most people can't and as stated an EA starts and leads to the PA all over again.

 

I couldn't do it because I know there are feelings for xmw, they will always be there, no matter how dormant they lie, but we crossed the line so it will either be a full blown A, a real R, or nothing at all.

 

 

Sadly I have to agree with this. There maybe some exceptions but is it worth putting your marriage at risks to find out?

 

My former EA partner wants us to remain friends and committed to prevent me walking away. Does that sounds like a friendship to you? I call it another EA in the making.

[AWilson]

I tried to be a friend to her.

 

Impossible. I knew too much. She was still telling me about their marriage problems, about how all her friends hate her H and how her parents hate her H.

 

She'd tell me about every fight, which would give me hope.

 

She couldn't not talk to me about it. Our affair wasn't but 2 months long, but apparently, I've been emotionally supporting her for 2.5 years.

 

I told her today, I can't be friends.

 

It is time to heal...