pteeque Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Hey Just broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years, living togther for 1 year. She was very negative about life, worrying excesively, starting most of our arguments. When we got on we got on really well. I'm very positive and have an optimistic outlook. It was the constant arguments and moaning that led me to break up with her. For the last four weeks she has developed clinical depression and that was putting a bigger strain on the relationship as well. Because of living together we dont have much to talk about, id more say we had become very comfortable with each other, enjoyed just doing things together. We had a fight over something stupid and she said she was going to move back to her dads (150 miles away) I have not been fully happy with us for a while and I told her I wanted to break up and we talked. She told me she didn't mean it about moving back to her dads. I still went ahead and told her I couldn't do it anymore. The thing thats killing me inside is she was crying her eyes out almost hysterically and kept saying "but i love you" "you told me you'd never leave me" "We should try and work it out if we love each other" I do love her but that doesn't mean I was happy. I just feel like i've really let her down, the only person she could rely on and ive done this to her. Her dad doesn't really want her back living with him and her local family to her sent her on the coach first thing in the morning. Her family came round and picked her up most of them having a go at me for breaking up with her, some of them getting quite violent with me at one point. (have they any right to do that?!) It was all over before I could think what i'd done. i'm left sitting here now feeling sick to the stomach, can't eat, sleep, im a mess at work. Don't know if ive done the right thing. The house feels empty and I feel lonely inside. Can't take her back after all the family problems ive caused and not sure if thats the easy way out. Im dying to text her or call her. Its been 5 days. Ive not heard from her. Can anyone relate to any of this. Advise me what to do or what im going through is normal. Will she want to hear from me after ive broke her heart. I think I might have made the one of the biggest mistakes of my life, Paul
angbez33 Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 my boyfriend broke up with me last night so this might be horrible advise but.....if you love her and think she could be the one deep down then call her. If you think for even a little bit you cant be with her then dont hurt her more by trying again. Seems like you like her alot and if you loved her before the depression love her enough to help her get through this tough time. But dont do it just because you feel bad for her it has to be based on your feelings for her.
bluechocolate Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I think I might have made the one of the biggest mistakes of my life, There isn't much point in trying to get in touch as long as you "think" you "might" have made a mistake. Sort yourself out first. and some of them getting quite violent with me at one point. (have they any right to do that?!) of course not, but for some folks family is family. These folks sound like they could be a big obstacle to overcome.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I can understand what you are going through. Although, I am the one who is in the place where your girlfriend is. I fell into depression two months ago because of stress surrounding looking for work and money. I totally ignored the warning signs of depression and didn't get help, and because of it I hurt my b/f and our relationship...I drove him away. Last weekend we had one last big fight and now it's over. We've had a couple of emails back and forth, and I think he is where you are....really torn. My first question to you would be, is she on medication for her depression and has she sought help? If so, then she will probably get better, as long as she has people around her that love her. If she hasn't gotten help, then you need to tell her straight up..."I love you, and you need help...please do this for us and for yourself." All you can do right now is promise to be there for her. Maybe make yourself available by phone, but please don't rush back into where things were....you both need to get better so you can be together in a healthy relationship.
Author pteeque Posted November 18, 2004 Author Posted November 18, 2004 Hey jen . She is on antidepressants Cipralex. (supposidely becoming one of the most poplular SSRI's of 2004 due to lack of side effects) Think they were starting to work, but by then too much damage was done. I guess I got so used to her depressed personality and dwelled on the arguments we would have when she had been ok. I thought if I had 51% doubts about us and 49% we were ok then its not fair to stay together when I wasn't fully commited. I ended up sending her a text tonight, not looking to follow No Contact rules yet. Sent a really apologetic txt seeing if she was ok, and she replyed quite negative and angry. Should I delete her number and start NC? Cheers
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 It sounds like you sent her an olive branch...extended to her your compassion and that you care for her. I'm willing to bet that emotions are too raw for her right now. It may take a bit of time before she can let go of the hurt of being left. But at least you let her know where you stand. I wouldn't write things off just yet. If she just started on the medication, then it may take some time before it really works for her. If you both had issues in your relationship before the depression took hold, then you will need to talk to her about how you can resolve them so that they don't feed her depression or bring on another episode. People with depression have trouble coping with stress...everything feels huge...all the emotions are overwhelming. It will take time for her. Be patient if you can. I would suggest sending her a message every five days or so to let her know that you are thinking about her and that as angry as she is with you, that you are there for her. And if you want to make things work then tell her that.
Recommended Posts