volley Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Heres a little info first. My ex boyfriend and I have been apart a year now after a 6yr relationship. He broke up with me. Our relationship was good, he's 42 and I'm 27. It worked very well. Until 2 yrs before we broke up. We lost our baby and I became very depressed. I seeked help thought I was better but I was getting worse. He broke up with me out of the blue. Stated there is nothing left of our relationship. Won't happen again. Wow really!! But yet we still said we will remain friends. Idid get help for my depression and break up and now I have been then happiest person and I'm cleared from my depression. 8 months after are break up we hung out twice. The second time was flirting and kissing. Then we stop cause he said he had a lot on his plate and that he needs his space nothing personal. So I haven't spoken to him in a month. Nc went in order. I broke nc yesterday. I text him "hey how are you, I hope all is well?" He texted back the next day and said " I'm cool and I'm still kicking haha." I'm surprized he texted back and now I don't know what to say because I love this man. I don't know if I should be a smart ass or calm and causal. Can I get advice please?
almond Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Advice? Don't go there again. Move forward. It was only a few weeks ago that he was kissing you etc. and then pulled back and gave a vague reason. He is not as interested as you are. Don't set yourself up for pain again. 5
Author volley Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 J'adore, he told me he doesnt want to get married or have childern. Even his sister told me alone at dinner one time. I decided to text back him back calm and casual. We talked about our dogs that we have had together. I just couldn't take one cause I moved to my parents. But once I get my own place I will be able to take one. Again I love him with all my heart and I know deep down he has love for me and could love me again. We shared a lot together and even though our age difference it worked out great. Itjust that stupied last two years I regreat so much. I know he fell out of love with me because of how I was being very ddepressed. Its I wish he could have communicated how he felt. Our relationship could have worked out if we had worked together. I just hate that he gave up and said done never again. Like why? I have never did anything bad beside being severly depressed but I'm over and cleared by a doctor. I'm thinking about keeping my text calm and casual. Only texting here and there. I want him back as my boyfriend . I know he is the one!
serial muse Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 J'adore, he told me he doesnt want to get married or have childern. Even his sister told me alone at dinner one time. I decided to text back him back calm and casual. We talked about our dogs that we have had together. I just couldn't take one cause I moved to my parents. But once I get my own place I will be able to take one. Again I love him with all my heart and I know deep down he has love for me and could love me again. We shared a lot together and even though our age difference it worked out great. Itjust that stupied last two years I regreat so much. I know he fell out of love with me because of how I was being very ddepressed. Its I wish he could have communicated how he felt. Our relationship could have worked out if we had worked together. I just hate that he gave up and said done never again. Like why? I have never did anything bad beside being severly depressed but I'm over and cleared by a doctor. I'm thinking about keeping my text calm and casual. Only texting here and there. I want him back as my boyfriend . I know he is the one! Um, if he's the kind of person who'll cut and run when you're depressed after losing a baby, I'm really not sure what's so great about him. There's no crystal ball for the future...life is full of ups and downs. Don't you want to be with someone who will weather those things by your side? He's told you he didn't want to get married and have children, he's made it clear that unhappiness on your part is a dealbreaker, and honestly, in his case the age difference probably does signify an unwillingness to commit for the long-term; he's probably well aware that someone closer to his own age would want to be more settled and ask for more of a commitment of some kind. In short, he doesn't sound like someone interested in a long-term relationship. I'd say, believe him when he says he needs his personal space. That means exactly what it sounds like. I hope you'll move on. 2
Author volley Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Well I know I'm 27 but I know what I want in my life and that is the same no kid and no getting married and I have told him many times I want the same . Our baby was a oopsy. I didnt plan for me being all depressed and ruining our relationship. I planned on being with him forever. He has hadhis fwbs and for me I dated someone but dump him becuase he was an idoit lier. I don't know if he is seeing someone. But I'm not. How do I get him back?
BC1980 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Don't blame yourself for getting depressed after having a miscarriage. I would think that is pretty normal, and he apparently didn't want to be there during the "for worse" part. Jeez. That's pretty low. First, you need to stop blaming yourself for supposedly ruining the relationship. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Well I know I'm 27 but I know what I want in my life and that is the same no kid and no getting married and I have told him many times I want the same . Our baby was a oopsy. I didnt plan for me being all depressed and ruining our relationship. I planned on being with him forever. He has hadhis fwbs and for me I dated someone but dump him becuase he was an idoit lier. I don't know if he is seeing someone. But I'm not. How do I get him back? You can't. It's up to him to want to come back. You can't, and shouldn't want to, manipulate it. Instead of trying to manipulate someone into loving you, you should find someone who will actually want to love you out of their own free will. 4
Sugarkane Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Just to add if he's this age and doesn't want kids, he probably will never change his mind.
Author volley Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 Iam just not ready to date. I have a few times since we broke up, but the men out there are just players, cheaters, and liers forsure. I'm so done in the dating scene. U just wish he would give me a second chance. Maybe down the road.rHe could realize he made a mistake. I guess u never know what the future holds.
BC1980 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 You can't put your life on hold waiting for this guy. You could be opening yourself up to meeting someone special instead of wanting a guy that clearly has no interest anymore. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Mariposa10 Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Iam just not ready to date. I have a few times since we broke up, but the men out there are just players, cheaters, and liers forsure. I'm so done in the dating scene. U just wish he would give me a second chance. Maybe down the road.rHe could realize he made a mistake. I guess u never know what the future holds. There are some good guys out there, believe me. Your ex is not an angel, so don't idolize him. If he had been an angel, he would've stayed with when you were suffering having a hard time. Go out, you don't have to get into a relationship, just go out and have some fun.
Author volley Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I know he is no Angel. What he did to me was so ****ty. He never came to me and communicated that he was feeling this way. He just up and said we're done. Really a 6yr relationship and you have poor comunication still. I supported him while he went overseas to do a contract job for a year. Why couldn't he have supported me through my depression , why didnt he come to my appt etc. I know I doubted him while I was depressed and always asked whi he's texting. But I was so insecure with myself cause I knew I wasn't me and I hated feeling trapped. Our relationship could have worked out if he communicated to me how he felt and came with me. He always told me couples do things together. He even told me he was going to propose to me in 2010 but I think he was scared because its a huge commitment. He was39 but know 42. But what makes me upset is he said there is nothing left of our relationship and it will never happen again. Really?? We were together for six yrs and it was pretty good. I did a lot for him. Made his house a home, did house work etc. He was taken care of lets say. Now he doesn't have that. I don't know if he's scared of commitment of being in a long term relationship or if me being depressed and being insecure and doubting him pushed him away and losing his love for me. Its hard to move on when in heart you know he is the one and you have shared 6years together. I know there are plenty of nice men out there but its hard. 1
BC1980 Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 The reasons you are stating is why I would be very hesitant to give you any advice on how to get him back. I just don't think he is worthy of you at all. I think you should really look at this logically and decide if this man is worth your time. I know 6 years is a lot of time to just let go of, but be glad it wasn't 6 more. You wanted to get married a long time ago I'm guessing? I've been down that soul crushing road myself. I think that if in 6 years he didn't marry you, he probably never will.
Author volley Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Nope I never mentioned the marriage thing to him. Its just we went on a vacation out of state and while I was packing his sister was like bring your finger nail polish to touch up ur nails. I'm like that's odd. Then we got down there and went to the mail and walked by a kays jewler store. That's we he said it. I was shocked..
Author volley Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I didnt care if we got married or not all I wanted is dor us to be together forever loving one amother and I still want that. Maybe I should just go back to nc.I don't know. I kust knowbhe is making a huge mistake. I just wish he could love me again and live happly ever after. I think he's worth it but what he did to me not loving me through my hard time. I wish he could have jumped into my body and then I give up on him. He was 39 a grown ass man. Know hea 42 and wants to be single the rest of his life. Never get married or have kids. Which is good with me. Its the fact he's out partying bar hopping has fwbs. Its like he is having a midlife crisis. Its like we could have went out to bars dancing etc.but when he wants to do something we do it but if i want to do something we dont.But its ok I get him. Hes been independant his whole life. Being a contracter through the military. He has had a few relationships but broke them off too. Its just I want us back and work this out.
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