how do I move on with no closure?

[Lishy]

So I was with my bf for 3 months - Not a long time but I have known him for years and we have always had a thing for each other but the timing was always wrong until recently

 

So we were getting on well, enjoying our time together - He had just started hinting he was in love with me etc

 

So 3 weeks ago he went on a boys stag weekend and when he was there he rang and text me giving me updates on where they had been and what his friends were doing/saying etc he told me how much he missed me and as soon as he got back he dropped his cases in his hall and came to me ... But we didnt have sex ... he said he needed to go early to have a shower

 

The following week a random girl put 5 photo's on his facebook page ... I looked at her profile which was open and she had checked into the same resort that he was at and had put how excited she was to be going to Brighton - The pics she put on his profile was a pic of the front of a house, a pic of a statue, and pic of HER and a pic of what looks like him walking in the sea but it was far away but I am sure it was him

 

The pics played on my mind and having been cheated on before I was not willing to just let this go so I went onto my friends facebook profile and added this girl as a friend and then asked her about the pics - She didnt know who I was and said her first love found her and took her to Brighton for her birthday and that she loved him

 

I asked more questions and she became suspicious and said she didnt want to cause a problem - I rang him and asked him to come to mine so I could confront him face to face

 

Basically he denied it - His reaction looked genuine but he must be lying as he mentioned the friends name I used to talk to this girl so she must have called him to tell him - He said he went to school with her but hadnt seen her since school days and he had no idea why she was saying this - He then said he had to go to his aunts to sort this out - He rang me later to say his friend was going to show me loads of photos he had taken while they were in Brighton

 

This was 5 weeks ago now and he told me he will prove beyond doubt that he was on a stag with his friends and I have heard nothing from him at all - I have not contacted him either

 

Why couldnt he just admit it? If he didnt want to be with me why didnt he just finish it with us we were in a new relationship anyway

 

I really thought I could trust this guy

 

There was a part of me who thought he might be telling the truth but if he was he would have proved it wouldnt he?

 

My problem is that there is no closure ... a nagging doubt that she may have been lying is in there and this feeling of the trust I had in him that should not have been there will not go away, how do I close this once and for all?

[joe86]

You can't really get closure from a person you can't trust.

 

It sucks I know. You deserve better & deserve someone you can trust. The only closure you need is the knowledge that you can find someone better.

[Lishy]

I know I would never take him back but it was just over so quick and no discussion, he didn't even try to prove the innocence he was professing ... I have never had this happen to me

 

How can I ever trust again? He seemed sooo into me I didn't doubt him for a second! I feel so numb

[saltyfishhead666]

So I was with my bf for 3 months - Not a long time but I have known him for years and we have always had a thing for each other but the timing was always wrong until recently

 

So we were getting on well, enjoying our time together - He had just started hinting he was in love with me etc

 

So 3 weeks ago he went on a boys stag weekend and when he was there he rang and text me giving me updates on where they had been and what his friends were doing/saying etc he told me how much he missed me and as soon as he got back he dropped his cases in his hall and came to me ... But we didnt have sex ... he said he needed to go early to have a shower

 

The following week a random girl put 5 photo's on his facebook page ... I looked at her profile which was open and she had checked into the same resort that he was at and had put how excited she was to be going to Brighton - The pics she put on his profile was a pic of the front of a house, a pic of a statue, and pic of HER and a pic of what looks like him walking in the sea but it was far away but I am sure it was him

 

The pics played on my mind and having been cheated on before I was not willing to just let this go so I went onto my friends facebook profile and added this girl as a friend and then asked her about the pics - She didnt know who I was and said her first love found her and took her to Brighton for her birthday and that she loved him

 

I asked more questions and she became suspicious and said she didnt want to cause a problem - I rang him and asked him to come to mine so I could confront him face to face

 

Basically he denied it - His reaction looked genuine but he must be lying as he mentioned the friends name I used to talk to this girl so she must have called him to tell him - He said he went to school with her but hadnt seen her since school days and he had no idea why she was saying this - He then said he had to go to his aunts to sort this out - He rang me later to say his friend was going to show me loads of photos he had taken while they were in Brighton

 

This was 5 weeks ago now and he told me he will prove beyond doubt that he was on a stag with his friends and I have heard nothing from him at all - I have not contacted him either

 

Why couldnt he just admit it? If he didnt want to be with me why didnt he just finish it with us we were in a new relationship anyway

 

I really thought I could trust this guy

 

There was a part of me who thought he might be telling the truth but if he was he would have proved it wouldnt he?

 

My problem is that there is no closure ... a nagging doubt that she may have been lying is in there and this feeling of the trust I had in him that should not have been there will not go away, how do I close this once and for all?

 

 

 

You won't get closure from this and even if you did you'd always wonder if what he had said was a lie.

 

It looks like he was playing around, he got caught with his pants down and then ran off. It's easier for wimps like him to run rather than to say I screwed up, I'm sorry.

 

It looks like you got off lightly. Although it hurts it could have been so much worse.

 

You are a stunning young lady and you deserve much better than that.

 

X

[Lishy]

The thing is that we have lots of mutual friends and he lives a stones throw from me so we will defo bump into each other

 

What do I do when I see him?

[saltyfishhead666]

The thing is that we have lots of mutual friends and he lives a stones throw from me so we will defo bump into each other

 

What do I do when I see him?

 

You ignore him, he's not worth the air you breath let alone a look in his direction.

 

Move on, smile, laugh and be happy. I know you can't right now but as I was told. Even if your heart is in 1,000 pieces fake it until you make it x

[livdee]

Lishy, kind of same story here. I still find myself looking in his direction when I drive by, he lives on my corner, but I think he is totally avoiding me. Just shows the coward he is. We deserve so much more. I don't think I'll get closure from him either so we just have to create it oursekves. We can do this!

[crazy1234]

So I was with my bf for 3 months - Not a long time but I have known him for years and we have always had a thing for each other but the timing was always wrong until recently

 

So we were getting on well, enjoying our time together - He had just started hinting he was in love with me etc

 

So 3 weeks ago he went on a boys stag weekend and when he was there he rang and text me giving me updates on where they had been and what his friends were doing/saying etc he told me how much he missed me and as soon as he got back he dropped his cases in his hall and came to me ... But we didnt have sex ... he said he needed to go early to have a shower

 

The following week a random girl put 5 photo's on his facebook page ... I looked at her profile which was open and she had checked into the same resort that he was at and had put how excited she was to be going to Brighton - The pics she put on his profile was a pic of the front of a house, a pic of a statue, and pic of HER and a pic of what looks like him walking in the sea but it was far away but I am sure it was him

 

The pics played on my mind and having been cheated on before I was not willing to just let this go so I went onto my friends facebook profile and added this girl as a friend and then asked her about the pics - She didnt know who I was and said her first love found her and took her to Brighton for her birthday and that she loved him

 

I asked more questions and she became suspicious and said she didnt want to cause a problem - I rang him and asked him to come to mine so I could confront him face to face

 

Basically he denied it - His reaction looked genuine but he must be lying as he mentioned the friends name I used to talk to this girl so she must have called him to tell him - He said he went to school with her but hadnt seen her since school days and he had no idea why she was saying this - He then said he had to go to his aunts to sort this out - He rang me later to say his friend was going to show me loads of photos he had taken while they were in Brighton

 

This was 5 weeks ago now and he told me he will prove beyond doubt that he was on a stag with his friends and I have heard nothing from him at all - I have not contacted him either

 

Why couldnt he just admit it? If he didnt want to be with me why didnt he just finish it with us we were in a new relationship anyway

 

I really thought I could trust this guy

 

There was a part of me who thought he might be telling the truth but if he was he would have proved it wouldnt he?

 

My problem is that there is no closure ... a nagging doubt that she may have been lying is in there and this feeling of the trust I had in him that should not have been there will not go away, how do I close this once and for all?

You cant get closure when u simply dont know if to trust this person or not cause whtever he is going to say for closure might not be true.Guys can do anything and say anything when it comes to saving their ass.My take on this would be u gather some more proof and this time solid ones.why dont you try calling that hotel or place where they went and try checking who he checked in with?This measure is only to be sure,nothing else.Dont get clingy and that keep yourself strong cause u never know what u might find.

[Sugarkane]

Sounds really suss. I posted here ages ago with a thread "Why do people love leaving BU's unresolved?". Because it's happened to me and it pisses me off when people do this. Everyone says on here, what did you do wrong/ what can you learn from this? But that can be hard to answer if youve done everything right and they just leave with no answers and unresolved.

[Lishy]

It is so much harder because I have no idea if he regrets it or if he is happy with this girl now

[It-is-what-it-is.]

This is the closure you need.

 

He was with her.

 

He lied to you.

 

He knew it and lied to get out of your house.

 

He's too much of a wuss to tell you the truth.

 

He is a cheat and liar and you dodged a bullet.

 

You handled this very well. Good job, and I am sorry.

 

IIWII

[Lishy]

This is the closure you need.

 

He was with her.

 

He lied to you.

 

He knew it and lied to get out of your house.

 

He's too much of a wuss to tell you the truth.

 

He is a cheat and liar and you dodged a bullet.

 

You handled this very well. Good job, and I am sorry.

 

IIWII

 

 

Thank you soooo much for that! I know all that to be true but in the same sense I cannot work out why I feel the need to get a closure that I know in my heart I will never get from him

 

I am proud I have not contacted him and I feel I did the right thing but I wish the feelings would just leave me

 

Thank you again though

[Ireallydontknow]

The way you move on without closure is the same you would with closure. Do you think knowing the real motive helps? Trust me it doesn't. I got closure. It doesn't help.