RowanRavyn Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 I started to write this, and read Hokey's thread, and now feel dumb for complaining. I have been sick for nearly a year. It started off as shingles. Then this summer they decided it was Lupus, now they think its Multiple Sclerosis. ::SIGH:: I don't allow myself to complain much. (At least about my health ;-) ) I have been out of work since last December. My honey is in school, and his schedule allows him to do a lot of things with the kids, and to help me out, and the fact that he will have his choice of Pixar or Lucas Arts when he graduates is a good thing. Our finances are crap. I am in a great deal of pain, fatigued, and trying to keep things on an up swing. I had to quit my college course this fall because I couldn't handle it physically. Like I said, I don't complain much, so my MIL doesn't understand why I am not back at work. Even though she sees the difficulty I have moving around, and has seen me nearly fall over when the nerves go hay-wire in my leg. Its the fact that I don't talk about it, or complain. I don't like whining. I don't' feel like I have a right to complain about how I feel when I have so many amazing people in my life taking care of me, and supporting me. I am tired folks. Exhausted. I have not had a pain free moment in a year. My vision got so blurry that I couldn't read or be on here, then the weather cooled off and it got better. I can't take hot showers anymore because I am so fatigued at the end that I end up falling and hurting myself. Damn it, cancer didn't take this much out of me, and aside from being depressed, and am to a point of being pissed off about it. I am luckier than most, but I want to do things on my own. Like I said, with Hokey's news this feels...selfish posting here, but I needed to get it off my chest.
bluechocolate Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 ...selfish posting here, but I needed to get it off my chest. You cold book a 3 hour b*tch session with the mother-in-law. I am tired folks. Exhausted. I have not had a pain free moment in a year. It must so difficult, I can only imagine. Are they any closer to knowing what is going on with you? I can't take hot showers anymore because I am so fatigued at the end that I end up falling and hurting myself. Get a water-proof garden chair that will fit in your shower & put it on a non-slip mat. Seriously. I have a friend who did this, he swears it works a treat (he has lymphatic cancer). You have my best wishes. cheers
izzybelle Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 rowan, don't feel selfish posting about what's going on with you ever!!!! i agree you should just let your MIL have it. mine was less than supportive when i found out i had breast cancer. in fact she did everything she could first to make it sound like i was making a big deal out of nothing and then she did everything she could to make my life even more miserable. she chose that time to make an all out attack on me personally and ultimately had a hand in destroying what was already a failing marriage. take care of yourself, and do what you need to do the he** with what anyone else says you should be doing. they don't know and they don't understand. if there's ever a time in your life to be selfish, this is it! take care! izzy
moimeme Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 There isn't a relative scale of pain and discomfort such that people only at a certain level are 'allowed' to mention their problems. It's dreadful when the docs can't quite figure out what's wrong or what to do. And it must be horrid to be so tired and in so much pain Grump away all you like! That's what LS is for Here's hoping that the docs figure out what's up soon and come up with some treatments to help you out. I wish I had some useful advice.
RowanRavyn Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 ::GROUP HUGGLES:: Thanks guys. BC I followed your suggestion. What a lovely shower! My MIL is taking me more seriously, I completely unloaded on her with how I am feeling.
havNfun Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 no solution - just a hug to a cute lady in pain. hugs
meanon Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I hope you feel better soon, Rowan. I've been wondering how you were getting on - post away, that's what we're here for
RowanRavyn Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 I will welcome any and all hugs! Most of the time I do really well. Lately, the depression demon is stressing me out!
havNfun Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 well my hugs are free and unlimited. (smile). but, I have been in depression, major before and I know how horrible it can be. Hang on to that thought deep within you, that part of you that knows this will pass eventually. anyway, have been there and not much other's can do but bare with you from my experiences. HUGE Koala BEAR HUG!!
RowanRavyn Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Originally posted by havNfun well my hugs are free and unlimited. (smile). but, I have been in depression, major before and I know how horrible it can be. Hang on to that thought deep within you, that part of you that knows this will pass eventually. anyway, have been there and not much other's can do but bare with you from my experiences. Yeah I have been snippy this week. I haven't gotten much sleep. My honey gets bonus points. The funniest thing was my nine year old son looking at me and saying..."Mom, are you having PMS right now?" I gave him "the look". He skittered to the back of the apartment, and a few minutes later he and my fiance came through with their jackets on, and a be right back. They came back with chocolate and Coca-Cola HUGE Koala BEAR HUG!! Awww..::Remembers her little clip on Koala Bear::
RowanRavyn Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Hi guys, I have had a lot of you on my mind, wondering how you are. I haven't been on much at all lately. I have an MRI December 27th, and an evoked potentials test in January. I started having facial numbness earlier this week and it kicked everyone into high gear.
moimeme Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 'Evoked potentials'? Sounds so depth-analysis
HokeyReligions Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 Oh Rowan! LS is the only place I feel I can complain and whine -- join the club 'cause it sounds like you have earned it! I'm anxious to know what the doctors tell you after your MRI. I hope that its not MS, or that if it is your symptoms can be treated successfully. I know several people with MS and have been involved in support groups and learned about so many new treatments. Two people in the group in Houston started out with symptoms similar to yours and one thought it was a stroke because she was paralyzed on her left side. This before they were properly diagnosed and treated. Once treatment began they both responded well and have greatly reduced the physical pain and both are mobile now! There is always hope. YOU make me feel embarassed for talking about my various health issues. No one's problems are worse than or better than another persons. Illness is not a competition! You are a strong person -- already beat cancer and as I am in the process of doing so, I tell myself "If Rowan can do it, so can I" The scariest part is not knowing what is causing symptoms. Once you find out, you can begin the right treatment. I'm not a religious person, but I'm sending you good, healthy thoughts and cyber hugs! We are here for you and there are several websites that you may find helpful -- some include message boards. I urge anyone not familiar with MS to visit some of these boards to learn more too. http://www.msworld.org/ http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Newly%20Diagnosed.asp http://www.nmss.org/ Once the fatigue and physical pain issues are handled -- and they WILL be! You can look for employment and careers that you can do and be successful. One of the boards has a section on employment and MS. The mind does not atrophy and that is how you can continue to be independent and contribute to your family and your self and being able to contribute and be independent goes a LOOOONG way toward easing the physical problems and dealing with the discomfort and limitations of your body. What you are experiencing now will not last forever -- there is better ahead for you.
RowanRavyn Posted December 19, 2004 Posted December 19, 2004 ::Blubbers like an idiot:: Thanks Hokey. I want to write more, but I think I have used up all the typing in my hands at the moment. Thank you. ::HUGS::
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