sugarblossom Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Hello LoveShack, Would it be a deal-breaker for you if a woman has studied in the same (male-dominated) field, but at a higher level? I'm looking forward to reading both men and women's opinions about this.
pteromom Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 That would be a really silly dealbreaker. "Oh noes, she is smarter than me! Makes me feel all unmanly and inferior! Can't have that!" Would definitely not be a dealbreaker for me if a man is more or less educated than I am. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I'm a woman but if I were the woman in that situation, no, of course not. It'd be really cool actually, as it shows that you have a common interest (the field of study) and can probably learn a great deal from each other! Any guy threatened that I had gotten a bit further along in my education than him at a given point in time would be someone way too insecure to hold my attention. My boyfriend and I both have the same undergraduate degree, only I got a higher classification than him. Yet he is way better than me at actually putting our field of study into action (we both studied music, I'm now pursuing a MA in a different field and he is working a random job while looking at ways into teaching or music production). If we're ever in the mood to tease each other I will point out that I got a better grade than him; he'll laugh it off and then ask me how many gigs I've played lately (0)
TB Rhine Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 That's all well and good - until you inevitably leave him 'cause he'll never be the chair of his department or what have you. We like to think such gender role-related poppycock is a thing of the past, but the fact is most women leave husbands who lose their jobs and/or make less money than they do. It's just evolution, folks.
Author sugarblossom Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far. It's not an issue for me either, but I have noticed that it isn't an ideal common interest. I'm scared I may come across as a know-it-all if I share my opinion on the subject.
Author sugarblossom Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 That's all well and good - until you inevitably leave him 'cause he'll never be the chair of his department or what have you. We like to think such gender role-related poppycock is a thing of the past, but the fact is most women leave husbands who lose their jobs and/or make less money than they do. It's just evolution, folks. I wasn't expecting that, I always thought the man leaving for someone who will look up to him would be the biggest threat to the relationship. 2
pteromom Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 That's all well and good - until you inevitably leave him 'cause he'll never be the chair of his department or what have you. We like to think such gender role-related poppycock is a thing of the past, but the fact is most women leave husbands who lose their jobs and/or make less money than they do. It's just evolution, folks. As someone in her 40s with LOTS of friends who have had unemployed husbands, I call BS on this. I don't know ANYONE who has left her husband because he didn't make enough money or lost his job. Do you have some stats to back you up? 4
soccerrprp Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Hello LoveShack, Would it be a deal-breaker for you if a woman has studied in the same (male-dominated) field, but at a higher level? No, not at all.
tman666 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I'd be just fine with that. -Stimulating conversation -greater possibility of good networking opportunities/advancement in your field -good sugar mama potential (kidding, kidding) In all seriousness, I can see this being a potentially contentious pairing. I don't think that it's outside the realm of possibility that the female in this situation could come to view the man as some sort of an underling. In addition, most men have a latent desire to feel like the provider and protector (it's in our biology). So while the fact that the female makes more money/has more credentials in their field may not be a bad thing in and of itself, the needs of the male/female may be compromised. Or they may not. Obviously, it depends on the individuals involved. 1
Phoe Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I've had men get rude and demeaning towards me and insult me for being intelligent, but in reality is it a true dealbreaker? No. I mostly just felt bad for those guys that felt so upset towards me because I'm academically inclined and intelligent. How unhappy does someone have to be with oneself to lash out at another simply for being smart?
Keenly Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 No. Education and intellect are two different things. One is not the other. I require intellect and education really has little to do with intellect. 3
TB Rhine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I don't know ANYONE who has left her husband because he didn't make enough money or lost his job. Do you have some stats to back you up? She Left, He Left: How Employment and Satisfaction Affect Men?s and Women?s Decisions to Leave Marriages The results are kind of obtuse (as is nearly always the case with scholarly studies - why am I thinking about going to grad school again?), but it seems to break down this way: Women initiate 2/3 of divorces (twice as many as men), and most couples agree on who "wanted" the divorce (or rather, they agree more than they disagree - ironic, in a way). Whether or not a woman is employed has no effect on whether her husband will leave her, but being employed makes it more likely that she will leave him. Whether or not a man is employed is quite another matter. If a man is employed, both he and his wife are less likely to leave; if unemployed, both are more likely to leave. Given that women initiate twice as many divorces as men, it seems as though there are a lot more women leaving their unemployed husbands than unemployed husbands leaving their wives. Feminism!
TB Rhine Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/identity.pdf This study shows similar findings where wives make more money than husbands. Such couples are less likely to marry, less likely to be satisfied in their marriage, and ultimately, less likely to stay married. Again, considering that women initiate twice as many divorces, the conclusions are plain to see. I'm not saying this is right or this is the way it should be, mind you. Just that gender role norms and expectations are what they are, they're deeply ingrained in all of us by our culture (as well as evolutionary factors), and any which way you slice it, the numbers say that a wife is much more likely to leave her unemployed or underemployed husband than the other way around.
NGC1300 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 As someone in her 40s with LOTS of friends who have had unemployed husbands, I call BS on this. I don't know ANYONE who has left her husband because he didn't make enough money or lost his job. Do you have some stats to back you up? You'd be surprised. There are women who've murdered their husbands for financial gain.
kaylan Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Hello LoveShack, Would it be a deal-breaker for you if a woman has studied in the same (male-dominated) field, but at a higher level? I'm looking forward to reading both men and women's opinions about this. Im not insecure about my brain. My degree wasnt male dominated really, but I wouldnt mind if she got her Masters already. I plan to get mine someday, but may not depending on how my career path goes. Id be more concerned with her judgments of me than the other way around. Im ok if shes ok.
kaylan Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/identity.pdf This study shows similar findings where wives make more money than husbands. Such couples are less likely to marry, less likely to be satisfied in their marriage, and ultimately, less likely to stay married. Again, considering that women initiate twice as many divorces, the conclusions are plain to see. I'm not saying this is right or this is the way it should be, mind you. Just that gender role norms and expectations are what they are, they're deeply ingrained in all of us by our culture (as well as evolutionary factors), and any which way you slice it, the numbers say that a wife is much more likely to leave her unemployed or underemployed husband than the other way around. I read your links, and you seem to be putting blame solely on the female. When it comes to income disparity, its not only women with gender expectations. Men have their own expectations and insecurities as well.
pteromom Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 You'd be surprised. There are women who've murdered their husbands for financial gain. Yes, but it's rare. Just as it is rare that husbands kill their wives - but it happens. And after reading those studies, I still say it is rare that women leave because men lose their jobs. There are cases where women leave men who are consistently unemployed - It is not easy having to drag someone behind you who won't step up and help support the household (and this goes for men and women). But I have never met anyone who left her husband because he lost his job. I do know lots of wives who help their husbands with their resumes, support them while they look, help them network, etc.
serial muse Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/identity.pdf This study shows similar findings where wives make more money than husbands. Such couples are less likely to marry, less likely to be satisfied in their marriage, and ultimately, less likely to stay married. Again, considering that women initiate twice as many divorces, the conclusions are plain to see. I'm not saying this is right or this is the way it should be, mind you. Just that gender role norms and expectations are what they are, they're deeply ingrained in all of us by our culture (as well as evolutionary factors), and any which way you slice it, the numbers say that a wife is much more likely to leave her unemployed or underemployed husband than the other way around. I've got a study link too. This one's pretty recent. Men feel worse about themselves when female partners succeed So maybe there's more than one reason for the bolded, above. Yes? 2
boaaaar Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 (edited) Not a dealbreaker to me but odds are that it would be a dealbreaker to her, or a least a point that really isn't gonna do me any favour. I'd probably try my luck elsewhere if the situation gives me multiple opportunities to try. Edited September 7, 2013 by boaaaar
carhill Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Hello LoveShack, Would it be a deal-breaker for you if a woman has studied in the same (male-dominated) field, but at a higher level? I'm looking forward to reading both men and women's opinions about this. If a woman could sidle up to one of my CNC machines or don a welding helmet and wield a plasma torch like a pro, I'd be impressed. In ten years of marriage, my exW never set foot in my shop, except when I was fixing her car. Your hypothetical, regretfully, is likely something I will never face.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Educated women get married more often and get divorced much less so apparently it is not a dealbreaker to a lot of men.
Imported Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 That's all well and good - until you inevitably leave him 'cause he'll never be the chair of his department or what have you. We like to think such gender role-related poppycock is a thing of the past, but the fact is most women leave husbands who lose their jobs and/or make less money than they do. It's just evolution, folks. I think the truthful answer can be found in one of the threads about: Would you date someone without a college degree. Taking note of which gender says what, thinking deeper and inferring your own opinion. Asking a straight up question where people will answer what they think makes them look best...even though you are anonymous on a message board!!!(yes, I know...you like to fool yourself too)...will get you answer that takes you farther from truth.
Pompeii Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 (edited) blah blah blah blah blah Almost every post I've seen from you is garbage. Do you actually have any valid opinions? --- Back to the subject at hand, no it would not be a dealbreaker, simply because I do not equate intelligence with intellect or competence. Edit: Dasein is right. Being married today is simply like having a gun put to your head at all times. You're entering into a legal contract with a very fallible human being who will not hesitate to **** you over when things go boring. It's just not something that is valid for a lot of men. Edited September 7, 2013 by Pompeii
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