Author Dreamer100 Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 I wouldn't naturally tell but I've read people saying that. However, aye, consider it done!
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I would appreciate advice from everyone but particularly, men who have been dumped by their girlfriend and who have had their gf want them back again. How did you feel? Did you take her back? What would you have wanted her o do to get you back? How can I convince him to let me in? It feels impossible at the mo! I dumped him because I thought he had cheated but later found out he hadn't. Ive apologised countless times and explained things to him. Ive done the no contact but still no good. He would like to be with me again but would find it hard to trust me again? Help!
Ireallydontknow Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 How have you grown since? You obviously seem insecure in yourself. I was too, I'm starting therapy and working out. You need to show that person you've grown or changed.
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Hi, just a wee update. I texted him 2 days ago to tell him that there was no point in this. That with no trust there is nothing else left and that I've triedmy best but am not going to punish myself anymore. He replied late last night with ' Im sorry. I just can't make a decision' Shall I just ignore this guy now!?
Calcmag Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Hi, just a wee update. I texted him 2 days ago to tell him that there was no point in this. That with no trust there is nothing else left and that I've triedmy best but am not going to punish myself anymore. He replied late last night with ' Im sorry. I just can't make a decision' Shall I just ignore this guy now!? You need to go strict and tight NC. Like you were planning a few days ago but what happened there? He needs time and space by the sound of his latest text. Give it to him. Follow the great advice in Thora-tiki's earlier post. NC !
Trimmer Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 "Hey, I think I might have scored some tickets for Blue Man Group ... on Saturday. Do you want to go?" Hee hee... Well, I guess now we know what Chi townD's perfect date looks like... Thing is, I honeslty feel like the dumped one! Yeah, you see, you just don't get to be the wounded one here... Tell him outright what you want, what you are willing to do, and what your boundaries are, and stop playing guessing games. If he can't decide (and it's sounding like it's looking that way...) then move on. But it's not because he wounded you somehow and you are now the aggrieved party. You're the one who broke it - you might as well be honest with yourself and own that.
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I've been straight with him and outlined what I want to happen and how I feel. We were chatting quite happily for a few days but I got frustrated. I felt like he's trying to play me so I asked for a straight out answer. I didn't get that. He would not say what her he wanted to be in the relationship, no matter how direct I asked him to he. He says he's not over me at all but would struggle to trust me. I ended up giving him 3 weeks of time to decide and said if I didn't hear from him within that time, I would deem the situation infixable and move on. I went back on this 2 days later as, after some thought, it sounded pushy and simply wasn't going to get me any closure. So I texted him 2 days ago saying no, that was wrong of me. Bottom line is you don't trust me and nothing had changed since we split up. It's clear there is no trust, there is nothing else left. I also apologised for hassling him. To me, that was the end unless he turned round in a few weeks and felt he wanted to be with me (providing I hadn't moved on). Then last night at 11pm, he texted me saying, sorry I just can't decide. There were major things he kept from me in the beginning that were way bigger than what I've done. Yet I found it in myself to trust him again and felt his pain and moved on with the relationship. I'm not a ****ing criminal, and he's not perfect. I'm leaving things, no more effort from my side.
Trimmer Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I've been straight with him and outlined what I want to happen and how I feel. We were chatting quite happily for a few days but I got frustrated. I felt like he's trying to play me so I asked for a straight out answer. I didn't get that. He would not say what her he wanted to be in the relationship, no matter how direct I asked him to he. He says he's not over me at all but would struggle to trust me. I ended up giving him 3 weeks of time to decide and said if I didn't hear from him within that time, I would deem the situation infixable and move on. I went back on this 2 days later as, after some thought, it sounded pushy and simply wasn't going to get me any closure. So I texted him 2 days ago saying no, that was wrong of me. Bottom line is you don't trust me and nothing had changed since we split up. It's clear there is no trust, there is nothing else left. I also apologised for hassling him. To me, that was the end unless he turned round in a few weeks and felt he wanted to be with me (providing I hadn't moved on). Then last night at 11pm, he texted me saying, sorry I just can't decide. There were major things he kept from me in the beginning that were way bigger than what I've done. Yet I found it in myself to trust him again and felt his pain and moved on with the relationship. I'm not a ****ing criminal, and he's not perfect. I'm leaving things, no more effort from my side. I feel like my previous post was a little harsh, and I apologize for that. Obviously your relationship is a lot more complex than just "you are the dumper", and has a lot more layers to it, with contributions (both positive and negative) and issues contributed from both sides. It sounds like when he texted you to tell you that he just can't decide, well, that's kinda his decision, isn't it? The way I figure it (and it sounds like you've pretty much reached this idea as well) there are two possibilities: either he wants to be in the relationship, or else any other position means that he doesn't. "Can't decide" pretty much tells you what you need to know, doesn't it?
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I suppose your right But, I said to him that he shouldn't be afraid to be straight with me and if he doesn't want the relationship, he should say so, as I'm hurting more when he doesn't give any sort of answer. He knows fine that I would prefer him to say ' We will never get back together'. He mentioned last week when I contacted him that he had just buried his head in the sand and that was his way of shutting down when things got hard. I know he's dealing with something big atm too. Do you think his personal worries are affecting him in regards to his indecision to be with me?
Heathcliff_201 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I suppose your right But, I said to him that he shouldn't be afraid to be straight with me and if he doesn't want the relationship, he should say so, as I'm hurting more when he doesn't give any sort of answer. He knows fine that I would prefer him to say ' We will never get back together'. He mentioned last week when I contacted him that he had just buried his head in the sand and that was his way of shutting down when things got hard. I know he's dealing with something big atm too. Do you think his personal worries are affecting him in regards to his indecision to be with me? I think for a guy that got dumped he's not looking to get back together. Do yourself a favor and leave him be. Better than him leading you on.
Trimmer Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I suppose your right But, I said to him that he shouldn't be afraid to be straight with me and if he doesn't want the relationship, he should say so, as I'm hurting more when he doesn't give any sort of answer. He knows fine that I would prefer him to say ' We will never get back together'. He mentioned last week when I contacted him that he had just buried his head in the sand and that was his way of shutting down when things got hard. I know he's dealing with something big atm too. Do you think his personal worries are affecting him in regards to his indecision to be with me? Could be. I respect that you don't want to explain them in detail - I always advise people to stay on the safe side of remaining anonymous on here, so you're on your own interpreting how these issues relate to his life, and their likely importance or priority over relationship considerations. On the other hand, if he's dealing with something heavy, and was inclined to get back with you, wouldn't he likely be willing to lean on you for support? I don't know - it really depends on what he's dealing with.
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 He's having to pay alot of money to lawyers to get custody of 2 children. I know issues relating to them hurts him alot. But you may be right in that, he would surely appreciate somebody to be there for him at this time. I'm probably kidding myself with this situation. I just find it hard to deal with, the fact I was this amazing person that he felt so lucky to have and suddenly, I'm not wanted. Despite all my apologies efforts and expressions of emotion and love. I need to get over it and be happy. I deserve better than to be strung along if that is what is happening
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