steveT95 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Okay, so I have had a long and stressful few months since March when we broke up. It was fairly mutual. The relationship had drained me, I was underweight and depressed. Over the summer I bettered myself, I gained weight and muscle. I am off my antidepressants and I am back to being really confident. This week I have returned back to college. This time last year I was very happy and it was prior to and during the time of me meeting my ex. It is one year today since we first met. She is with someone else now as far as I know and I don't think I want to be back with her. On our first day back I was pleased to see that I looked better than her and was talking to more people. Seeing her caused severe anxiety which used to destroy me but I have worked hard to control it and now I can see her without too much of an issue. I even nearly felt strong enough to say hello. I am socialising more and my ultimate goal is to become really popular at college. People have commented on how I seem so much happier and that it draws people in. But being surrounded by happy couples at college during a time in which this time last year I was meeting a new girl that I ended up falling in love with, is having some adverse affects on me. I miss her. This relapse is really worrying me. I had come so far.
veggirl Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You'll settle into a routine and it will ease things for you. It's intense right now because healing isn't a linear thing, it's full of ups and downs. Eventually it settles. You are well on your way. and remember, most college couples are in Rs full of drama and they don't last! Not much to be jealous of. Honestly you should date casually and have fun until you are like mid 20s IMO. don't worry about Rs now. 1
Author steveT95 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I hope it does settle down. It's weird feeling feelings towards her after managing to put them to rest. But before it was always out of sight out of mind. I think it is made harder because of the strong association I have of college and a relationship. For the vast majority of the college year last year, I was with her.
Author steveT95 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I was doing so much better but I have since had a massive relapse and my depression is taking hold of me again. I feel weak when I once felt motivated. I saw her today with her new boyfriend and they sat opposite me (despite the many many free seats) She kept looking over at me. I felt physically sick with anxiety and couldn't eat my lunch. I was enjoying college (high school for the americans) but now I want to leave.
StrongLass Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I saw her today with her new boyfriend and they sat opposite me (despite the many many free seats) She kept looking over at me. I felt physically sick with anxiety and couldn't eat my lunch. I was enjoying college (high school for the americans) but now I want to leave. That's a power play if I ever heard one. If it happens again greet them directly and pleasantly. Keep conversation lighthearted & brush ANY jabs she might make in conversation aside. It'll probably catch them TOTALLY off guard & they'll lose interest since it'll at least LOOK like they don't have any power over you. Fall apart later IN PRIVATE if you have to. You have to fake it till you make it with these kinds of things sometimes.
Author steveT95 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 That's a good point, although its been over five months (I haven't seen her much since the break-up) Is power play still really on the cards? I like the suggestion of saying hi. I've been wanting to. Not in a breaking NC kind of way but just to let her know I don't care any more. 'Fake it until you make it' One of the lines I have been saying to myself over and over since going back to college. If I fake confidence enough, I will become it.
StrongLass Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That's a good point, although its been over five months (I haven't seen her much since the break-up) Is power play still really on the cards? Yep. Some exes just like knowing they still have some form of influence/control. It's not NECESSARILY malicious, but it is kind of a common sick ego/curiosity thing. I like the suggestion of saying hi. I've been wanting to. Not in a breaking NC kind of way but just to let her know I don't care any more. Since it'd be about reclaiming your own power that's good because of school you have to be around her to some degree anyways so you might as well 'reaffirm the peace'. It'll probably be a major step in the right direction for you. 'Fake it until you make it' One of the lines I have been saying to myself over and over since going back to college. If I fake confidence enough, I will become it. Yep. Like most things, it just takes practice & an healthy understanding of your own self worth (also comes with practice)
Author steveT95 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Thank you, StrongLass. Thank you. You have pulled me out of a deep pit of sorrow that I was stuck. Reaffirming the idea that I still do have power.
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