I didn't get a 2nd chance with my soul mate but the door is not fully closed

[sam75]

First time posting, I didn't know this forum existed until recently and I'm glad I found it.

 

I'm almost 40 dated a ton of girls in my lifetime had several serious relationships. Was even married for 3 years, divorced no kids. About 6 months ago I met this girl at a party and we hit it of right away. We were talking to each other the whole night, and we ended up going to a diner just the 2 of us after, and we talked for hours there also. We had everything in common, hobbies, sports, music, travel, food, religious views, she is 2 years younger and both agree we want to have kids soon before we get too old. Within 2 weeks we saw each other every other week night and spent weekends together. And for the next 5 months there was never a boring moment, everything just felt right with her. Things were moving fast with her, within 2 months I've meet all of her close friends and family and she also met mines. Her parents love me, everyone was rooting for us. We even went on a vacation together to a place where we both said we always wanted to go. I've dated a bunch of girls in my life time, I even married one but I never met someone so perfect and compatible where I started believing in the whole soul mate idea.

 

About her: she was with a guy for 5 years got engaged, the wedding was planned and invitation sent. Realized the guy was a liar, a cheat, and reckless with no ability to change so she ended up calling off the wedding with him. She left the guy about 1.5 years before we met. Was in two other brief relationships since, then she met me. She agreed that we are soul mates and never met a better guy than me. So all was well until 1.5 months ago. She got laid off but got a new job almost right away. There were are a lot of stress at the old job and even more with the new. I saw that her mood changed considerably during this time. She started to cancel on me more saying that she is too busy with work or too tired to do anything. I was very supportive of her during this rough period or at least I thought I was. And then all of a sudden right before we were suppose to celebrate our 6 month together she broke up with me citing that she wanted her space, and with the new job she couldn't give the commitment that she felt I deserve in our relationship. Also that I'm a bit needy always wanting her time. And that the pace we were moving all of a sudden is beginning to scare her. The whole right guy but at the wrong time reason. She said she liked the whole needy thing and actually contributed to it by also wanting to be with me all the time however, with the current situation its becoming a burden to her.

 

It was totally unexpected, I wasn't prepared, in a lot of shock so it didn't occur to me to ask to work things out. I didn't say much just that I respect her decision and we should just move on. It hit me the day after that I should have asked for a 2nd chance.

 

So what I gather from talking to some of my female friends is that she is probably scarred by her ex fiance and the wound is still too fresh. So the thought of getting into another serious relationship so soon even if it is with a better guy, the right guy scares her. She has to experience other relationships before she could commit again. And therefore I came at the wrong time in her life.

 

I was reading about the whole NC thing but I just couldn't do it with this girl because I know I found the one. At my age I could say it is so much harder finding someone compatible. So I've contacted her and we met for coffee last week (2 weeks after the break-up). I told her I am sorry for being so needy and not understanding how difficult her job is. etc. And I asked for a second chance. She said that we could hang out every once in a while as just friends but she is not looking to date or be in a relationship right now. I told her I'm ok with just hanging out .

 

So how should I play this? I'm really in love with this girl. Some say to move on but I've never met anyone like this so I want to try everything possible before I do. She left the door open slightly with the whole friendly hang out thing. How do I get her to take me back with this small opportunity she given me? If I push too hard during the hang out period will I push her away? And if I don't I'm afraid that she will meet another guy who fits her schedule better and end up with him even if he is not the right one. Oh I'm suppose to pick up my stuff any day now. How should I approach that when i go see her?