Brunettie Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Can't you get her a similar one that is in your price range? Or take a picture of it and go to different jewelery stores to see if they have a similar one. I'm sure she'll understand. The important thing isn't the ring, it's what it symbolizes.
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You said in your first post that anyone who doesn't "know" he wants to marry his partner after one year of dating is "blowing smoke." Sounds like pretty blatant judgement to me. As is equating dating with partying/playing around, and telling OP that he is 2 years overdue on his proposal. Like I said, some people think they know within a year. Others need more time to make the BIGGEST decision of our lives; that doesn't make us any less mature or family-oriented. You're reading a lot more into my statements than what you need to, it's not that complex or sinister. I didn't say the OP was overdue on his proposal. I said he was fortunate she hadn't already walked or laid down the $h!t-or-get-off-the-pot ultimatum. He could propose in ten years from now for all I care, all I was saying in that people are within their right to set the deadline around a year. And if you think it's judgemental of me to think people are blowing smoke when they say that they "don't know" after a year of steady dating, so be it, but I call BS on those that say they "don't know yet." They know, it's just the answer is either, "no" but they don't want to cut it off yet or the answer is, "I just want to keep my options open and not commit at this point in my life so don't bug me about it anymore." 1
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) I just don't agree that you waste the pretty or whatever, the "pretty" is totally irrelevant. People get married at all ages. I agree though that there is a bio clock ticking for women and also that later on in life, people know better what they want. I also think the ring and/or wedding are not that important. Edited September 5, 2013 by BluEyeL
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 And I say again, I am an adult, who is as ready to settle down as I'll ever be, and 1 year is WAY too short. You don't know who some one TRULY is after a year. Anyone with the expectation is trying to rush into marriage because they are more desperate for the wedding than the actual health of the marriage. You need to pick your mate carefully, otherwise its destined to fail. 1 year is hardly enough time. Like I said to AMusing, you are reading too much into this and getting too defensive. I am sure most people would think that getting engaged within a month of dating is too soon. I am also most people would think that someone waiting on a partner for 10 years is ridiculously long. So the vast majority of people are going to fall into a spectrum somewhere between a month and ten years. I happen to think that full grown adults dating seriously for one year is plenty of time for people to know if that person is "the one" and plenty of time to know if they want to seal the deal or not. That is just one man's opinion. What that means is if you were dating some gal a year and she came on here saying that she has been open and upfront with you that she wanted to move forward and make future plans towards marriage/family and she said that you were telling her not yet and to just keep dating, my recommendation to her would be that one year is enough for you to know or not and that she would be completely justified in giving you an ultimatum and going back out on the open market if you said no. And it would mean if you wrote in here saying that you were dating a great gal for a year and she had said that she had given you an ultimatum of moving forward or walking, I would advise you that IMHO she was justified in doing so and that you would need to do some soul-searching and determine if you were ready to suck it up and move forward with her or not. If your answer after that soul-searching was either 'no' or 'not yet' then you would need to accept the risk that she may walk. That's all it means. It's just one guys opinion on how long is reasonable for someone that wants to get married should have to wait before they decide they are barking up a wrong tree and move on. 2
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 . You need to pick your mate carefully, otherwise its destined to fail. I agree with you 100% there.
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 . 1 year is hardly enough time. ...And disagree there. It's enough time for someone that is looking for it and ready for it and is serious about it. If someone is at a point in their lives where they are wanting to settle down and have a marriage and family, they can go through the checkboxes pretty darn efficiently and when the "right one" comes along, they know it pretty quickly. Is there a risk of future failure???? Always. Is there ever any guarantees of infinite success? Never. 1
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I just don't agree that you waste the pretty or whatever, the "pretty" is totally irrelevant. People get married at all ages. I agree though that there is a bio clock ticking for women..... People do get married at all ages. But for women, the best chance of marrying the kind of man that they want is during their 'pretty' years which is basically their 20s or until they get fat, or until they get all used up and bitter or until they have kids. It gets exponentially tougher after that. 1
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) People do get married at all ages. But for women, the best chance of marrying the kind of man that they want is during their 'pretty' years which is basically their 20s or until they get fat, or until they get all used up and bitter or until they have kids. It gets exponentially tougher after that. No, I agree with you on the timeline. One year is in general sufficient to know if you see yourself settling for that person or not. And I agree for women it's harder when you get older, but it's not impossible at all. There are advantages and disatvantages at every age. When you are young, some of us don't even know well what they want, so many marriages that start early fail. When you are older, you know better, but there is less availability of good people. I wouldn't focus on the "pretty" though, it's just the very beginning of the relationship, the very very beginning, compatibility is more important for the long haul. I guess my point is, noone should live in fear that they are wasting the "pretty", I believe that if you want something and know how to get it, you can get pretty much anything you want in life. Within reasonable limits. Marriage, at any age, is not unattainable, so I don't want women to start thinking that they are expired merchandise and can't get a good husband at any age, if that's what you want. You can. Anytime. Might be hard, whatever, but you still can and have the advantage of wisdom and experience. These being said, staying with the wrong person for years, will tremeduoulsy decrease (delay) your chances for a happy union and marriage. You want to find the right person for life sooner rather than later, if at all possible. Staying in the dead end relationship is not the way to go to reach that goal. Edited September 5, 2013 by BluEyeL
bentleychic Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 People do get married at all ages. But for women, the best chance of marrying the kind of man that they want is during their 'pretty' years which is basically their 20s or until they get fat, or until they get all used up and bitter or until they have kids. It gets exponentially tougher after that. WOW. That's all I've got.
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 No, I agree with you on the timeline. One year is in general sufficient to know if you see yourself settling for that person or not. And I agree for women it's harder when you get older, but it's not impossible at all. There are advantages and disatvantages at every age. When you are young, some of us don't even know well what they want, so many marriages that start early fail. When you are older, you know better, but there is less availability of good people. I wouldn't focus on the "pretty" though, it's just the very beginning of the relationship, the very very beginning, compatibility is more important for the long haul. I guess my point is, noone should live in fear that they are wasting the "pretty", I believe that if you want something and know how to get it, you can get pretty much anything you want in life. Within reasonable limits. Marriage, at any age, is not unattainable, so I don't want women to start thinking that they are expired merchandise and can't get a good husband at any age, if that's what you want. You can. Anytime. Might be hard, whatever, but you still can and have the advantage of wisdom and experience. These being said, staying with the wrong person for years, will tremeduoulsy decrease (delay) your chances for a happy union and marriage. You want to find the right person for life sooner rather than later, if at all possible. Staying in the dead end relationship is not the way to go to reach that goal. My grandmother married a fine gentleman when they were both in their upper 70s and he stayed by her and was a great husband to her until her death a couple years later, so yes I totally agree that people can and do get married and live happily at any age. so let me put it this way, if a woman wants a guy that is tall, muscular, handsome, socially adept, has a full head of hair, a well paying profession and is of high social and professional status and does NOT have to shell out a significant % of his income on ex wives and previous children and who does not have any wrinkles or ED issues.... ....... She is going to have to get him while she is still pretty and child free herself. The window of opportunity for a woman to get a man that is tall, fit, goodlooking and of high profession and social status that does not have ex wives and previous children that he is paying on is actually quite small. With each passing year past prime, the waistlines and wrinkles and chances of ex wives and previous children of the men available to them will go up and the average height and hairlines and available income (due to alimony and child support) go down.
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 My grandmother married a fine gentleman when they were both in their upper 70s and he stayed by her and was a great husband to her until her death a couple years later, so yes I totally agree that people can and do get married and live happily at any age. so let me put it this way, if a woman wants a guy that is tall, muscular, handsome, socially adept, has a full head of hair, a well paying profession and is of high social and professional status and does NOT have to shell out a significant % of his income on ex wives and previous children and who does not have any wrinkles or ED issues.... ....... She is going to have to get him while she is still pretty and child free herself. The window of opportunity for a woman to get a man that is tall, fit, goodlooking and of high profession and social status that does not have ex wives and previous children that he is paying on is actually quite small. With each passing year past prime, the waistlines and wrinkles and chances of ex wives and previous children of the men available to them will go up and the average height and hairlines and available income (due to alimony and child support) go down. Well, all that is correct. But it's a lottery anyway and the disatvantage of the young age is that some don't really know how to choose based on the right set of criteria. Agree with you that chances are higher when younger, that is, IF the young person knows themselves. I married young, but didn't do a stellar job at choosing. Too bad I didn't have your list with me when I went shopping
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 The window of opportunity for a woman to get a man that is tall, fit, goodlooking and of high profession and social status that does not have ex wives and previous children that he is paying on is actually quite small. . You're right, but I tell you that the physical stuff is not that important.
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You're right, but I tell you that the physical stuff is not that important. Yeah you keep telling yourself that LOL
crederer Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 She sounds really demanding and controlling. What, your 3 year anniversary she is going to leave you if you don't propose directly on that day? Did you guys not talk about a ring budget before you went shopping? Do you hold her purse for her when you guys go shopping together?
todreaminblue Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) as fanine said if she loved you the ring wouldnt matter i feel,it could be a plaited band of grass it would mean as much.....in my church there is someone cant remember who who told me a story about a ring....... the ring and the proposal a couple who were truly in love had little money and wanted to get married, there was no possible way he could purchase a ring..... he gave her a ring made of leather.......thats all he had to give....makes me tear up actually ......she accepted it with love and understanding.....later on when they were settled and financially secure.....her husband bought her a beautiful ring which ring do you think she holds close to her still....that leather band she wear along side her shiny sparkly ring......i fell in love with that story...I sat there like a little girl,lost that jaded feeling i had developed as a woman who has seen many divorce and dishonor what marriage is....spoiling the beauty of a union that should be special and all about love not metal and diamonds.....right when that story was told to me and i think it might have actually been a young man talking about his parents....thats when i believed again what marriage is supposed to be about...... its not about the ring or even the wedding dress and or the size of the cake on the table...its about love.....and a true lady and loving partner....would accept what you had to offer with a huge smile on her face.......you are not offering her a ring when you propose ...you are offering her a life time of being together..sharing that lifetime and everything that comes along together.....the ring is merely a symbol it is not as important as the lifetime you will spend together.......thats my opinion soppy but true.........good luck ....deb Edited September 5, 2013 by todreaminblue 3
BluEyeL Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Yeah you keep telling yourself that LOL Well at least for me, it's not. I'm a woman and for me physical attraction comes from love, once there is a base level to start with. That's why I don't really need fit, muscular blah blah I married at 23 and my H was skinny, very skinny, not muscular and poor.
oldshirt Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 herself. The window of opportunity for a woman to get a man that is tall, fit, goodlooking and of high profession and social status that does not have ex wives and previous children that he is paying on is actually quite small. With each passing year past prime, the waistlines and wrinkles and chances of ex wives and previous children of the men available to them will go up and the average height and hairlines and available income (due to alimony and child support) go down. Things were starting to get a little hijacked and off topic a little so to get back on topic a bit, this above illustrates why women don't have the luxury of just dating for fun indefinitely and need to have some kind of cutoff point. If a woman wants to marry a decent guy and raise a family of her own, she just doesn't have the time to waste on playa's and man-boys who just want to date and party aren't looking seriously towards the future with her. In the OP's GF's case her cutoff line is 3 years. IMHO that is waaaaaay generous. 2
todreaminblue Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Things were starting to get a little hijacked and off topic a little so to get back on topic a bit, this above illustrates why women don't have the luxury of just dating for fun indefinitely and need to have some kind of cutoff point. If a woman wants to marry a decent guy and raise a family of her own, she just doesn't have the time to waste on playa's and man-boys who just want to date and party aren't looking seriously towards the future with her. In the OP's GF's case her cutoff line is 3 years. IMHO that is waaaaaay generous. I actually thought the op is worried because he cannot purchase the ring she desires in two weeks.......he is willing to marry but can only afford a cheaper ring but the ring is the issue.....thats what i gathered ....not actually the cut off period because he wants to propose.....
ChessPieceFace Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 She has a hard 3 year rule for dating before she breaks it off and moves on. I reach 3 years dating her in 2 weeks. What do I do? Stop being a chump. If she ends your relationship over arbitrary time limits or the size of a ring, you are so much better off getting away from her. Honestly, I'd run from any girl that demanded a giant diamond ring from me. It shows she wastes money on trivialities and that she values possessions rather than what really matters. 4
crude Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I've seen women like this in movies. She's the cold, high maintenance type the man is about to marry, while the nice,loving woman who has a crush on him is ignored, until the end of the movie. If she wants to have children with you and spend the rest of her life with you, then a ring from a box of candy would be enough. If she wants an expensive ring, let HER pay for it. 1
Author listsubscriber Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Well, sadly, our talk didn't go so well. She was not willing to compromise on her time table. Reading thru your replies helped a lot. For the first time in the relationship, I realized she may be a little too high maintenance for me! Her ending a pretty good relationship over something like a "written in stone" time table is a little over the top. Along with your replies I talked to some of my married friends, male and female, and they stated that it's really hard to say exactly when ... you just know when and that's when it happens. Looks like I'm going to have to prepare for the single life again which sucks mightily!!
GorillaTheater Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well, sadly, our talk didn't go so well. She was not willing to compromise on her time table. Reading thru your replies helped a lot. For the first time in the relationship, I realized she may be a little too high maintenance for me! Her ending a pretty good relationship over something like a "written in stone" time table is a little over the top. Along with your replies I talked to some of my married friends, male and female, and they stated that it's really hard to say exactly when ... you just know when and that's when it happens. Looks like I'm going to have to prepare for the single life again which sucks mightily!! Short term, yeah, it sucks. Long term? I think you dodged a large caliber round. I also think you'll agree once you get some temporal and emotional distance. 1
mikei880 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well, sadly, our talk didn't go so well. She was not willing to compromise on her time table. Reading thru your replies helped a lot. For the first time in the relationship, I realized she may be a little too high maintenance for me! Her ending a pretty good relationship over something like a "written in stone" time table is a little over the top. Along with your replies I talked to some of my married friends, male and female, and they stated that it's really hard to say exactly when ... you just know when and that's when it happens. Looks like I'm going to have to prepare for the single life again which sucks mightily!! Well done!
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