StyleOnEm Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) I know what most of you are going through, as I've been there done that. Sure, it hurts like heck feeling rejection from someone you opened your heart to, thinking they'd never do anything to hurt you. It's a natural process to take X-amount of time to heal, and I've always been fascinated by psychology and figuring out ways to speed up that process. To put it as simply as I could, it's all about SELF WORTH. It's about your confidence, how much you love yourself, and how much you TRULY, deep in your core, believe that you provide value to people, and a lot of people would be LUCKY to be with you. I read a lot about the dumpees saying how their partner was amazing and wanting them back, etc etc... Dudes/gals, where's your self worth? Why are you not giving YOURSELF value, and instead blowing up the person who felt they could find someone better? YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Keep saying that until it becomes engraved in your heart. Until you truly believe it. Now, I do recommend working on yourself to become the BEST YOU possible, and that is a constant process. No Contact rule is broken all the time. Why you say? Because you feel like you can't do any better than your ex. Why do you feel that way? Because you've invested so much emotion and time into it, that you can't imagine starting over, from scratch, with someone completely different. I get it. It was tough to move on from my ex-girlfriend as well. She broke up with me 1.5 months ago because she didn't feel the same for me anymore. She was the one who said she loved me, and said I could be the one, months before that. Okay, you can do better? Go for it. That's what I told her. I told her to enjoy dating others to see if they can make her happier. I wished her the best. I will never try to convince someone to be with me. There's the door! No contact has been utilized entirely after that. No breaking it, no remorse, no regrets. But I digress. For the rest of you, if you have been single all your life with very limited dating opportunities, I can see why you might be really hurt by the breakup. You feel you won't have another opportunity or someone that cares about you for a long time, considering your past. My advice to you is work on yourself to become more social! Make friends! Sign up for meetup.com and do some fun stuff in the neighborhood! Change your style, learn to be at ease socially. That only comes with experience. Learn to approach women. That's how I gained my confidence. I had none in high school. I met some guys online who had the same problem as me, and we forced each other to approach women in shopping malls, bars, bookstores, anywhere. Over time you develop confidence. You get good at attracting women into your life. So when your ex dumps you, your mentality is- damn, that sucks, but it won't take long for me to meet and bring other wonderful people into my life. You can't do that if all you do is stay home and cry over the past. The real reason we hurt for so long is because WE THINK TOO MUCH. That's it. Occupy your mind with cool stuff, getting outside your comfort zone every day, and soon enough you won't have time to miss your ex. You will have moved on already living your life to the fullest. I want you to close your eyes and imagine your life 6 months down the line. A year down the line. Even 5 years down the line. Imagine continuing to sob over your ex the entire time- how crappy your life will be. Now imagine taking a proactive approach to bettering your life by developing some of your weaknesses. Night and day difference, no? Always focus on yourself as priority #1. You are the most important person. If you can't love yourself completely and know in your heart you deserve the best, no one you date will think it either. Bottom line, have standards. Alright guys, and gals... that's all I can think of right now at 11pm. Be strong, and value yourselves. -StyleOnEm Edited September 5, 2013 by StyleOnEm 4
melell Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Completely. Thank god I have my self worth back. I think it really happened for me when a family member was like "look at your life, everybody loves you, and you have so much potential, you need to look at the reality of his life and who he is". I remember handing my masters thesis in, just a month after the breakup, and I just felt worthless. Missed the celebration. Putting you worth in the hands of someone else is not the way to go.
travelonic Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I read a lot about the dumpees saying how their partner was amazing and wanting them back, etc etc... Dudes/gals, where's your self worth? IMO, lacking self worth can hardly be tied into something that, to your own confession, is a natural occurrence of what can often be a horrific breakup in some circumstances. Consistency pl0x. 1
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