Sugarkane Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I read one particular thread where the dumpee went NC and did everything right, like me. Sorry can't find the thread. And then later The dumper blamed The dumpee for not chasing them after The breakup, begging and pleading. What do people make of this? As someone who has never begged, pleaded and can count NC by years, this confuses me. 1
Ireallydontknow Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 It's probably more BS so she can play her little games with the persons mind. 5
emi Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 LOL i think this is a famous line of dumpers who trying to get back together. If i were in your case, i will just beg/plead in a civil way ONE TIME, if they said no, i will walk away. If i take the relationship seriously, i wouldnt let it go without a fight. But you cant fix anything that wannna stay broken 2
JDPT Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Of course from a dumpers perspective they will like standard treatment such as: begging, crying, pleading and so on. A dumper expects this as they hold absolute power. However, when the dumpee takes a stand and puts their foot down the dumper is completely thrown of balance. Ill use an analogy of a "gorgeous" girl, she clearly gets attention everywhere she goes but when there comes the guy who gives her zero attention or does not compliment them they are left to feel like "huh?". 1
todreaminblue Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 it is easier to blame the other person for not fighting than accept responsibility themselves.......i consider breaking up to be final when the thoughts are expressed to the other person that breaking is up is necessary its over........either you work on it before breaking up........there is no working on it once you have said its over to your partner........that should be logical...if you want somebody to fight with you to save a relationship...you dont break up ....you fight together to save a relationship not just to keep a person by yoru side but to fight to keep what you have together side by side........fighting one sided doesnt work....needs to be both......no one should expect someone to fight for them.....fight together or break up....i see that comment as a stupid pointless game adn very one sided and selfish.........no one wins......deb 6
Grumpybutfun Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Once upon a time there were Bards. They sang songs about Knights fighting for their ladies. As the written word came along, these tales were written down into stories. We refer to them as Fairy Tales. The Prince on a white horse saves the girl by fighting for her. So, from the beginning of their formative years, little girls have been taught that men are there to fight for them. When they do not, they are hurt that they were not as special as those females in the Fairy Tales and it hurts their ego. Truly not their fault as this is a part of their growth process. We are the stories we hear, the songs we sing, the words we read, etc. As for why males would do it...I have no idea as I have never heard of a case where a male was hurt by the female not fighting for them. I would be interested in any information on this, though, if it is actually a thing. hmmm, Grumps 1
KCCK Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 the dumper tries to get back with the dumpee but with no feeling of remorse or guilt..i am assuming in most such cases, dumper is female and dumpee is male.. The dumper just tries to blame it on the dumpee for not chasing after her but she forgots that it was her who decided to give up on the relationship in the first place.. for such cases, the male should just ignore and move on..
Misfortune Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I read one particular thread where the dumpee went NC and did everything right, like me. Sorry can't find the thread. And then later The dumper blamed The dumpee for not chasing them after The breakup, begging and pleading. What do people make of this? As someone who has never begged, pleaded and can count NC by years, this confuses me. Masters at blame shifting. They'll make everything your fault. If you don't try, you don't care. If you do try, you're nagging and annoying. They dumped you, it should be up to them to let you know if they want to reconcile. Are we mind readers? 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I read one particular thread where the dumpee went NC and did everything right, like me. Sorry can't find the thread. And then later The dumper blamed The dumpee for not chasing them after The breakup, begging and pleading. What do people make of this? As someone who has never begged, pleaded and can count NC by years, this confuses me. NEVER put too much stock into those words. It's usually the dumper trying to make themselves feel justified for leaving in the first place. Giving them a reason for you to be the 'bad guy" so they can feel okay about it. I've had two long relationships in my past (Im 27). My first girlfriend I broke up with I was 23. We dated for three years. There was really nothing too wrong with my ex at that time (we did fight a lot), but there really wasnt a huge justifiable reason to do it other than I lost attraction and wanted to move in a different direction. When it happened, I picked every reason out I could to justify why I did it. I would always speak negatively to people about her because it made me feel better to downgrade her in my head. The last ex (reason Im on this site) did the exact same thing. Really no legitimate reason other than she didnt want to be tied down and wanted to play the field. Very selfish, but it is what it is. Because there was no reason, she made me the "bad guy" because I tried to keep her with me. She bad mouthed me to many of her friends and even made fun of a blog I wrote four years before I even knew her and even going so far as to call me an *******. For what paying for everything she had? Taking her on vacations? Let her borrow my car every week because she didnt have one? What I'm saying is some people will find anything (not chasing them) as an excuse to try and move past you mentally. It happens a lot and really unfare to the dumpee, but again, such is life. 6
todreaminblue Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Once upon a time there were Bards. They sang songs about Knights fighting for their ladies. As the written word came along, these tales were written down into stories. We refer to them as Fairy Tales. The Prince on a white horse saves the girl by fighting for her. So, from the beginning of their formative years, little girls have been taught that men are there to fight for them. When they do not, they are hurt that they were not as special as those females in the Fairy Tales and it hurts their ego. Truly not their fault as this is a part of their growth process. We are the stories we hear, the songs we sing, the words we read, etc. As for why males would do it...I have no idea as I have never heard of a case where a male was hurt by the female not fighting for them. I would be interested in any information on this, though, if it is actually a thing. hmmm, Grumps i think it is a white knight thing.....expecting a guy to fight.......ill save you mary beth....dah dah dah...i dotn know ....never ever said i thought you woudl fight fo rme....sounds lame and just wrong..... to a guy never ever would i have said "cant we save this ".....it was nah we couldnt an di couldnt by myself again so..... we broke up have not sighted him since...i am his friend now though....deb
Notry412 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 This one really hits home for me, I was dating this girl for several months, and meanwhile I find out her x has been begging and pleading her to come back for some time. I tell her she needs to let him go because unless she plans on keeping him there is no reason for it. So she agrees and tells me she is done talking to him. So we have a big fight, and I find out she is talking to him again. Fast forward a few weeks she breaks up with me, and I find out she went back to him. She tells me he fought for her the whole time so she can tell he really loves her, and I would never fight that hard for her. So he wins because he was willing to deal with more crap from her. I kinda felt bad for the guy after that. 1
Author Sugarkane Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 LOL i think this is a famous line of dumpers who trying to get back together. If i were in your case, i will just beg/plead in a civil way ONE TIME, if they said no, i will walk away. If i take the relationship seriously, i wouldnt let it go without a fight. But you cant fix anything that wannna stay broken Personally I haven't tried begging or pleading, but wonder because Ibe done everything right yet it made zero difference. I've either been too shocked or angry to do that.
Woggle Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I didn't fight for her because she wasn't worth it. If they were worth it they wouldn't make you play these stupid games in the first place.
Jiminy Cricket Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 my ex said something like this. during the days following the break up she was upset i didn't give her attention when she had an art show that she put a lot of time into. said "that was the time you were suppose to try to win me back.." i was in the process of n/c at the time too.
Notry412 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I think if she is worth it she would want you back too, I can't see someone who loves you saying "if you can jump through this hoop then you are truly mine." Then what that's the last test they put you through? Or do you keep having to be tested? 1
Salvatore85 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 This is incredibly immature and smacks of someone that you should be happy is out of your life... 2
LostOne1 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I read one particular thread where the dumpee went NC and did everything right, like me. Sorry can't find the thread. And then later The dumper blamed The dumpee for not chasing them after The breakup, begging and pleading. What do people make of this? As someone who has never begged, pleaded and can count NC by years, this confuses me. you know I think my ex might have said this too me too. I think it's just an excuse for them to feel better about their decision. I mean if they can blame the relationship failure on the dumper it eases the guilt. At least that's what I think happened.
Jiminy Cricket Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Holy moly, you are better off without her. What a succubus... yep, she's a psycho.
KCCK Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 these type of ex partners.. they dump you and expect you to go beg and plead for them.. that is not true love.. if it is true love, they would have told you what is wrong and try solving the issues together.. 2
hurts2death Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 funny topic why on earth after a long distance and super long term (for my x) tell you to break up and dump you and then say that we didnt beg to win them? that is clearly not love it a selfish **** they bleached us into death and then say why? lol run away all the way...... when my x said need time bs i gave her and kept sending texts to make her feel what i want what i feel in a polite way and in a period time of 10 days after all is said is said nth more to beg.... she got politely the last msg she knows what i said despite that she dumps me still so let her deal with her imature treating people that love you as objects attitude,,,, she will find it for sure....
Legatus Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 If you fought before the break up and that wasn't enough I would say to stick it (such comments and pointless observations) up where sun doesn't shine
L1ght Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 The thought of someone admitting that they want an ex to beg for them after they dumped them is disgusting. What kind of sick behaviour is that? No they don't care about the person they dumped at all. Its all about power and self esteem. Even if they did take you back what kind of a relationship would that be? Chances are they would treat you like crap and walk all over you until they find someone else. Wanting answers after a breakup is natural but never beg. Once you beg you just look weak and they lose respect for you. No matter how bad you feel after getting dumbed keep your pride and self respect. Hard to do but possible. 1
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