forgetmenot75 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Yes, three months already since we last seen each other. Since the night I rushed to his home, although he tried to cancel our date. Three months since he forgot our next date that week. Three months since he showed me he wouldn't care less about me. I've been doing horrible. Depressed, lonely, I can't even date anymore, so scared to being hurt I am. I am no longer who I was, and I miss that Today I saw him on POF. He was online. And then, I saw him in another dating site we used to visit. I felt this butterflies sensation. And then I felt nothing. I thought: "he is looking for me, he must been looking for me, he must miss me" I haven't contacted him. What for? But I feel broken, because I realized I still care for him, and I still miss him, and I still want to be in his arms again. My fear is, I'd never be able to forget him, and I'll be like this people who still cries theirs lost love 10 years later. I feel hopeless. I feel lonely. I feel sad. And I can do nothing. He haven't contacted me. Not today. Not the last 3 months.
Sparkle304 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You're definitely not alone! Many of us know exactly the pain and emptiness that you're describing. I have not been contacted either and I also know that he is doing online dating. I'm not really sure what gets me through each day....maybe it's the hope that he will realize what he's lost........... Yes, it HURTS
JDPT Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Never say never, what have you been proactively doing to heal? What you are feeling is pretty common, don't be hard on yourself and focus on how "terrible" thing may be right this moment. if you aren't already seeing a therapist I may suggest to perhaps schedule a session with a qualified professional. Know that you are in for the long run so pace yourself and be gentle. 1
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't have to be in this state of grief, after three months absolute no contact, and consciously knowing he used me for sex and never, ever cared for me in the 6 months we seen each other. Like the relationship was always on my mind, and doesn't even worth the tittle "relationship". But I really cared for him. And I'm not able to care for anyone else right now. I just can't. And I try. But I can't meet anyone yet, I'm so scared. He knew me. I knew him. I felt cozy with him. I can't feel cozy with anyone else, my hearth is so cold right now.
JDPT Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Uncertainty reigns I completely understand your whole life schedule has been tampered with and now you are all over the place with no direction to steer to. There is no set time for this, it will take you as long as it has to keeping in mind that you proactively need to do the grunt work in order to crawl out the hole you are currently in. Don't focus on "I should be right now" or "I should have by now" but rather steer all your energy towards recovery and the many things you can implement to advance it. Furthermore, meeting anyone else at this moment is out of the question. Make this time work for you and focus on you as you are all that matters at this point. I understand you are lonely but it's imperative that you invest this time on you and no one else. Once again don't attempt to speed this up, there is no fast way to do it, embrace your feelings and get to know yourself deeper. 1
Ireallydontknow Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 What have you done the last 3 months? That could be why you aren't healing. Use your pain to fuel a goal. Something that will make you better In the long run. More marketable to a person who deserves and loves you.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I've focused on myself all this time, but I honestly can't see how I can come out of this situation of feeling hopeless. I really need another connection, but I'm unable to find the right person. The ones who are into me scares me a d the one I can see a possibility is not interested. I know there's something wrong in this behavior. It's like I am unavailable for love, hence I look for the ones who are unavailable too. I'm doing therapy, but it's nothing I can fix right now. I mean, I've tried, but the wounds are very deep. Anyway, today is another day, three months and one day since last contact. I wish he love me, I'm finding almost impossible to overcome rejection, and this circle of pain and sadness is endless.
JDPT Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I've focused on myself all this time, but I honestly can't see how I can come out of this situation of feeling hopeless. I really need another connection, but I'm unable to find the right person. The ones who are into me scares me a d the one I can see a possibility is not interested. I know there's something wrong in this behavior. It's like I am unavailable for love, hence I look for the ones who are unavailable too. I'm doing therapy, but it's nothing I can fix right now. I mean, I've tried, but the wounds are very deep. Anyway, today is another day, three months and one day since last contact. I wish he love me, I'm finding almost impossible to overcome rejection, and this circle of pain and sadness is endless. The only person you need right this moment is yourself. Break away from the vicious cycle of codependency. And you are absolutely right, you are unavailable at this point for anyone hence you should take this time to only focus on yourself as you are all that matters. Refrain from dating or seeing "love" this will only bring a upon a sense of rejection and sadness which is what you have been perhaps experiencing already. Once you learn to stand firm on your two fee and understand the fundamental concept of being on your own and not "needing' anyone to make you happy you will see life and relationships in a different light and grow into a new and improved individual. Once again, don't be hard on yourself, continue to go to therapy and be diligent in being completely honest with your therapist, disclose everything you are feeling to him/her as they will be able to provide you with the professional assistance to make it through this difficult time which believe me you will get through it. 1
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I've focused on myself all this time, but I honestly can't see how I can come out of this situation of feeling hopeless. I really need another connection, but I'm unable to find the right person. The ones who are into me scares me a d the one I can see a possibility is not interested. I know there's something wrong in this behavior. It's like I am unavailable for love, hence I look for the ones who are unavailable too. I'm doing therapy, but it's nothing I can fix right now. I mean, I've tried, but the wounds are very deep. Anyway, today is another day, three months and one day since last contact. I wish he love me, I'm finding almost impossible to overcome rejection, and this circle of pain and sadness is endless. Okay, how? It's one thing to be in NC. But, you need to make positive changes to yourself in conjunction with NC. Have you been going to the gym everyday? Eating right and sleeping well? Have you gotten a new hairstyle? Bought new clothes that are sexy yet conservative? Have people you know say to you "Damn Girl! You're lookin hot!!!"? Have you gotten a new hobby? Joined a running club, or a cycling club? Cooking class or art class? Community theater? Have you grabbed a girlfriend or two and went on an extended weekend getaway to a place you've always wanted to check out? Look, your writing like the next guy that takes you out on a date should be the next love of your life. Like, your kinda in competition with your Ex to find the next new boyfriend or girlfriend. Let it be! You DON"T HAVE TO DATE ANYONE RIGHT NOW!! Nothing wrong with being alone and getting to discover the new you with the positive changes that you make. And if a guy asks you out, then go! But, be honest with him from the start stating that you've just got out of a relationship and you're not looking to jump right back into one. But, you would love an opportunity to spend the night out on the town with a handsome guy. I think he'll appreciate your honesty. Then treat it like it's supposed to be treated. A date and nothing more! Just a night out with no expectations.
JPMC Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 What you need to understand is getting back together is hopeless. You need to accept that. Second, go on a different website. meetup or something else. If you saw him on POF, don't go to POF. That way you won't be breaking NC. Have you looked him up on line? That's breaking NC as well. As hard as it seems, workout and look your best. You'll feel better about yourself. Put him out of your mind. You'll need to train your subconscious mind. When you day dream, yell stop! You're not ready to date yet. So take care of yourself.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 I saw him online by chance in both dating sites. To be honest, I saw him first on POF. Then I checked the other dating site and he was on line as well. I HAVE NOT checked his profile. Neither did he. However, I am with another nick name as the accounts are new, but he probably has figured out by now it was me as I always use French nicknames. Funny thing is seeing him online gave me done peace. It's like he is not dead, he is still the same horny guy looking for quick sex. AND something must had happened to the relationship with the older lady he was in love with as hes looking again. I don't know, seeing him by chance also triggered some emotions, the desire to be contacted again by him, the hope he'll do it sometime... At the same time it's clear, as always, that he doesn't give a sh** about me. Apart from all this, I find myself sad, still don't know what to do with my life. I've tried Zumba, parties with friends, remodeling my kitchen, new clothes, etc, but nothing fulfills me. I miss him still. How and when I'd realize he was no good for me? Because right now I see him as the perfect guy who is not. Am I being delusional?
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