cici713 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Someone told me that when you let someone get away with something, you're telling them that it's ok. And they'll keep doing it. I've been guilty of this way too much in the past. I've let people use me and walk all over me. I don't want to be that person anymore. This current guy I've been dating seems to be stringing me along. He disappeared for a few days, came back and disappeared again. He talks about how he isn't a crappy guy but a respectful, genuine person doesn't do that. People said let him come to you. Let him chase you. Why even bother? He is just going to continue to play this game and just keep making me feel like crap He asked me once if he was being a jerk. At this point, I want to tell him but is it worth it? I want him to know that his behavior really hurt me. We talked about some trust issues I had. And he said he wanted to help me with my trust issues. How is this helping?
gaius Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Be honest with him about him being a douche. Tell him it makes you not want to interact with him anymore. And the next time he pulls it, don't answer him for whatever amount of time he ignored you. Even if you think there is nothing worth salvaging here it will give you practice for healthy enforcement of boundaries.
KatZee Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 It depends how long you've been dating him. If it's still early (around a month or so) your actions will speak much louder than anything you say, (which will only be perceived as nagging anyway). If he goes days without contacting you, mirror him. Don't reach out to him at all, and when he does come around... let him sit on that for days. Don't respond. Get back to him when YOU feel like it. If that message happens to be after you've had a great night's sleep, eaten a few meals, taken a shower, gone out with your friends, done something new at work, then so be it. If it ain't no thang for him to leave you hanging for days, it shouldn't be for you either. His mindset is obviously "casual" right now. That's why he vanishes for days. He's letting you know you're not a priority. Will that change in the future? Maybe. Maybe you're just not such an important aspect in his life right now. He had a life before you, and he's not going to suddenly change everything up. Again, this all depends on how long you've been dating. It depends on whether or not you're having sex with him. It depends on whether or not you've had any sort of discussion about being in a committed relationship. If it's been nothing but casual up until this point, and there hasn't been any talks, it's most likely just casual from his end. Do you know what he's looking for in terms of relationships? If he asks you to hang out, don't jump on his offer. Tell him you'll check your schedule and get back to him. Then... don't message him at all. It sucks that you have to play games with guys like this but he needs to see you're not going to put up with that behavior. And if he continues, you're going to be backing off as well. I hope you're still dating other people too. You never want to put all your eggs in one basket, especially if he's acting so non-chalant about the whole thing. 2
Author cici713 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I'm not entirely sure what he wants. I was fine with casual. I was fine with taking things slow until he mentioned getting more serious. That's when he disappeared the first time. Left me super confused.
Midnight_Princess Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Next time just dont chase him and see what happens.
Versacehottie Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I'm not entirely sure what he wants. I was fine with casual. I was fine with taking things slow until he mentioned getting more serious. That's when he disappeared the first time. Left me super confused. I believe when they disappear like that it's a sign that HE ISN'T ENTIRELY SURE WHAT HE WANTS. They go for a while or have a burst of getting closer then get nervous so pull back. They are truly scared of their conflicted goals (liking you and wanting to move forward while at same time told himself, arbitraitly or otherwise, that he doesn't want a serious relationship. I have seen it happen a lot. He is not unusual in this. Make sure he understands through your actions that you move forward with or without him. I wouldn't recommend serious talks with guys who scare easily...but if asked, ie am i a jerk, yes you need to let him know that he is not cool sometimes and that it makes you question him. Say all of this nonchalant and above it all, again conveying that you move forward with or without him. You like a guy who has his act together. I recommend being very cool, fun and CONFIDENT--bring your best self always! Let him see what he will be missing if he messes up. Good luck
heartshaped Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I tend to believe that disappearing = other person involved. Probably a multi-dater, became more interested in someone else, pulled back, only to get bored with the other person/they lost interest in them, and then look there you are! Don't prioritize people who don't prioritize you. Questions like, "Am I being a jerk?" or rhetorical. Treat them as such.
93TheHitStick Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Dump him. Tell him why. And tell him that you can't talk to a guy who acts like. Its that simple. If you don't like the way someone is behaving don't try to change them just dump them. If they really want you they can come to the decision to change there behavior in there own time. If they don't wanna change then good you just saved yourself some heartache. You show people how you want to be treated.
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