beelibra Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Please take a moment... :/ Were in a long distance relationship, him Arizona and me California. We've been dating for 5 months, official for one. We have a very close, intimate relationship and are positive were in one another's lives for a reason. These aren't the best times for either one of us, but when Im down and he cheers me up and I feel so much better. He's different though. Hes the kind of "I gotta get through it on my own" not an emotionally open kind of guy. So at times like right now when hes texting me short, not calling, not being as into conversations as I am it make me feel empty, and hopeless because theres not much I can say to cheer him up. I want to ask if hes stressed out so that I can be there for him, but I dont want to be the "overly-attached" girlfriend thats always asking questions and stating concerns. He should know hes not giving enough and come around...right? We see each other every 2-3 weeks and he'll be coming down to stay with me this weekend and take his son back home for a while. I also have a child, and thats been working out quite well for us. Even though his ex is drama, still wants him back and despises me...and my ex wants the best for me. Aside the point...I just dont know what to do. How do I comfort him when he pushes away? Is this because we've passed that "four month honeymoon period"? I really dont want to annoy him, but if he keeps pushing me away and I end up being more sad then I am happy, I'll put my walls up and will stop caring so much...any advice or anything else you'd like to know? Really would appreciate any advice, I dont have much of anyone in my life who cares to talk. Not trying to give a sob story either. Thanks a ton guys. xoxox
Dolphono Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 The distance will be a challenge, time for you to be less needy or start letting go. Try getting into yourself more, working on becoming emotionally more sound. Enjoy him when you can and relax, when you can not see him. Don't read into the short texts. 1
KatZee Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 This is virtually all guys. You'll be hard pressed to find a guy who's going through crap who says, "OK honey. Lets sit down so I can talk about it with you." Men don't do that. Women do. Women talk with their friends, family, spouses. Women look for the support system. Men are different. They go into their "man caves." They like to focus on the problem and come up with a solution on their own. Just give him his space. Tell him, I understand if you're not feeling the best right now, just know I'm here for you if you need anything. Then leave him alone. Don't try to dig anything out of him, force him to talk. That's not bonding for men, that's annoyance, especially if he's going through a bunch of stuff. Just be supportive, say OK, and then give him his room to breathe. I assure you he's not struggling because you're not talking to him, he actually appreciates when you give him that room. 6
sweetheart5381 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 This is virtually all guys. You'll be hard pressed to find a guy who's going through crap who says, "OK honey. Lets sit down so I can talk about it with you." Men don't do that. Women do. Women talk with their friends, family, spouses. Women look for the support system. Men are different. They go into their "man caves." They like to focus on the problem and come up with a solution on their own. Just give him his space. Tell him, I understand if you're not feeling the best right now, just know I'm here for you if you need anything. Then leave him alone. Don't try to dig anything out of him, force him to talk. That's not bonding for men, that's annoyance, especially if he's going through a bunch of stuff. Just be supportive, say OK, and then give him his room to breathe. I assure you he's not struggling because you're not talking to him, he actually appreciates when you give him that room. I agree, most men like to solve problems... they don't like to talk about them, just solve them. In fact, they get annoyed if you just want to "talk", without providing a viable solution. My man will always be the one to offer a solution and will offer a shoulder and a hug when I am having trouble. He is there for me in every way. If the tables are turned however and he is having trouble, he rarely lets me know. He just lets me know that he fixed the problem and puts on the happy face. Men are different.. some very special men will understand our differences and walk through them. Others get annoyed because they dont understand the differences.
93TheHitStick Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Lol long distance? Just break up. That doesn't work. Hes probably not texting you because hes with other girls. I was in a long distance relationship when my ex first went to college. I ignored her texts all the time and didn't talk to her a lot because quite frankly i was talking to other girls and i found it too hard to deal with her bs while trying to talk to other girls. Dump him. If its meant to be you guys will be together in the end. And its dumb to depend on someone for happiness. Like really dumb.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Lol long distance? Just break up. That doesn't work. Hes probably not texting you because hes with other girls. I was in a long distance relationship when my ex first went to college. I ignored her texts all the time and didn't talk to her a lot because quite frankly i was talking to other girls and i found it too hard to deal with her bs while trying to talk to other girls. Dump him. If its meant to be you guys will be together in the end. And its dumb to depend on someone for happiness. Like really dumb. That's pretty damn insensitive. You sound like a real catch btw, the kind of guy that women flock to.... when they are out of options and have no self-respect. D-bags are everywhere... no worries OP, they are not all like this one. Bet its just him and his hand tonight
93TheHitStick Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 That's pretty damn insensitive. You sound like a real catch btw, the kind of guy that women flock to.... when they are out of options and have no self-respect. D-bags are everywhere... no worries OP, they are not all like this one. Bet its just him and his hand tonight You sound too sensitive. I was 17 at the time. We all make mistakes its how we grow.
sweetheart5381 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 You sound too sensitive. I was 17 at the time. We all make mistakes its how we grow. So what, are you 18 now, lol. Perhaps 21, bahahaha. D-bags are d-bags, age matters little. D-bags don't change. Women eventually figure your stuff out. Sounds like you have baggage that needs to be checked at the door kiddo.
93TheHitStick Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 So what, are you 18 now, lol. Perhaps 21, bahahaha. D-bags are d-bags, age matters little. D-bags don't change. Women eventually figure your stuff out. Sounds like you have baggage that needs to be checked at the door kiddo. Bitter much? Women can go ahead and "figure my stuff out" you don't know me to call me a d-bag. And there is nothing for women to "figure out" cuz i am completely upfront about what i want. And age matters little? Your opinion. But me personally? I grow as a person every year. And i find that age has a lot to do with a persons morals and outlook on life. Don't try to attack me because someone cheated on you and you are oh so bitter. You don't know me so i figure your bitterness is what is causing you to insult me indirectly.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 This already sounds like a disaster in the making... He's got baby-mama-drama (I mean don't they all?) and of course it's just her, and she's the one that wants him back and he's totally just trying to fight her off...I'm sure he's got his shet under his shoe, so make sure you don't buy into everything this guy says. Secondly the guy is long-distance and only comes down to visit 2-3 weeks...so what are you expecting to happen "long-term" because chances are if you function like most women you're expecting something to change at some point rather than just be appeased by the current situation indefinitely...which may be his agenda, I don't know how serious or close he sounds with you but the overall situation sounds like you're the fall-back-girl, someone he confides in with all his life troubles then goes on vacation with kind of sort of...then goes back to "real life" and deals with the "baby-mama-drama" which who knows what is going on there in reality rather than just the story he feeds you. At any rate, I don't feel like this guy is dependent on you for the reasons you think he is, you sound like you're a crutch for him...that's why he's stuck to you like glue when he's around. He doesn't seem to reciprocate or give you attention out of the box of when he needs you. But you're going to play it cool and try and let him come to you...which is the best option in theory, except for the fact that if he really isn't motivated to talk to you or be with outside when he wants you around, you might have a lot of trouble getting his attention. The pay-off for not trying to be a noose around his neck might be the realization that you're not all that important outside the intense honey-moon phase where he's all up in your shiz. And being that you might not really have nothing going on outside of this guy....well, like I said....isn't looking good for the long-term, I wouldn't get too invested in this If I were you.
Dolphono Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 its dumb to depend on someone for happiness. Like really dumb. Spoken like a "to the point" type individual, most hard-asses are consider douches by the weaker types. I salute you Sir.
IAmRobot Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Distance will be a challenge indeed. However my personal question is that if you know he loves you and he comforts you, then whenever you feel him pulling back, instead of asking what the problem is just remind him of your love for him, or do something cute for him, to reassure him. Remember, it's really easy to put yourself in his shoes. Just think about why you usually pull back and what youd want him to do in those cases. Do the same
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