joe86 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 So I'm at a point where I am happy and almost over her, but as an inquisitive person I want to know her thoughts. Her housemate still tweets me & her family and friends always got on with me, so if in a month or so, if I still haven't heard from her I'll have moved on. But this thought about her will still be there, I unless I get answers. Her sister was one of those girls that gets on with the guys, so I was thinking maybe in future I could send her a message just saying something like "what would you say if I was thinking about getting in touch with your sister? She said she didn't want me to become a stranger, but it's close to that." Has anyone ever done anything like this? I know she'd tell people & no doubt my ex, so it may brew better to go direct if I even made contact at all. And I also know 99% of you guys say NC always, so I just want some good input on this because my "hope you're ok" text last week helped me let go so NC 100% might not be for me.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 So I'm at a point where I am happy and almost over her, but as an inquisitive person I want to know her thoughts. Her housemate still tweets me & her family and friends always got on with me, so if in a month or so, if I still haven't heard from her I'll have moved on. But this thought about her will still be there, I unless I get answers. Her sister was one of those girls that gets on with the guys, so I was thinking maybe in future I could send her a message just saying something like "what would you say if I was thinking about getting in touch with your sister? She said she didn't want me to become a stranger, but it's close to that." Has anyone ever done anything like this? I know she'd tell people & no doubt my ex, so it may brew better to go direct if I even made contact at all. And I also know 99% of you guys say NC always, so I just want some good input on this because my "hope you're ok" text last week helped me let go so NC 100% might not be for me. Dependent on many factors. How long you were together, how close you were with said friends and family, dependent on how it ended. I'd think it was sneaky personally, then again that's just me and I don't think you personally are trying to be sneaky xx
Misfortune Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Depends on what type of person your ex is. Some people don't like when you aren't direct and others don't mind the via someone else route. Your ex will find out anyway so I would just be direct about it.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 No, don't use family and friends as "recon". The ex that brought me here was the sister-in-law of my best friend. I knew her sister for several years before I met her. But I have not once discussed her with her sister. The sister is my ex's confidant and the sister's husband (my best friend) was mine. I didn't discuss anything with the sister and while I would talk to my buddy about it way too much to the point where I felt bad for the guy, I never once asked him to put in a good word or even asked what she was up to. I have no idea how she handled it, but I don't think she came to my buddy for advice or for venting, though I guarantee she talked about me more to him than I did to her sister. I didn't want to involve them in an awkward situation any more than they already were and I didn't want to look like I was doing research. I'm glad I played it that way. While my friend and I were always going to be cool (my ex knew that our friendship was stronger than her in-law relationship with him and wasn't going to try to mess with that), I'm now back to where I was with her sister now after a bit of awkwardness and I know that the sister respects how I handled everything. Heck, I even had lunch with my buddy, my ex's sister and my ex's parents (who I had met before dating my ex) while at a wedding a few weeks back. I don't think that would have been possible had I tried to use them for information. Cliffs: I'd avoid doing this.
mammasita Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I don't think you should do it as a way to get info about or to her. If you want to contact them as a way to genuinely reach out to them then go for it. 2
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