Dumped85 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I had been feeling ok this week, so last night decided to call ex of another phone. She hung up as soon as she heard me. Such a downer now. I frantically text her to say how I am over her and just wanted to let her know if she wants to be on talking terms. But no response. If she's dating again I don't care. I just wanted one last friendly reach out. But im confused now; my minds all over the place and feeling down. I just wanto meet other girls and go out. My behavior during the break up has been pathetic and im not proud of myself at all, im normally a switched on person.My effort last night was pathetic and going as far as harassment I realise. My point of this is strictly stick to no contact even if you feel ok, because harassment is not ok.
Misfortune Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Can't change the past. Use this as a learning experience on what not to do. Leave her be and move on with your life. You can/will survive without her in your life. 3
melell Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Don't worry about it at all. You are moving on, so really it is doesn't matter. The way you appeared to her means very little. And also, more than likely she will act that same at some point in her life too. You were hurt, it is forgivable. Trust me, as time goes by you'll end up not caring at all about this. 1
Author Dumped85 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Kills me that it's been 3 months since,
melell Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I think that it works out some how, but it takes a different amount of time. I did something very elaborate and rather horrible during my break up. I told a BIG lie, so that my ex (together 8 years) would hate me. It was almost a way of saving my dignity. It made me the bad one- I'd much rather him hate me than me have to hate him. Thing is, it was when everything was so raw, my emotions overwhelmed me, and I acted in a very strange way, it was an alternative to begging, and it was a way to make it over for good. I regret it, it was stupid, but I was hurt. It was a tough time. Trust me we have all been there and stewed on these things in one way or another, it will get better!
TrblinMN Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Lesson learned. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just make sure you think about what you are doing before you decide to reach out again so you can decide you if you really want to go through that pain again.
livdee Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Been there. Heck, I am still there. Don't beat yourself up. NC is hard! I think about texting him all the time. Hopefully that urge will keep getting less and less. Just remember this feeling the next time you think about making contact. Better yet, post on here. We'll all encourage you!
im_thedude Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I had been feeling ok this week, so last night decided to call ex of another phone. She hung up as soon as she heard me. Such a downer now. I frantically text her to say how I am over her and just wanted to let her know if she wants to be on talking terms. But no response. If she's dating again I don't care. I just wanted one last friendly reach out. But im confused now; my minds all over the place and feeling down. I just wanto meet other girls and go out. My behavior during the break up has been pathetic and im not proud of myself at all, im normally a switched on person.My effort last night was pathetic and going as far as harassment I realise. My point of this is strictly stick to no contact even if you feel ok, because harassment is not ok. Dude, everything will be okay. You're not the first one to act pathetic after a breakup (raises hand pretty high), and you won't be the last. A billion people could give you the best advice in the world, and you could still go against their advice - it's silly but true. I literally composed a "secret operation" with my best friend, where he would run into my ex at her work, not knowing she worked there, so he could report back intel to me. Then I realized how patently ridiculous and counterproductive it was, so I said screw it.
Ireallydontknow Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I think that it works out some how, but it takes a different amount of time. I did something very elaborate and rather horrible during my break up. I told a BIG lie, so that my ex (together 8 years) would hate me. It was almost a way of saving my dignity. It made me the bad one- I'd much rather him hate me than me have to hate him. Thing is, it was when everything was so raw, my emotions overwhelmed me, and I acted in a very strange way, it was an alternative to begging, and it was a way to make it over for good. I regret it, it was stupid, but I was hurt. It was a tough time. Trust me we have all been there and stewed on these things in one way or another, it will get better! I'm curious what kind of lie you told and why?
Jiminy Cricket Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 i too broke n/c to reach out to my ex. we were ok before that, now i'm cut off for good. she told me she never wants to see me again, or hear from me. just listen to everybody on here and do n/c. 2
JDPT Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Like the song goes, "certain things are better left unsaid" as previously stated, learn from your actions, sort things out and allow room for growth. Don't dwell on your behavior but rather focus on the present and internalize that you will come out of this a new and improved you. 1
Dolphono Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Kills me that it's been 3 months since, Try loving her from afar. Meaning in your head. Get very comfy with the pain, let the pain become your blankie. When you feel weak, live within your memories, hell, talk to her picture if need be. Soon, time will pass, you'll feel like a dumbass, and be ready to move on. 3 months down. 3 more to go. Keep your head up STUD. You'll be smashing/banging something new in no time.
Ireallydontknow Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Try loving her from afar. Meaning in your head. Get very comfy with the pain, let the pain become your blankie. When you feel weak, live within your memories, hell, talk to her picture if need be. Soon, time will pass, you'll feel like a dumbass, and be ready to move on. 3 months down. 3 more to go. Keep your head up STUD. You'll be smashing/banging something new in no time. Is it healthy to talk to a picture of your ex? You should also delete, throw away that picture ,NC! 2
Dolphono Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Is it healthy to talk to a picture of your ex? You should also delete, throw away that picture ,NC! For some unhealthy people it's the most healthy thing one can do. Stay in contact with the picture, instead of her. There's a thread here on LS to post your would be text/email instead of breaking "NC". During times of weakness, hash out a love letter and post it there. Get all those emotions out and move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Try loving her from afar. Meaning in your head. Get very comfy with the pain, let the pain become your blankie. When you feel weak, live within your memories, hell, talk to her picture if need be. Soon, time will pass, you'll feel like a dumbass, and be ready to move on. 3 months down. 3 more to go. Keep your head up STUD. You'll be smashing/banging something new in no time. Uhh what?? 2
Sugarkane Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Don't worry about it at all. You are moving on, so really it is doesn't matter. The way you appeared to her means very little. And also, more than likely she will act that same at some point in her life too. You were hurt, it is forgivable. Trust me, as time goes by you'll end up not caring at all about this. Good point. I find it ironic how the dumper acts if you contact them. But if they were The dumpee they would probably do The same! OP if it helps I did everything right and never begged or pleaded. Didn't change a thing though. I've thought many, many times what was the point. 1
melell Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I'm curious what kind of lie you told and why? This is really bad. But I said things needed to end, I let him convince me that we should keep trying and he would work on himself. This is after almost 9 years together. 3 months later he leaves. I was so angry, I'd forgiven so many deal breakers (cheating, lying etc), and I forgave him again. I felt desperate to get my dignity back, and to be quite honest I wanted him to hate me so it would be over for good. Some how in my mind if I was the bad one then it was like situations reversed? I told him I had been heavily medicated for over half the time we were together, even looked up the meds made it sound very legitimate. I was all 'I am so sorry for hurting you' 'so sorry for lying to you all this time' 'your better without me' etc It was a complete lie, I have never been medicated. It was a horrible thing to do. And it broke him, hurt him more than anything I could have done. It is very twisted, I wish I hadn't done it, but it worked. It helped things end with a clean break, it made it so I was the bad guy. Chaotic, and I feel very very guilty about it- the moral is the crazy things we do when it is all raw, is because we are raw, not because we are bad/crazy.
MyFault69 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Melell did you ever tell him the truth and what happened when you did? I did the pathetic begging getting emotional thing and my friend said now they think your crazy but eveuntally theyll realize that you did that cause you were hurt. Does that ever make them want to reach out again?
Author Dumped85 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I sent in the texts that im over her, but she's been in my mind all day. Its so tough, but I guess like all of us here we just get over being over it.
Author Dumped85 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I sent in the texts that im over her, but she's been in my mind all day. Its so tough, but I guess like all of us here we just get over trying to get over it. And want the pain gone already.
melell Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Melell did you ever tell him the truth and what happened when you did? I did the pathetic begging getting emotional thing and my friend said now they think your crazy but eveuntally theyll realize that you did that cause you were hurt. Does that ever make them want to reach out again? Never told him the truth. I just walked away and that was it. I honestly think it changes the way they view you when you beg, after a while they realize you aren't crazy for sure, but it still makes them feel superior in my opinion.
melell Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 And yeah, I think it is really important not to be too hard on ourselves with this stuff. Right now the only thing that matters is you, so do what is best for you, the way they see you is not important. x
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