Trying to re connect with a girl I once dated, but I worry that we've become friends

[SamsonXB]

Hi all,

 

I've read through plenty of threads here before creating an account and you all seem really helpful. I'll do my best to keep this brief rather than a wall of text but I'll probably fail!!

 

I met a girl roughly a year ago. We hit it off fast, and for the next 6 weeks or so we spoke all day by text message, and met up once a week for drinks, dinner, cinema etc. From the second "date" onwards we kissed after each one (but never sex due to circumstances). During this time it was clear that she really liked me because of constant flirting, physical contact, regular requests to hang out etc. For the last date I invited her over to my place for food. We had, what I thought was a great evening, and laughed and flirted until we lost track of time and it was past midnight. I suggested that she could stay over but she had to be up at 5AM for work. Instead we ended with a very passionate kiss, followed by a "I had a lovely evening xxx" message when she got home. For the next few days communication became less frequent until she stopped altogether. I was confused but accepted that that's life.

 

Fast forward on around 7 or 8 months and we're both invited to a birthday dinner for a mutual friend. Since then communication has been building up to the point that we're now speaking by message most days, and meeting weekly. She's come rock climbing with me, I've gone to shows with her etc. At first I just thought of it as a friendship but the more time I spend with her the more I feel how I did when I met her, and now she's stuck in my head. I had been thinking that she may becoming interested again too. While at first, our conversations and hangout invites, were largely instigated by me, its now very much 50:50. To try and push things further I've attempted simple intimacy to try to gauge a reaction. Stuff like an arm across the shoulder or around the waist etc is usually met with a close response but not quite the intimacy I was hoping for so I've been scared to go further.

 

The reason for this post is that today she said something that hit me like a punch and I don't know how to react to it. She fancies the actor Tom Hardy. I've got no problem with this, people are attracted to celebrities, even when married. We went to a Mixed Martial Arts event a couple of months ago, where one of the fighters looked a bit like Tom Hardy and she joked about wanting to meet him. I was a bit hurt that she'd say it to me, about someone who was actually in the building rather than in a film, but wrote it off as jokes. One of my friends has recently started dating the guy who runs these MMA shows and I joked (via instant messenger) that I'd try to use this contact to get us some free tickets. She replied that this guy must know the Tom Hardy lookalike and that he could hook her up. I had thought that she must have a good idea that I like her, so at first I was hurt that she'd say this to me but was prepared to let it slide as a joke in mid conversation. The comment that really hit me came a couple of hours later when she opened up a brand new chat with "After a quick fb stalk that tom hardy lookalike fighter is recently single. BOOM!" This wasn't a passing joke...she started the conversation with it. I responded with nothing more than "Ha!", then we wound up meeting for lunch and he wasn't mentioned again.

 

While I had been thinking that things were improving between us this comment has really set me back. I'm thinking that one of 3 things has happened:

1. She know's I like her and she's just hurting me on purpose
   
2. She knows I like her and she's trying to make me jealous / is testing me
   
3. She has no idea that I like her and is chatting to me how she would to a good friend
   

I think the first is very unlikely as she's never shown signs of being like that before. 2 is possible but if she was testing me, I think that she'd give a stronger response to attempts at simple intimacy. Which leaves us with 3 (or a 4 or 5 that I've not thought of?) which appears to be the most likely, but seems odd because I thought I was being pretty forward.

 

So the question is this.... Should I continue to make her laugh, attempt to be intimate, invite her to do fun things, listen to her problems and try to help with them, and flirt etc, but be much more obvious about it (I'm not sure how) so that she has to know that I like her. Or should I just simply tell her I like her and get it out in the open. The sensible option may be to accept that we have great friendship but I'm afraid I can't!

 

I've completely failed to avoid the wall of text!! Sorry!

 

Thanks

[Versacehottie]

well that's a lot of hanging out I think she probably liked you for sure but it has gone on so long as friends that she is just as confused as you are. She may be trying to make you jealous, test you and really want to meet the guy as well! I don't think she means to hurt you. If she is smart and likes you, she is trying to light a fire under you and it's working. You're a guy--so i like the option of telling her how you feel. Good luck!!

[Moe'sTavern]

So the question is this.... Should I continue to make her laugh, attempt to be intimate, invite her to do fun things, listen to her problems and try to help with them, and flirt etc, but be much more obvious about it (I'm not sure how) so that she has to know that I like her. Or should I just simply tell her I like her and get it out in the open. The sensible option may be to accept that we have great friendship but I'm afraid I can't!

Well, Judging by this, it's clear you don't want to be just friends with the girl and trying to employ what people call "nice guy" behavior to help your case. Just ask the girl out and see how she responds.

[atomicdog]

It could be that you're the type she'd rather smooch with than have sex with.

 

I know that men can have the same thing in reverse - women you'd be happy to bang, but not be so keen on kissing/cuddling.

 

Maybe you should find another girl to satisfy your sexual needs and just enjoy the kissing/cuddling with this one.