Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I'm a mature guy and have been in many relationships before. I've dated someone for 3-4 months and we had one fight about 4 weeks ago and she says "we're better as friends, I have too many problems and you don't deserve to deal with them. I can't give you what you need right now". So I react poorly and tell her she manipulated me and treated me badly. I also tell her that she lied when she said she loved me 2 weeks before. I was pissed and went NC. She texted me a week later and also a couple more times 2 weeks later once about 10 days ago and I respond each times with "I'm fine, hope you're doing well too". I was crushed at the moment, I've cried like I have never cried before. I've been trying just about everything to forget her. I won't tell anyone about my pain because I don't want to burden my friends. My question is: I know she doesn't have anyone else in her life. I also know she cares about me. Her actions speak louder than words. She texts me to inform me about things I like such as "BTW, so and so is having a show next month thought you should know." Why??? Why does she torment me like that? Is is pity? I've finally called her to tell her to stop and left a message saying ' call me when you get a chance I want to catch up"....she never called instead she texted me the following day saying she was going on a trip and wasn't going to be around. I finally say " OK" and leave her alone AGAIN. I need to move on but I can't even focus on work at the moment....my heart is crushed. She was perfect, I was in love and we really were good together. Not sure what happened??? What is it? Why does she keep contacting me again? I know she has issues on her own and also know she doesn't have anyone else in her life.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I'm a mature guy and have been in many relationships before. I've dated someone for 3-4 months and we had one fight about 4 weeks ago and she says "we're better as friends, I have too many problems and you don't deserve to deal with them. I can't give you what you need right now". So I react poorly and tell her she manipulated me and treated me badly. I also tell her that she lied when she said she loved me 2 weeks before. I was pissed and went NC. She texted me a week later and also a couple more times 2 weeks later once about 10 days ago and I respond each times with "I'm fine, hope you're doing well too". I was crushed at the moment, I've cried like I have never cried before. I've been trying just about everything to forget her. I won't tell anyone about my pain because I don't want to burden my friends. My question is: I know she doesn't have anyone else in her life. I also know she cares about me. Her actions speak louder than words. She texts me to inform me about things I like such as "BTW, so and so is having a show next month thought you should know." Why??? Why does she torment me like that? Is is pity? I've finally called her to tell her to stop and left a message saying ' call me when you get a chance I want to catch up"....she never called instead she texted me the following day saying she was going on a trip and wasn't going to be around. I finally say " OK" and leave her alone AGAIN. I need to move on but I can't even focus on work at the moment....my heart is crushed. She was perfect, I was in love and we really were good together. Not sure what happened??? What is it? Why does she keep contacting me again? I know she has issues on her own and also know she doesn't have anyone else in her life. It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you but she also doesn't want to be without you. If you are trying NC and she won't stop contacting you. If you have the option on your phone to block her calls and texts if not change your number. You can't heal when she is always messaging you and acts as if you aren't over and nothing is wrong x
Author Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks Mummyjonno! What kills me is, why did she break up then? Should I just give up? I don't want to block her because I feel stupid doing it. I'd rather ignore her texts from now on. It sucks to love someone like that. Why can't people be honest about their feelings? I'd rather have "hey, you're great but I'm not that into you right now"
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks Mummyjonno! What kills me is, why did she break up then? Should I just give up? I don't want to block her because I feel stupid doing it. I'd rather ignore her texts from now on. It sucks to love someone like that. Why can't people be honest about their feelings? I'd rather have "hey, you're great but I'm not that into you right now" My pleasure. It sound's like she doesn't know what she actually wants and she's a flake. You don't need someone who can't make their mind up about you. If they can't then your relationship can't mean that much too her at all can it? xx
Author Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 My pleasure. It sound's like she doesn't know what she actually wants and she's a flake. You don't need someone who can't make their mind up about you. If they can't then your relationship can't mean that much too her at all can it? xx THANKS! You're correct. It's hard to look at the mirror sometimes. You hit the nail in the head...I don't mean that much to her after all. That's brutal to take right now but its nonetheless the TRUTH. I'll be sad but I will survive. Looking back she always said how great I was, how I was one of the nicest guys around, blah....blah..actually she was probably just feeling sorry for me and the fact she didn't feel the same way. I feel used and stupid now.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 THANKS! You're correct. It's hard to look at the mirror sometimes. You hit the nail in the head...I don't mean that much to her after all. That's brutal to take right now but its nonetheless the TRUTH. I'll be sad but I will survive. Looking back she always said how great I was, how I was one of the nicest guys around, blah....blah..actually she was probably just feeling sorry for me and the fact she didn't feel the same way. I feel used and stupid now. I wouldn't say it was because she felt sorry for you. It was more likely because she wanted to keep you around. Unfortunately we you met you didn't become friends (which seems like it would be ideal for her) you can't be friends now and she's going to have to be without you. The good news is that if you are that good of a person that she wants to keep you around (relationship or not) that is a little boost for your self esteem xx
Author Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 I wouldn't say it was because she felt sorry for you. It was more likely because she wanted to keep you around. Unfortunately we you met you didn't become friends (which seems like it would be ideal for her) you can't be friends now and she's going to have to be without you. The good news is that if you are that good of a person that she wants to keep you around (relationship or not) that is a little boost for your self esteem xx Thanks again. She said she didn't want to lose me and I believe her. We like a lot of the same things. I can't be her friend right now. I really love her like I've never loved anyone before. She doesn't know that nor will I ever tell her now. I will still see her once in a while due to a work meeting we both attend every week but from now on I will just say hi and look away....no talking....I can't handle it right now. Life goes on , right?
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks again. She said she didn't want to lose me and I believe her. We like a lot of the same things. I can't be her friend right now. I really love her like I've never loved anyone before. She doesn't know that nor will I ever tell her now. I will still see her once in a while due to a work meeting we both attend every week but from now on I will just say hi and look away....no talking....I can't handle it right now. Life goes on , right? It really does. A week ago I'd have sworn it didn't go on but I know it does. You'll see honey x
Author Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks. I wish I could turn these feeling off for a day or two.. I miss my old self! Thanks for your feedback!!
joe86 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 As one good guy to another, no one is perfect. These girls can make us happy, but not unless they give us something back after what we put in. You don't say how you responded to her saying that she has problems and you don't deserve to deal with them, but my ex told me "I'm damaged goods" when we got serious and this just made me ignore my happiness & concentrate on making her happy. Thinking she was happy with me so it was other things that were the problem. That's the second time I've done that with a girl. I think it's in my Gemini nature to be like this, but I don't know. I think you need to ask her to either talk or stop with the 'little' texts. My ex has not been in touch since a few days after the BU. This helps me, but I also wonder how she feels, so contacted her last week. The tone of her texts helped me move on. Do whatever you feel you need to do to get through this. These situations are individual 1
Speakingofwhich Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I'm a mature guy and have been in many relationships before. I've dated someone for 3-4 months and we had one fight about 4 weeks ago and she says "we're better as friends, I have too many problems and you don't deserve to deal with them. I can't give you what you need right now". So I react poorly and tell her she manipulated me and treated me badly. I also tell her that she lied when she said she loved me 2 weeks before. I was pissed and went NC. She texted me a week later and also a couple more times 2 weeks later once about 10 days ago and I respond each times with "I'm fine, hope you're doing well too". I was crushed at the moment, I've cried like I have never cried before. I've been trying just about everything to forget her. I won't tell anyone about my pain because I don't want to burden my friends. My question is: I know she doesn't have anyone else in her life. I also know she cares about me. Her actions speak louder than words. She texts me to inform me about things I like such as "BTW, so and so is having a show next month thought you should know." Why??? Why does she torment me like that? Is is pity? I've finally called her to tell her to stop and left a message saying ' call me when you get a chance I want to catch up"....she never called instead she texted me the following day saying she was going on a trip and wasn't going to be around. I finally say " OK" and leave her alone AGAIN. I need to move on but I can't even focus on work at the moment....my heart is crushed. She was perfect, I was in love and we really were good together. Not sure what happened??? What is it? Why does she keep contacting me again? I know she has issues on her own and also know she doesn't have anyone else in her life. The two of you need to have a heart-to-heart. Text or call her and tell her that you want to talk with her. Or that you need to talk with her. Then tell her what you have posted here. It almost seems as if you both are playing a game of, "I'm cool, you didn't hurt me," when you both want to be together. Or why else has she continued to text you? When she first said you didn't deserve to deal with her problems, maybe she would have liked you to respond that you cared for her and would like to be there for her as she deals with her problems. You just need to man up and tell her you care and that you blew it by going NC. You may be able to work through this.
Author Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 As one good guy to another, no one is perfect. These girls can make us happy, but not unless they give us something back after what we put in. You don't say how you responded to her saying that she has problems and you don't deserve to deal with them, but my ex told me "I'm damaged goods" when we got serious and this just made me ignore my happiness & concentrate on making her happy. Thinking she was happy with me so it was other things that were the problem. That's the second time I've done that with a girl. I think it's in my Gemini nature to be like this, but I don't know. I think you need to ask her to either talk or stop with the 'little' texts. My ex has not been in touch since a few days after the BU. This helps me, but I also wonder how she feels, so contacted her last week. The tone of her texts helped me move on. Do whatever you feel you need to do to get through this. These situations are individual Joe, Thanks. I think being a nice guy is a good thing. Being a doormat is not. I think some people we date have a hard time trusting our true intentions. they may feel they can't measure up to us. I felt like that with my ex. The more I tried to help her the more she pulled away. I realized we had a problem but when I brought it up BANG! She says "Let's be friends". She didn't even want to talk about it anymore because she said she couldn't handle it emotionally anymore. She said she was sorry but she couldn't talk about the subject again. What does that mean??? BTW, I'm a Pisces but my ex is a Gemini too She's very shy and tongue tied...I think she uses this to her advantage at times. She's also very scared about any commitments but she did say that her dad was a horrible guy and verbally abusive to the kids and her mom. She hasn't married yet because it scares her. She's beautiful and has a great body and the sweetest, kindest personality. I know she would never hurt me on purpose. Deep down I think she suffers from low self esteem. She always told me she didn't deserve me. She kept saying "you're successful, you're good looking and you do everything that most men would love to do, why are you with me?" I always said "because I care about you". I told her I didn't care about the past or about how she looks today or tomorrow because what I really care about is HER and nothing else. I think she's also afraid of rejection so she always plays safe and when someone gets close she shuts the door. I think she's having a hard time getting rid of me even though I have given all the space she needs. I didn't even contact her....but you know what, I don't get the games. I don't deserve to played with so I'm hoping to move on but it's tough, very tough! She's one in a million, she really is a special person!
Author Curt2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 The two of you need to have a heart-to-heart. Text or call her and tell her that you want to talk with her. Or that you need to talk with her. Then tell her what you have posted here. It almost seems as if you both are playing a game of, "I'm cool, you didn't hurt me," when you both want to be together. Or why else has she continued to text you? When she first said you didn't deserve to deal with her problems, maybe she would have liked you to respond that you cared for her and would like to be there for her as she deals with her problems. You just need to man up and tell her you care and that you blew it by going NC. You may be able to work through this. Thanks. You may be correct but it's my heart and my pride that I'm trying to protect now. I really love her but since she called it off I feel like I should let her come back on her own. I don't want to pressure her in any way, it would only push her away further. She avoids confrontation at all costs. Possibly due to growing up in a home with an abusive dad. She also lost a twin brother several years ago and that was hard on her. Like I've said, she's complicated and very simple at the same time. I will see her next Monday during our office meeting and will see how she reacts before I try anything. I just don't want to miss her anymore. My heart aches and I've felt anxiety for the first time in my life. It really is like an addiction. I wish there was an easier way to move on. The thing that keeps me coming back is I know for sure she loves me, she trusts me, she looks up to me BUT she's afraid of something that I don't even know or understand yet. She's never lied to me, EVER! She's very honest so it's tough because I believed her when she said she loved me 2 weeks prior to breaking up. If she said "I don't care about you" It would hurt but I would move on.
robbysurfs Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 It sucks man... I would let her go on her way you got enough friends I am sure. You have to pray for acceptance and know people do have the right to fall in and out of love with people and Its out of your control. I may be wrong but if you talk it out and remain friends or get strung along you gonna be really really miserable be grateful it was only 4 months...And I am a mature guy aswell and just got strung along and dumped from a women who said she loved me yadda yadda I want to be with you forever....blahblahblah puke..and it dragged out for a yr...If its meant to be it will be but be mindful...
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