My ex just call me again!

[dreameater]

I understand people are angry to be the dumpee including myself but I am here to find a way to get her back via NC.

 

The reason why she choose that bad guy was she felt in love with him because I kept giving negative comment on her, so my attraction went down...

 

And she was in love with 2 people: the badguy and me.

 

She dumped me because she doesn't want to hold 2 fishes at the same time and hurt both people.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I understand people are angry to be the dumpee including myself but I am here to find a way to get her back via NC.

 

The reason why she choose that bad guy was she felt in love with him because I kept giving negative comment on her, so my attraction went down...

 

And she was in love with 2 people: the badguy and me.

 

She dumped me because she doesn't want to hold 2 fishes at the same time and hurt both people.

 

Wow....I dont even know where to begin.

 

The boat on another relationship with her has sailed. In fact, the boat didn't even come get close to your island. No contact is not used to get ANYONE back. Its used for you to move on from the relationship. Thats it and anything else from that, you are wasting your time on hope.

 

Being her emotional tampon was bad....send a note was much worse. Her telling you anytime you need her help she'll be there says "You are in my friendzone 100% percent."

 

You seem like a good guy with good intentions so this isnt meant to be mean, but its over man. One and a million chance of anything relationship. Don't pull a Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber and say "So youre saying theres a chance??" lol no dude....thats all their is to it. Dont be down....pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go out there and find someone wanting to be with you and ONLY you.

 

No one is mad at you my friend. We are all on the same team. No hate around here.

Edited September 6, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[dreameater]

We were friend before dating. So how about getting in friends and slowly show attraction... By touching her trick... Will this work? I read in some book that I should use NC, then the women will contact back after sometime... Meet that girl, then go slowly without showing affection towards her to get her back.

 

I forgot to mention that just few days after the breakup, she met her last EX which has a family and she wants to get back to him as he shows affection, but he declines because he already got a family...

[Misfortune]

***Update***

 

I wrote her a letter without given my intention... She replied to me that we respect me. And whenever I need her help, just call her and she will be there at anytime.

 

When she called me in rush, I didn't pickup the phone as I am in NC... So, she went to see the 3rd guy. This 3rd guy is always stuborn and love her - has been 2 years. But she never loves him and told him she consider him as big brother. But this guy is still waiting hope...

 

She asked me if she should give a chance to that 3rd guy...

 

So I guess she is done with the bad guy.

 

It is time for me to step forward and see the horizon or leave it like that? If I leave like that, there is a chance she will be with the 3rd guy which she consider as brother...

 

What is your thought?

 

She's asking you advice on getting with someone else? Really? She was just acting liked a prisoner and she's now able to get away from her oppressor, to be with someone else? Makes sense -_-

[dreameater]

She's asking you advice on getting with someone else? Really? She was just acting liked a prisoner and she's now able to get away from her oppressor, to be with someone else? Makes sense -_-

At least, she is moving out of that rebound badguy...

 

And if we love our ex, it is happiness from them that we want, no?

 

Of course, after 7 months, I have been suffering from pain... But I know that I still stand a chance... If this chance is null and she is happy with the man she want, then I should be happy too, right?

 

I know my mistake and what to do to avoid this bummer again, but 1st thing 1st. Have to get back together to see...

 

I don't want to regret if I ever lost her. During this 7 months, I seek and was in front of 5 womens that I can choose. I decided not to move on because I don't feel any future with them.

 

This is why she decide to choose that rebound badboy:

 

In the breakup before she met that badguy:

> I texted her telling her to choose a man so I can move on (it was just a joke, but she thought it was real)

> I told her she is germini and they are not loyal - she is arrogance, so she was mad when I say this.

> In holiday, we quarrelled and I left her home with her gift. In that moment, that badguy called her, comfort her and ask for a chance. By mistake, she say "yes"...

 

After breakup when she is dating long distance with that guy (he was in prison all the 5months)

> I beg her, I plead her, I cry, all mistakes...

 

That is why I fail... Now, if she really get out of that, I still stand a chance no?

[Chi townD]

okay... is it just me, or is this thread starting to sound a little...... unrealistic.

[dreameater]

okay... is it just me, or is this thread starting to sound a little...... unrealistic.

What unrealistic?

 

If you think it is like a drama, then you bet. And to tell you, this is real... It is just RARE.

 

But I agree that we acted like childish... People will probably think that I am trolling... I am not.

 

I really need advice to get her back. I will provide my progress if I fail or not to get her back.

 

But I have to make sure that my action and decision will work 100%. Otherwise, I will be stuck in friendzone forever... Which I dont want!

Edited September 6, 2013 by dreameater

[Chi townD]

It's just that the more you post, the more information is presented that sound pretty...outlandish.

 

I mean, she left you for "bad boy"; which, is common and happens. But, then she's calling you about how badly she's being treated. Which, can happen. Then, you find out NOW she has NO problem getting away from the "Bad boy" and is asking you about getting with ANOTHER guy other than yourself...now, it's getting weird. NOW! Your saying that she was with "bad boy" BUT she also had a LDR with a guy in prison.....now, you're starting to lose me.

 

Did she even actually date you?

[dreameater]

It's just that the more you post, the more information is presented that sound pretty...outlandish.

 

I mean, she left you for "bad boy"; which, is common and happens. But, then she's calling you about how badly she's being treated. Which, can happen. Then, you find out NOW she has NO problem getting away from the "Bad boy" and is asking you about getting with ANOTHER guy other than yourself...now, it's getting weird. NOW! Your saying that she was with "bad boy" BUT she also had a LDR with a guy in prison.....now, you're starting to lose me.

 

Did she even actually date you?

I am not sure if she is OUT of that yet. She told me that she is dealing with it and will go for a coffee with me as a friend when it is over with him. She want to wait little, stabilize her and clear up her mind before going for a coffee...

 

Last time, when she called me, FB me SMS me like crazy, I didnt reply to her... So I guess she got burnout with that guy. So she call Mr. B to get a drink to put things back. But then she realized that Mr. B is still waiting for her, so she questionned herself if she should give him a chance. Why not me? 2 reasons: friendzone or she doesn't want to hurt me as in the letter... That is why she sent me a email saying she will respect me... I don't know if this is good or bad... Will keep posted!

 

And let me make this clear in case it will help people here too...

 

The people relate to this relation:

 

She

Me

Mr. A (Bad Guy - got case went to prison fewer times)

Mr. B (The one that love her and still love her even if he knows he doesn't stand a chance)

 

When I 1st met her last 3 years, I showed how man I was... I directed her this and that and I even see within my eyes she was attractive to me without notifying it. I just realize it now after some reflexions. During that time, she got engaged with another person already, but that person is far away from her in another country doing business and dumped her by having sex with some massage girl - this guy was a business man - as she heard something over the phone. My friend present me to her and we become friend. We talked and feel really compatible... Then she started to lose attraction from this men because everytime she call him asking for help, she yelled at her and didn't provide her mental support (she ignored the fact of that he dumped her). At that time, I was there supported her and so on - I was the rebound guy may be. I was friend with Mr. B and didn't know he got a crush on my ex! After we dated, my ex explained to Mr. B that they are only friend! So, Mr. B removed me from his friend list!

 

Then we started to date... In 2 years, we always think about the future and having how many child, we even name propose how our childs will be called! However, we quarrel almost everytime we met and I never compliment her - I was kind of negative person at that time after dating her. I acted as Beta Male, giving her all she wished and she was on the pedestral... We broke up 3 times, but reconciled the next day as I went to see her to apologize immediately just after the breakup. The last year, another quarrel... But this time, I left her alone for 2-3 weeks and this is probably why she decided to end this relationship. She told me that we will remains friend, but in fact, she got GIGS! She listened to all crappy comments - her colleague, best friend, psychologist which confused her as all of them provide negative comment - colleague got dumped by her BF, best friend got dumped before and hate men, psycho reading my bad SMS and judge from that - sick!

 

So, she started to evaluate me... From that time, instead of giving attraction, I continue to be arrogant and gave her bad comment, no compliment. At that time, she went to karaoke then meet Mr. A (Bad Boy). The next weekend, we met, she explained to me that someone is trying to date her. And she provided him her number as he asked... I was so confident because we promised to stay together no matter what... So I didn't take precaution. Then she told me that guy was a bad guy and even her friends suggested her to only be friend with him - no further than that. So she asked me a question in my car:

"I am scared now... What should I do now". I replied to her with arrogance: "Do whatever you have to do!". Then she replied "I was waiting for you to say, no matter what happen, I will be there to protect you!". So, from this line, I lose attraction...

Then the next time she went karaoke, that guy was not there anymore. She got info from her friends that he is hiding from her because he got heartbreak seing her. After a month, that guy showed up again. This time, my ex which is a nice girl, saw a drunk girl on table, she ordered a tea for her. Mr. A saw that and went to her, put his knee down, crying and begged her to stop doing that otherwise he will fall in love in front of everyone! After that day, he got jail and call her everyday! Me, by that time, I saw the fact that she is tired at work, so I only call her 1 time a week. That guy, however called her twice a day! And force her to promise to pickup HIS CALL whenever he call her and she promised. While I lose atttraction, this guy build it up...

 

At the end, she fall in love with him and me. More with him... And she told me that she has to let someone go as she cannot hold 2 fishes at once! So, after some extra bad feedback from me, she decided to give him a chance... She told me he is the opposite of me and she cannot see any future with him! But she is in love with him... And the fact that he is in the prison alone, she cannot cut the call as she promised him...

 

So, they dated for 5 months over the call... They even got breakup... Sound weird, but this is so true.

 

Then they date 2 months when Mr. A is out.

 

Mr. B got chance to date someone else, but he is still waiting... During our breakup, Mr. B tried it again, but she never like Mr. B. Mr. B has career, is really supportive to her and always there to make her happy. But she told him that he is a Big Brother of her.

 

Now, she is more confuse... Like try to give chance to Mr. B to make Mr. B happy? WTF?

 

Sorry for the grammar... No time to review it.

Edited September 6, 2013 by dreameater

[crazy1234]

I went to FB and notice she sent me a desesperate message at 3AM yesteday with the crying emoticon saying that everytime she leaves that guy, he keeps retain her, not to let her go. But when she go back to him, he treats her badly. And she asked me what she should do... She is stuck... She ended with a crying emoticon again.

 

Today, she call me and failed because I block her, then she iMessage me like rush asking me to call her back in 15mins. Last time, I played the tampon emotion 3 times...

 

I am not going to fall into her trap once again.

 

But if I really want her back, it is a good time to call her and see what she has to say? And if she talks about their relationship, I hang on, will this be OK?

 

Any tips?

lol..dude..You'r her 'fallback' net dont u see that?So she calls you only cause now he's treating her bad?what happens when u call her..things r going well and suddenly this person calls again with a sweet tone?She'll throw everything again and run into his arms.Save yourself the heartache and walk away from her..for good.

[dreameater]

lol..dude..You'r her 'fallback' net dont u see that?So she calls you only cause now he's treating her bad?what happens when u call her..things r going well and suddenly this person calls again with a sweet tone?She'll throw everything again and run into his arms.Save yourself the heartache and walk away from her..for good.

How about looking into a positive perspective? She is currently dating with him - holding 1 fish. And she already told him that if he did not take his chance, he will lose a pearl (which is her).

 

She already warn me before, but I was so arrogant, so I didn't listen to her... I made her cry a lot.

 

We broke up because of misunderstanding... That is why I still have hope... But only if I do it right on time.

 

That is why I need your suggestion for everyone that went through such situation. She is Asian btw and she will never date a White. Never. Because she want to have a pure Asian son/daughter That's another point I forgot to mention.

[Simon Phoenix]

You have no chance. You are the emotional tampon.

[StrongLass]

What unrealistic? If you think it is like a drama, then you bet. And to tell you, this is real... It is just RARE.

 

Actually....no it's not. It's happened to me & to thousands of people worldwide and will continue to do so until the world stops spinning (and maybe not even then).

 

There's ONLY ONE way that you can make this work for you and that's to

 

GET.OUT.OF.HER.LIFE.

 

Otherwise you'll just keep being used and waste your time. The rest of the details DON'T MATTER, trust me.

 

People like her will say ANYTHING to keep their house of cards from falling.

[dreameater]

Actually....no it's not. It's happened to me & to thousands of people worldwide and will continue to do so until the world stops spinning (and maybe not even then).

 

There's ONLY ONE way that you can make this work for you and that's to

 

GET.OUT.OF.HER.LIFE.

 

Otherwise you'll just keep being used and waste your time. The rest of the details DON'T MATTER, trust me.

 

People like her will say ANYTHING to keep their house of cards from falling.

Mind to explain more and what to do? She just sent me 2 extra email saying she will go to dentist... Then she will take vacation next week and will have to help her family so no break...

 

I didn't reply because I felt that she knows that I am the only one that she trusted and i know her feeling...

 

If I get out of her life, how do I get back to her then?

[dreameater]

Update:

 

She went to dentist and texted me with emoticon crying, sadness... because she removed one tooth and it hurts... I know that I will fall in trap, but I reply to her to see if there is still a light for me, but it seems that she just want to get attention... Worst, I went to buy her a food because I know she cannot eat hard food. She thanks me and from that, no more text...

 

Problem now is I am back from the square one... Missing her again... I was 90% capable of living without giving a damn crap on this girl, but my kindness make me fail... Now, it gonna take me another few weeks or month to get back on track...

 

So, if you guys got the same crap. Stay strong and DO NOT REPLY!

 

What's next? I do not know... I will keep posted... I just hope that there will be a miracle for good people just like me.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Update:

 

She went to dentist and texted me with emoticon crying, sadness... because she removed one tooth and it hurts... I know that I will fall in trap, but I reply to her to see if there is still a light for me, but it seems that she just want to get attention... Worst, I went to buy her a food because I know she cannot eat hard food. She thanks me and from that, no more text...

 

Problem now is I am back from the square one... Missing her again... I was 90% capable of living without giving a damn crap on this girl, but my kindness make me fail... Now, it gonna take me another few weeks or month to get back on track...

 

So, if you guys got the same crap. Stay strong and DO NOT REPLY!

 

What's next? I do not know... I will keep posted... I just hope that there will be a miracle for good people just like me.

 

A terrible feeling when you try and they do that? It sucks I know man. We've all been in that situation before....

 

Just keep moving forward. It's a tough road for sure, but you will come out better in the end

[dreameater]

I know if I date new girl, I can forget her easily... The problem is I don't see any future with the girls I am hanging... For me, they can just be friend. All girls that I want to make a extra step are all taken. Where are the fishes? It seems people are faster than me and even that guy who stole her from me...

 

I try to love myself, to do everything alone, but every party I go, everyone is in couple and they (my good friends) point at me all the time saying I should get a girl... Now, I realized what I wanted is affection... Someone I can share thing and comfort me when I am under pressure and the definition is a girlfriend.

 

A single mistake created all those chaos...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I know if I date new girl, I can forget her easily... The problem is I don't see any future with the girls I am hanging... For me, they can just be friend. All girls that I want to make a extra step are all taken. Where are the fishes? It seems people are faster than me and even that guy who stole her from me...

 

I try to love myself, to do everything alone, but every party I go, everyone is in couple and they (my good friends) point at me all the time saying I should get a girl... Now, I realized what I wanted is affection... Someone I can share thing and comfort me when I am under pressure and the definition is a girlfriend.

 

A single mistake created all those chaos...

 

I think it might be a little too early for that if you want the honest truth. The best ones are found when you are least expecting it. It ALWAYS seems like everyone is taken when you are single and the opposite when you are in one lol. I know it feels like you want to go supersonic speed past the pain and I wish I could do that for you too. With that said, you seem to have a good grasp that you WANT to move forward, and that is the start of it. I commend you my friend.

 

Things like companionship cannot be forced. You WILL find it my friend. We all do at some point in our life....and usually many times. So if this past one didnt work, there will be others that do . I do believe that.

[dreameater]

She FB messaged me again... I took 20-40mins to reply to her then disappear... Then she cleaned her room and she showed me all the dolls I bought her and placed them on her bed... What is the meaning of this?

 

I want to give her some affection, so I reply and leave for 30-50mins, then come back if needed.

 

Is this a good tactic to bring her back some feelings, so I can be removed from her friendzone?

Edited September 10, 2013 by dreameater

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

She FB messaged me again... I took 20-40mins to reply to her then disappear... Then she cleaned her room and she showed me all the dolls I bought her and placed them on her bed... What is the meaning of this?

 

I want to give her some emotion, so I reply and leave for 30-50mins, then come back...

 

Is this a good tactic to give her some feelings, so I can be removed from her friendzone?

 

Sigh.....

 

Dude, there is no "tactic" to really anything here. I understand the feelings and whatever associated with this and wanting to do whatever but the facts are clear. She doesnt want a relationship with you. Harsh I know, but thats the truth. The fact you guys were in eachothers lives for a bit means she probably doesnt hate you. She contacts you probably for probably a couple of reasons: Guilt, wants to be your friend, both, etc etc.

 

She is putting you (and a picnic table and kool-aid) in the friendzone because that is where she wants you. Basically, not answering back for a while only means you are friend who is a kinda douche taking so long to answer back lol. There wont be a relationship if she doesnt want you. Sadly, mind games and whatever wont work to get an ex back. Mind games are a pretty crappy trick anyways....if they EVER do work, its just playing off fear and they come back, but then things are worse than ever because you will resent her a bit because of what she did to you AND she realizes very shortly her mistake afterwards.

 

Do not talk to her man. Seriously, dont answer, dont text her....nothing. Go No contact.

[Simon Phoenix]

She FB messaged me again... I took 20-40mins to reply to her then disappear... Then she cleaned her room and she showed me all the dolls I bought her and placed them on her bed... What is the meaning of this?

 

I want to give her some affection, so I reply and leave for 30-50mins, then come back if needed.

 

Is this a good tactic to bring her back some feelings, so I can be removed from her friendzone?

 

You have no chance at this woman right now. You are her emotional tampon.

[melell]

Tell her to go **** herself. There is no way I would put up with that and I am a soft touch

[NewPerspective93]

Dude, you need to ignore her contacting you, initiate No Contact, and understand that IT'S OVER. If she really wanted you, you'd be with her, not trying to analyze whatever she does means and then posting it on here. You seem to be holding onto a sliver of hope which is messing you up.

 

You'll move on from this girl, trust me.

 

I apologize if I sound harsh, but you seem to be stuck in this hole because you're still holding onto false hope that is screwing you over. You have a choice in letting this affect you, which you are, by trying to be there for her and by analyzing whatever she does. Analyzing is futile, women's actions can't be analyzed. Let it go and move on.

 

There is not "tactic" in getting her back. You don't seem to be showing any respect for yourself, which you should. I understand this is a hard time, but you need to focus on YOURSELF and what is best for yourself, in this case, it's moving on from this girl. You might not think so, but from what you've said thus far, it is.

 

Let it go, and move on with your life. Women come and go, and one day you'll find someone who won't have you thinking like this.

 

Cheers.

[dreameater]

When I google, there are some tips even book which is Get Ex Back With No Contact. They provide tips. Will this work? That's why I keep trying to give affection 1st...

 

Most of people here believe that NC is a process to move on. So, how come these tips and book which provide a way to get Ex Back? Is that lying or some kind of marketing for sells?

 

One thing I am sure is if I get her back, I have totally confidence that there wont be any breakup between us. We broke up because of misunderstanding and I pushed her away with negative and bad words, so it is my fault too. All she needed was respect and for 7 months, I have changed so much in good way...

 

We planned before the breakup the name of our son or daughter... You guys see how far we are at? Just a little dispute and misunderstanding, she is away from me and I have never date any other women even when I have the opportunity because I truly love this women.

 

The only way for me to abandon this thinking is to see her in happiness and married... But both criteria are not met yet. I understand that it is not very good and clean to have the girl we want got banged by another retarded man... But no one is perfect... It is not like every girl is virgin and get to us...

 

I have been doing my stuffs, get busy, progressing in my career... And I have been waiting her for 1 year and I am still waiting... I hope she will understand that we were meant to be together and will ask for a come back...

[NewPerspective93]

I won't stop you, but you might find yourself exhausted and later resent yourself for "trying" to win her back, and find your efforts were in vain in the end.

 

To be honest, I don't know if a book can help you get someone back. It just sounds like manipulation to me, well somewhat to an extent. I feel that it's best to live and let go.

 

It won't be easy letting go, but there are others that have gone through this and they'll tell you they're doing fine and are better off.

 

I don't mean to sound mean, but so what if you had the names of your future kids planned out? Not everything goes according to plan, things happen and agendas change. There are people here who have been with people for years and they've been in your shoes and they're trying to move on. It might not make sense, but sometimes it's best to move on.

 

So you're going to hang around until she marries someone else to let go? That's not good. Work on yourself and your life, don't wait around for some girl.

 

No Contact is a tool used for moving on; if you think it can be used as a tool to get someone back, you're in for a disappointment.

 

Cheers.

Edited September 10, 2013 by NewPerspective93