Did I Mess It Up??

[amarie39]

So I was dating a great guy. We are both 21 and he is very sexually experienced, as I am not. I have made out with men and kissed them, but had not gone further than that. I am very shy and nervous about initiating things. I always just waited for the guy to do it.

 

With this guy things were different. So much tension would build up between us, and he would crack and suddenly just grab me and kiss me. I learned to love this kind of thing and think he liked it that I was so shy and oblivious.

 

One day we were arguing through text messages. and I asked him to come to my door. He ran over scared I was going to yell at him. I grabbed him and just hugged him. He loved it so much and spent the whole afternoon with me and kept just grabbing me and making out with me all over my dorm. I loved it so much and craved being close to someone.

 

He was very respectful of me and was always afraid of "freaking me out," with his experience. He told me he didn't want to invite me to his bedroom because he didn't want me to think he was taking me there to do things. I told him it was fine and we could just watch movies on his bed and cuddle.

 

So finally one night we watched tv in his room. At the end of the night I went home and things were fine. The next time we did that we ended up falling asleep together on his bed. It was harmless and he made it known he loves sleeping next to someone. So then it began, I would stay over his room many times a week. I learned that I loved it very much, since I had never done it, I really liked sleeping next to someone. We had a conversation or two about sex, but I was always so shy about it. He would ask me to ask him any questions I had, but I told him I couldn't think of any and that I talk to my roommate about it more. He wanted me to feel comfortable talking to him about it, I just didn't. I would get so nervous and my brain would go blank.

 

We were getting more touchy feely together. He would always hint that he didn't want to scare me but he had so many things in mind he could do with me. He would sometimes say that he knows a bunch of things I would like sexually. I started wanting him more, but wasn't ready for sex because I have morals and feel that I want commitment. He would say things like, "Oh you have no hormones." He would explain it that it was fine that I didn't and he thought it was cute. He would say "Your just content with like kissing and stuff aren't you...no hormones"

 

I would always argue that I did he just didn't know it. Because to be honest I did. I always would like want to practically jump on him all the time. I would always think of things I wanted to do with him, but would be too nervous and not know how to initiate to ever do them. Things as simple as holding his hand. I finally had the guts to kiss him and rub his knee in public, but that was after months of dating. I was a little more daring behind closed doors, but still shy.

 

One night we were in our respected dorms and we were texting and flirting. I was being a bit of a tease, joking that my "hormones" were raging. It was our joke, because he claimed I had none. I must have hinted enough to him that I wanted him, because the next morning we went to his room and we were heavily making out and touching each other. I loved it. At one point he was like "Alex would you just touch me a little and he grabbed my hands." I had been touching him but I must have been awkward or something. He was very patient and understanding. He would always kiss my neck which I loved too, and one time he asked me to try it for him. I felt bad I just had never thought to do it, because of my inexperience. I would have done it if I had thought of it. I felt like such a retard not thinking about him.

 

He was joking about when he wakes up in the "morning" he has a friend down under. We then fell asleep accidentally. We slept for a couple hours and woke up. He then laughed and said this was his second "morning" wake up call. We then started getting all hot and heavy again. My clothes were coming off and his shirt came off. He got me off once with his hand at the beginning, then he went down on me for a while.

 

I enjoyed it and we took a short break and he was adamant on knowing what I liked. I told him I liked all of it because its all new to me so everything is good. He kept asking me what I liked so he could know what to do, but I told him I didn't know and I liked anything he wanted to do to me. He insisted on doing more and getting me off again, but I kinda refused him. He kept asking, but I told him I loved it, and he didn't have to do more. He kinda put the pressure on and insisted on more, but I told him it was all great and I really did love it, but he didn't have to do more, he did enough.

 

I didn't give him any oral, because I didn't know how to go about it and am so shy about initiating. I hope he wasn't upset. He seemed fine with it. He had told me many times he was fine not having sex, and that I deserved to lose my virginity in a beautiful and special way. Like he told me that he planned this wonderful romantic time for one of his ex girlfriends. He said I deserved that. I hope he wasn't disappointed. We still haven't had sex and I am happy we didn't because now we are long distance and things have been hard. He is right and I want a commitment and it should be special for me.

Edited September 4, 2013 by amarie39

[ExpatInItaly]

So I was dating a great guy. We are both 21 and he is very sexually experienced, as I am not. I have made out with men and kissed them, but had not gone further than that. I am very shy and nervous about initiating things. I always just waited for the guy to do it.

 

With this guy things were different. So much tension would build up between us, and he would crack and suddenly just grab me and kiss me. I learned to love this kind of thing and think he liked it that I was so shy and oblivious.

 

One day we were arguing through text messages. and I asked him to come to my door. He ran over scared I was going to yell at him. I grabbed him and just hugged him. He loved it so much and spent the whole afternoon with me and kept just grabbing me and making out with me all over my dorm. I loved it so much and craved being close to someone.

 

He was very respectful of me and was always afraid of "freaking me out," with his experience. He told me he didn't want to invite me to his bedroom because he didn't want me to think he was taking me there to do things. I told him it was fine and we could just watch movies on his bed and cuddle.

 

So finally one night we watched tv in his room. At the end of the night I went home and things were fine. The next time we did that we ended up falling asleep together on his bed. It was harmless and he made it known he loves sleeping next to someone. So then it began, I would stay over his room many times a week. I learned that I loved it very much, since I had never done it, I really liked sleeping next to someone. We had a conversation or two about sex, but I was always so shy about it. He would ask me to ask him any questions I had, but I told him I couldn't think of any and that I talk to my roommate about it more. He wanted me to feel comfortable talking to him about it, I just didn't. I would get so nervous and my brain would go blank.

 

We were getting more touchy feely together. He would always hint that he didn't want to scare me but he had so many things in mind he could do with me. He would sometimes say that he knows a bunch of things I would like sexually. I started wanting him more, but wasn't ready for sex because I have morals and feel that I want commitment. He would say things like, "Oh you have no hormones." He would explain it that it was fine that I didn't and he thought it was cute. He would say "Your just content with like kissing and stuff aren't you...no hormones"

 

I would always argue that I did he just didn't know it. Because to be honest I did. I always would like want to practically jump on him all the time. I would always think of things I wanted to do with him, but would be too nervous and not know how to initiate to ever do them. Things as simple as holding his hand. I finally had the guts to kiss him and rub his knee in public, but that was after months of dating. I was a little more daring behind closed doors, but still shy.

 

One night we were in our respected dorms and we were texting and flirting. I was being a bit of a tease, joking that my "hormones" were raging. It was our joke, because he claimed I had none. I must have hinted enough to him that I wanted him, because the next morning we went to his room and we were heavily making out and touching each other. I loved it. At one point he was like "Alex would you just touch me a little and he grabbed my hands." I had been touching him but I must have been awkward or something. He was very patient and understanding. He would always kiss my neck which I loved too, and one time he asked me to try it for him. I felt bad I just had never thought to do it, because of my inexperience. I would have done it if I had thought of it. I felt like such a retard not thinking about him.

 

He was joking about when he wakes up in the "morning" he has a friend down under. We then fell asleep accidentally. We slept for a couple hours and woke up. He then laughed and said this was his second "morning" wake up call. We then started getting all hot and heavy again. My clothes were coming off and his shirt came off. He got me off once with his hand at the beginning, then he went down on me for a while.

 

I enjoyed it and we took a short break and he was adamant on knowing what I liked. I told him I liked all of it because its all new to me so everything is good. He kept asking me what I liked so he could know what to do, but I told him I didn't know and I liked anything he wanted to do to me. He insisted on doing more and getting me off again, but I kinda refused him. He kept asking, but I told him I loved it, and he didn't have to do more. He kinda put the pressure on and insisted on more, but I told him it was all great and I really did love it, but he didn't have to do more, he did enough.

 

I didn't give him any oral, because I didn't know how to go about it and am so shy about initiating. I hope he wasn't upset. He seemed fine with it. He had told me many times he was fine not having sex, and that I deserved to lose my virginity in a beautiful and special way. Like he told me that he planned this wonderful romantic time for one of his ex girlfriends. He said I deserved that. I hope he wasn't disappointed. We still haven't had sex and I am happy we didn't because now we are long distance and things have been hard. He is right and I want a commitment and it should be special for me.

 

I don't know why you think you've messed it up...did he seem upset with you? If you're not interested in having sex yet, then that's completely ok and you have every right to stick to your guns. Kudos to you for doing so!

 

The downside is that you two just don't sound very sexually compatible. You're at quite opposite ends of the spectrum and have different expectation/desires/needs when it comes to sex. I think you need to have a very open discussion with him about this. He might not be thrilled about the prospect of no sex (understandable) while you might not be thrilled about the prospect of him continuing to nudge you to have sex (also understandable)

[Grumpybutfun]

Hi amarie39:

I don't think you messed up either. Being a virgin and waiting is perfectly acceptable and have known many women who have waited until it felt special to them or marriage. My spouse was a virgin and wanted to wait for intercourse and that was perfectly fine with me because she was worth it. She communicated to me exactly what she felt was best for her and made sure I could handle it. (Also, I knew from fooling around that we were very compatible physically.)

What I do suggest is that you make your feelings about this subject very clear. What you are willing to do and what you are not, specifically. It isn't fair to a guy to keep leading him on with him having the expectation of sexual intercourse or him getting oral if you are not interested. Reciprocation is also something to consider...is it fair for him to give you oral pleasure without you giving him oral pleasure? Just something to think about and talk about. If he is okay with it, then that might not be an issue, but if it makes him feel used then it might be an issue later on. Remember, even if your boyfriend is experienced, that does not mean that he doesn't have feelings about being led on without any hope of reciprocation. I always say if you are old enough to participate in sex, you should be able to talk about it.

Communicate with him. He sounds like a great guy who really wants to make your experiences good so at least you know that he isn't in this just for the sex. Are you exclusive with him?

Good luck,

Grumps

[NJtoDC]

\Reciprocation is also something to consider...is it fair for him to give you oral pleasure without you giving him oral pleasure?

Grumps

 

When he kept pressing her to tell him what she wanted him to do (sounds like the oral was his idea to me) and she said whatever, and even that he didn't need to do any more- he did not stop pressing her. I wonder if it wasn't just about pleasing her but also about trying to press her into a position to have to give him oral.

[amarie39]

Like we seem very sexually compatible when we are fooling around. Like I am so sure we would be very good together if we had sex. He has even said we go so well together. When we first got together he told me that he is fine not having sex and he has heard many guys he's been friends with get angry with girls when they won't sleep with them, and he says he isn't one of those guys. He has expressed that he loves sex and is a very sexual person but says he doesn't need it. Like I'm not a prude I would have slept with him. it we were only dating and I want a committed relationship before I just sleep with someone.

 

Like I was held down and felt up by a guy in high school and it kind of scarred me a bit. I had a hard time being close to men for a while after. I told him this and he was so good with it. Very respectful. The whole time we were doing things he kept asking me if he could go further and wanted me to answer with a yes or no because he wanted to be sure. He said he always asks because he wants to be sure before things get out of hand. He would ask me if he could do this or that etc... He was so good.

 

He is a great guy but in the back of my mind....he dated one of my friends a year before this and they only dated a few months but they slept together during this. She has a history of sleeping with guys with no commitment. Well he ended up breaking up with her because he just couldn't see himself with her. I didn't want this to happen to me, but with any guy I'm just not the kind to sleep with them to keep them around without a relationship. My friend is.

 

The oral was his idea. That last post sounds kind of on the money. He told me a story that his ex was a virgin and they had fooled around but he planned this wonderful night for her. He spent a lot of money and rented a limo and a hotel room for her. He wanted it to be wonderful for her. Freaky enough this girl sounds a lot like me and I've seen pics of her and we have like the same face. But anyway, he has hinted to me that I deserve something nice like that and he respects that I haven't been around the block with men. I think he likes it.

 

Later that night he came over my room. I was so happy too see him and wanted to be all over him. He was super depressed. (He has depression, and told me he was feeling this way.) I tried to not let it think it was me because I truly don't think it was. I tried to cheer him up with candy and funny jokes. He seemed to appreciate it. He even invited me back to his room to sleep next to him that night too. He seemed to be in a depressed funk for days after this too.

 

This summer we were talking and flirting on the phone. We are long distance now and kind of together, not together because of the distance. We talk all the time but a relationship for him right now is too hard because of his life at home. Now I think back...what if I had openly slept with him. He would have taken it and I wouldn't have got a relationship. Well back to our phone call...we were flirting and he was telling me to make him cookies. I kept saying no. Then he listed off all this stuff he did for me...the last one he mentioned was how he did "other things" for me. I know he meant that day.

 

Errrrr I'm so confused. I truly don't think I did anything wrong. My best friend and her boyfriend fooled around when they were dating and he did a lot for her before she for him because she had trust issues. They have been together a year not and they are sexually active now. I do think he and I had great sexual chemistry. Maybe I'm just not good at showing my need for him idk...

[white]

You did nothing wrong? I don't think you sound incompatible. Different ends of the spectrum but actually it sounds very compatible. He's very accepting. You could do a lot lot worse and I don't even see how you could do better - if you even found a virgin or inexperienced guy he's probably going to be pushy. This guy doesn't need to be. My only qualm is that now you're long distance I would honestly be surprised if his eye wasn't wandering, if not more than his eye - that is unfortunately what happens in LDR, it isn't fair on either half. Only you know how committed he is.