shvrk Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 My boyfriend, (kinda inbetween stages of our relationship) after about 3 days of no contact, and not seeing each other, we took a trip to San Francisco yesterday. It's about an hour away from where we live so that wasn't a problem for him. We drove up and things we a little bit strange at first, but then we walked around in the mall and things began to become a little better, he started to be more comfortable. We ate then we to get food, and he was talking to me, and then told me that he's having a good time with me... We then went to the beach and we were there for hours just watching the dogs play, and laying together, listening to the waves. There was one point where he would try fingering me, but I told him that I was uncomfortable with it.. so he stopped, but that was fine. We watched the sunset, then went to get dinner, (Just In N Out) and then drove back home. On the ride back I told him that times like this I wish I could spend the night, but it was still too soon. He agreed, and dropped me off at my house, but he seemed to have a hard time with me leaving. He gave me a long hug, and told me goodnight, and kissed my face a few time. I told him goodnight and left. This morning I texted him "Good morning love, I wish I could have woken up next to you." He responded with "I know. Morning." I feel like yesterday was not such a good idea anymore after reading that text, since it was my idea to go to the city. I feel embarrassed that I even sent him the message that I did. I hate this. I know I should have probably waited long but we haven't broken up and I'm sorta impatient.. especially after being with him for 10 months, and being in love. (Yesterday, would be ten months. Wow. I didn't realize it until now.) Could you maybe tell me what you thing about the situation? If you need more details just ask, but once again, I need help.
Mariposa10 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Are you guys having problems and thinking about breaking up? What kind of problems are having?
Author shvrk Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Are you guys having problems and thinking about breaking up? What kind of problems are having? Oh my goodness. Well, we are having problems. We had broken up but then we started immediately on trying to be with each other. I still consider him my boyfriend, (I don't know why) because even after we "broke up" we were hanging out with each other everyday. One day he discovered that I had texted a guy that I had been with in the past, the day after we broke up. I had no intentions of being with the other guy, nor have I heard from him since that day. He's not what I want in my life, even as a friend. My boyfriend seems to not understand that, and he's hurt that I've done it. He started to treat me oddly, so I told him to have some away from me. He really missed me and I missed him, so we went out yesterday.
CarrieT Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 He really missed me and I missed him, so we went out yesterday. Can't have it both ways. You have to struggle through the "missing each other" phase. NC for three days? Not enough. Tell him it is all or nothing and if he says nothing, hold to it and keep no contact. That "missing him" part is the drug you keep going back to and will continue to gnaw at you the more you feed it. 2
Author shvrk Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Can't have it both ways. You have to struggle through the "missing each other" phase. NC for three days? Not enough. Tell him it is all or nothing and if he says nothing, hold to it and keep no contact. That "missing him" part is the drug you keep going back to and will continue to gnaw at you the more you feed it. Very true. I hate that I need to feel this way, but very true.
CarrieT Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I hate that I need to feel this way Trust us when we tell you that you won't always feel this way... Yes, it hurts in the beginning. But unless you honestly and truly can see a positive and happy future for the two of you, the best thing you can do is give yourself the space and time to hurt and heal. Just like any wound, the more you pick at it (i.e., remain in contact), the longer it will take to heal. If you stay in contact, it will continue to scab over and possibly get infected. 1
Author shvrk Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Yes, I'm starting to see it now. When we were hanging out again, he tells me that I treat three days like it's a month, and all it ever does is make things worse. I need to learn to get used to it, I suppose.
BC1980 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Did he break up with you? If so, you have to realize that he is not in the same place as you right now. He probably thought about breaking up for awhile and spend a lot of emotion coming to that decision. So he is in a place where he could not jump right back into a relationship. That's why he made the comment about you treating one day like a month. The dumpee is in a different place emotionally because, many times, it seems blindsided. You can't expect a dumper to just jump back into a relationship right away. That is why most people just cut contact and block the other person. It's too awkward and painful, so it's best just to cut all the stress out and go NC. You situation sounds similar to what I have experienced for the past 4 months. Trust me, it ended in me actually asking for NC, so it wasn't a good idea to do what I did/what you are doing. Trust me when I say that I am also embarrassed to admit that I allow this to go on for 4 months before I finally got the nerve to cut him off. Don't be like me. 1
Author shvrk Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Did he break up with you? If so, you have to realize that he is not in the same place as you right now. He probably thought about breaking up for awhile and spend a lot of emotion coming to that decision. So he is in a place where he could not jump right back into a relationship. That's why he made the comment about you treating one day like a month. The dumpee is in a different place emotionally because, many times, it seems blindsided. You can't expect a dumper to just jump back into a relationship right away. That is why most people just cut contact and block the other person. It's too awkward and painful, so it's best just to cut all the stress out and go NC. You situation sounds similar to what I have experienced for the past 4 months. Trust me, it ended in me actually asking for NC, so it wasn't a good idea to do what I did/what you are doing. Trust me when I say that I am also embarrassed to admit that I allow this to go on for 4 months before I finally got the nerve to cut him off. Don't be like me. I'm the dumper but it feels the total opposite. I'm just scared. We agreed on a few weeks of limited contact (limited because we class together on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays) and I just don't want him to make a decision that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, which at this point, seems very likely. He wants me away so he can trust me, but when I told him "Hey, no girls." jokingly yesterday, he looked odd, like he was actually planning on starting to date other people while we are on our "break" or whatever this is. It's literally sickening. I just need emotional support during all of this, and my friends definitely wouldn't care about this situation. I guess that's why I come here.
Author shvrk Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 I just *sigh* wanted so much with him and more.
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I told him "Hey, no girls." jokingly yesterday, he looked odd, like he was actually planning on starting to date other people while we are on our "break" or whatever this is. It's literally sickening. This is a critical thing. You can't have a "break" and expect a person to remain faithful. In fact, I think "breaks" in a relationship are beyond idiotic. Either you are in a relationship and working towards something more substantial or you are not. The waffling back-and-forth is soul-killing. I would heartily suggest you go from Limited Contact to No Contact. So you guys see each other at class? Do you interact with EVERY person in the class? (I'm guessing probably not...) You can be polite and deferential to each other without addressing the elephant in the room of the failed relationship. But the game-playing of being on a "break" and not moving forward emotionally - either by dating or not - is silly...
BC1980 Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 I agree. You can't go on a break and then tell someone not to see other people. That is a big problem right there. It's not fair to tell someone to wait around, and it will cause resentment in the long run. Breaks are silly to me. I would never consent to that myself.
Author shvrk Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I feel depressed. It's only been a few days, and it's to the point where I feel as if I can't even talk to him when he wants to text me. I'm miserable. I even turn off my phone so I don't jump up every few minutes to see if he's texted me then become upset if he doesn't. Today I kept busy by rearanging my room. I feel a little better because a lot less stuff reminds me off him, but I wish he would be here with me. This feels like a breakup. I only feel like an annoyance when I cry, or tell him that I'm upset, or miserable. I can't just make small talk. I can't. I keep having this horrible feeling that he's going to just leave me. I hate this so much. He's my first love. I don't know guys, maybe I'm just too effed up inside. This hurts so much more than I would have expected it to. And it's only for a few weeks.
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