bentleychic Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 It is not a man thing. I remember all dates. I buy gifts way in advance. I bring home the flowers once a month when I think of her. Almost 20 years and I have never been late...ever. Why do I do this? She is my favorite person...never nags...always happy...when she is sad she tells me right away what is going on and doesn't play mind games...she asks me for what she needs in a calm way and I pay attention because when she is happy, I am happy. She is the best chef in the world, is an excellent Journalist and keeps our home a home...so it is the least I can do to do these things for her because she expects me to respect her and her wants. He is lacking and he needs you to explain to him that this is what makes you happy. If men do not want to do things to make you happy, then they do not respect your feelings. However, you have to communicate these things to them. We do not read minds. Good luck, Grumps Do you have a single brother? She's a very lucky lady! I just want him to do sweet things. Tell me sweet things every once in awhile, come home with some flowers once in awhile. When I do something really nice for him....such as successfully plan a really nice surprise party for him (and nonetheless on a day we were supposed to be celebrating my birthday) brag about me on facebook. Stuff like that. The thing is, you really can't change someone. Some people aren't like that. You either need to deal w/ it or get out. It's been a year and it's already bothering you very much. You need to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. My bf is similar. I'm a gift giver. It's my love language. He's not so much. It doesn't bother me b/c *I* prefer to receive quality time as my love language. 1
fanine Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Have you spoken to him properly about all this though? Dropping hints is not enough. You can say I like flowers to him. That is one thing. He might just think, oh that's nice. But have you actually expressed to him you would like him to give you flowers sometimes, or do little things. Unless he really knows your true feelings he won't think he is doing anything wrong. Communication is the key. Not to tell him in an accusatory way, but to open up to him about this. I'm the type who is straight up. I find that way there is less confusion or simmering resentment.
KungFuJoe Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Op, Listen carefully. He's just not that into you.
Author Brunettie Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Op, Listen carefully. He's just not that into you. I'd have to disagree with you on that one.
todreaminblue Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 At a year and 3 months he should be himself and be willing to do the things eh was willing to do in the first few weeks you got to know him, he should have the same values beliefs and lives th elife he said he lived......there should eb no surprises..... and the guy you fell in love with, he shouldnt change and not be that same guy. where you what the?..if he does or has changed......its a sign....more changes to come........ you shoul feel close to him trust him and know he has your back and he should know you have his....others opinions....irrelevant as they should always be...you knwo him he knows you....and your relationship should feel tight....... it shouldnt be a matter fo what he does for you or doesnt do for you at a year and three months....but how you do things together and if you both are headign for the same goals in life and love and then you face the speedbumps together...whatever they maybe.........if its an honest relationship and you knwo you can be honest with him and he is honest with you....then that is a really good start.......deb
pteromom Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Have you spoken to him properly about all this though? Dropping hints is not enough. You can say I like flowers to him. That is one thing. He might just think, oh that's nice. But have you actually expressed to him you would like him to give you flowers sometimes, or do little things. Unless he really knows your true feelings he won't think he is doing anything wrong. Communication is the key. Not to tell him in an accusatory way, but to open up to him about this. I'm the type who is straight up. I find that way there is less confusion or simmering resentment. This. Saying "I like flowers" is a hint. Some men don't respond well to hints - they need directness. A good way to communicate without coming across as materialistic or naggy is just to give positive reinforcement when he does something sweet. Like when he said he was lucky, you could have said "Awww, it makes me feel so happy when you say that. I love hearing how you feel about me." When he brings you a gift (even if it is last minute), make a big deal out of it. And when you are somewhere that sells flowers, say "Look at those beautiful flowers, hint hint!" with a smile. Unless he's a complete idiot, he'll say "Do you want them?" And you hug him and say "YES!" You can't just have expectations then get angry when he doesn't meet them. You gotta let him know! 1
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