Eternal Sunshine Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I still carry a lot of anger and resentment towards my ex. I don't think of him often, it's more like when I see someone that reminds me of him, I feel very repulsed. The fact that I ever had sex with my ex seems inconceivable. My emotions on other matters and to do with other people seem to be changeable, but this feeling of disgust for my ex is constant. I don''t think this is a huge deal as it doesn't stop me from connecting with others...I just want to let this feeling of anger/hate go. I want to reach complete indifference. Any tips?
mammasita Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I felt that way with one of my exes. He was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2009. I hate saying this because it makes me seem awful, but even in his death I hated him. I hated that people thought he was SO f**king great when I knew better. I guess it's just a matter of letting go. Kind of like when you're in traffic and want to curse at the dumb assess but instead you find a way to accept the fact that you're just stuck and enjoy the moment? NO? ok maybe not exactly that - but similar. I've actually let go and don't think all that badly of him anymore..... 1
carhill Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Any tips? Try accepting the feelings as valid and part of your life experience and history. It's OK to feel repulsed and angry. I've come to find humor in such passing moments and actually laugh out loud sometimes. I still value who I was when I was married and loved my exW. It was a period of my life, now passed into history. Life goes on. If we're lucky, memories are all we have at the end. Make the most of them. Good luck. 2
amaysngrace Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Find something, anything, about the person that has added to your life and be grateful for it. In a way I think being reminded of their yuckiness when seeing similarities in others is a good thing. It's like a signal and serves a purpose. 1
Woggle Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I am still angry towards my ex. She is a big reason I am th way I am. Is don't know my big booty tell you because I still haven't fixed it.
cavalier99 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 My experience is it always ends. It tales a lot of energy to stay angry forever. Cav
Blastoplast Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Find something, anything, about the person that has added to your life and be grateful for it. In a way I think being reminded of their yuckiness when seeing similarities in others is a good thing. It's like a signal and serves a purpose. I like this -- think of the good ways your EX shaped you and hopefully you won't be too bitter (BUT don't think TOO highly of them, for the obvious reasons of course)
It's Just Me Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I like to think of life as one giant adventure. What comes with that are fun experiences, and learning experiences. Learning experiences are the not-so-fun ones, but you keep the memories with you, so that you don't do it all over again. Your ex was a learning experience. A battle scar, if you will. Make a point of spelling out what you learned, clearly, in your mind. Then don't do it again. And be proud of your battle scars. 1
tuxedo cat Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Really the only way to get rid of his ghost is to have another relationship. You can't force yourself to get over somebody by thinking the right thoughts. It sounds good in theory but it doesn't work. You can get over the good memories but the anger seems to be the last emotion to go. I know because I've tried, even went to therapy for it. The only way to really move on from somebody is to bury them under other people. I had the same problem that you did...it took me about three years to get over the residual anger I had for an ex who was similar to yours. What finally worked was having a series of new relationships. It took me not one but two relationships to finally release the anger for good. Flings are only temporary fixes because you never get emotionally invested enough to compete with those old memories. 1
Dolphono Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I still carry a lot of anger and resentment towards my ex. I don't think of him often, it's more like when I see someone that reminds me of him, I feel very repulsed. The fact that I ever had sex with my ex seems inconceivable. My emotions on other matters and to do with other people seem to be changeable, but this feeling of disgust for my ex is constant. I don''t think this is a huge deal as it doesn't stop me from connecting with others...I just want to let this feeling of anger/hate go. I want to reach complete indifference. Any tips? Awh. The classic "Then Line Between Love & Hate". Give it more time, it'll fade away, eventually.
Sugarkane Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I've wondered the same thing. I mean dumpers paint us black and make out everything was our fault.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I felt that way with one of my exes. He was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2009. I hate saying this because it makes me seem awful, but even in his death I hated him. I hated that people thought he was SO f**king great when I knew better. I guess it's just a matter of letting go. Kind of like when you're in traffic and want to curse at the dumb assess but instead you find a way to accept the fact that you're just stuck and enjoy the moment? NO? ok maybe not exactly that - but similar. I've actually let go and don't think all that badly of him anymore..... I feel exactly that. If I saw my ex drowning, I would not help him. I feel like a terrible person but that's the truth. Everyone loves him and thinks he is the greatest guy ever. Behind closed doors I knew better. I think that one bothers me the most. I do hope that one day I wake up and not feel this. We have had zero contact for a long time but the hate is not letting up.
amaysngrace Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Sunshine it isn't healthy to harbor anger. It eats you up from the inside. You really should try to find something positive about him and think of that instead. Even if it is as simple as your new knowledge of what to avoid. "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain You really should find a way to let it go.
Harradin Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Gonna keep an eye on this thread. Have the same problem as you. It's been nearly a year since my ex ran off with a so called friend of mine and it still makes me angry from time to time. But if I knew I could have a hand in making their lives miserable I would go out of my own way to do it. Although I think my anger is down to the fact that when I found out, I chose to cut all contact with both of them and walk away. It feels like they got away with it in a sense. I've always been told that anger/revenge is a self inflicting poison that only affects me, but I do find it hard to get rid of it! I try to exercise whenever I feel that anger to try get away from it which works.
Els Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Anger is a surefire way to give someone who hurt you, even more traction over your life. That's how I mentally work on dissipating anger, at least. I refuse to give people who hurt me, any more control over my life. The best form of revenge is to do well for yourself and live life to the fullest without them. 4
Babolat Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Really the only way to get rid of his ghost is to have another relationship. You can't force yourself to get over somebody by thinking the right thoughts. It sounds good in theory but it doesn't work. You can get over the good memories but the anger seems to be the last emotion to go. I know because I've tried, even went to therapy for it. The only way to really move on from somebody is to bury them under other people. I had the same problem that you did...it took me about three years to get over the residual anger I had for an ex who was similar to yours. What finally worked was having a series of new relationships. It took me not one but two relationships to finally release the anger for good. Flings are only temporary fixes because you never get emotionally invested enough to compete with those old memories. Interesting...this goes against the "work on yourself alone" suggestions we see on here all the time. Are you suggesting a rebound relationship?
mea_M Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Anger is tough sometimes. What do you think it is that makes you feel so angry about him? I'd try to identify the reason first then sort of toss it around in your head a bit, accept it as a lesson learned and move on. No sense in allowing someone rent space in your head. Its time for an eviction. Mea:) 1
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