Kitchen Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 So I just got out of a relationship with my ex-gf who already has a new bf. As if breaking up isn't bad, the thought that she jumped onto a new guy overnight just kills me. I have a million conflicted emotions running through my head. The thought of her being on her knees and giving this guy head makes me want to smash my head against a concrete wall. My question is not the generic "how long will it take to get over it?". But rather, I see some people on here and elsewhere who don't get over their ex's for a year, two years, 5 years, and I think I even read that someone was not over an ex for 10 years!!! In fact, my ex-gf has an ex-bf who has not gotten over her for nearly 4 years. So what are these people doing wrong? Is it possible to NOT get over your ex if you do all the right things for this long amount of a time? Something that gives me anxiety attacks is the thought that I will be under this horrible spell for years and years to come. I'm not going to harm myself, but I really wonder if life is even worth it if you are going to be stuck onto someone for 5-10 years straight. Part of me thinks that I need to do what my ex did and just jump into a new relationship. For reasons I can't go into right now, I know that she was still into me when she started dating him 2 months ago. In fact she was cheating on him with me and was jealous when I would talk about other girls and don't give her attention, etc. But look where she is now! She got herself a bf and is all happy and dandy. Maybe that's the answer. Maybe getting under someone is the best way to get over someone else. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I believe if you 1) Stay 100%, absolute NC and 2) Truly work on yourself and grow emotionally, mentally and physically, you will heal and recover in the least amount of time. How much time? There is no formula. But doing things right will keep it to a minimum. Seems like those who stay locked onto their ex for so long are not doing 1 or 2 or both... Don't use someone else as a rebound to aid in your process. That is not fair. And chances are you are not going to be emotionally available for at least a few months. Just my $.02 2
Philosoraptor Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Most people who remain hung up forever never take their focus off their ex. They check their facebook, keep in contact, and some even sleep with them. To find indifference once must take care of themselves, stop focusing on their ex or the past, and have a true desire to move on. Everyone moves on in their own way. But without the true desire to move on it's just a facade. It may take awhile to want to move on, but if you take care of yourself you'll make it to that point faster. Once you want to move on, you'll find that the process really takes care of itself. 2
hurts2death Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 man i really really feel you.... i also had thoughts of get someone elso to get over her and i also think and afraid that we never get over our exs... my exs ex boyfriend friend requasted me on the first days we were meeting.... such a stupid thing i should open my eyes and see and run.... although i needed it to be...now i am heartbroken miserable weightless man zombie walking stressed out to death....**** i also fear like hell never healing to live my life again ... and my current ex was saying that she broke up with her ex a year back but do i believe her? no ... now no So I just got out of a relationship with my ex-gf who already has a new bf. As if breaking up isn't bad, the thought that she jumped onto a new guy overnight just kills me. I have a million conflicted emotions running through my head. The thought of her being on her knees and giving this guy head makes me want to smash my head against a concrete wall. My question is not the generic "how long will it take to get over it?". But rather, I see some people on here and elsewhere who don't get over their ex's for a year, two years, 5 years, and I think I even read that someone was not over an ex for 10 years!!! In fact, my ex-gf has an ex-bf who has not gotten over her for nearly 4 years. So what are these people doing wrong? Is it possible to NOT get over your ex if you do all the right things for this long amount of a time? Something that gives me anxiety attacks is the thought that I will be under this horrible spell for years and years to come. I'm not going to harm myself, but I really wonder if life is even worth it if you are going to be stuck onto someone for 5-10 years straight. Part of me thinks that I need to do what my ex did and just jump into a new relationship. For reasons I can't go into right now, I know that she was still into me when she started dating him 2 months ago. In fact she was cheating on him with me and was jealous when I would talk about other girls and don't give her attention, etc. But look where she is now! She got herself a bf and is all happy and dandy. Maybe that's the answer. Maybe getting under someone is the best way to get over someone else.
carhill Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 What I noticed over the decades was that once I accepted there was no unfinished business, 'getting over' someone became a much more pleasant and speedy process. It didn't require 'getting under' someone else (or on top of them). Acceptance. Each moment in life is discrete. Past results are no guarantee of future performance. Good luck. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I think that those people have something that's quite off in their lives if they still haven't moved on years later. 2
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