Lansing Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I was out with a girl last night who had in the past "disappeared" so I asked her what was up with that, in as casual a way as I could. She basically said "I don't know".. I think sometimes people don't know why they do things.... the way YOU would handle something is maybe different and you have the right to not associate with people that don't behave a certain way but also think that you can't control other people and just yourself. So, if you get "anxious" by not knowing what other people's motives are and why they are doing certain things than you have the option of isolating yourself or maybe you can train yourself to not "Care" so much and not let it hurt you. Think about why you were SO upset by these people disappearing? Maybe if you had a larger circle of friends if one person didn't respond back to you, then you wouldn't even notice it. I for one feel like I need to work on expanding my circle of friends in general and not be so sensitive to how people act/react. I can relate to where you are coming from but I think there are ways to deal with it internally too.
Author 365daysgone Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Ok. There's no question I put too much hope in people far too early. But it doesn't justify what she did. It doesn't justify people being cruel. Disappearing on some one and blatantly ignoring my messages saying "I haven't heard from you. Is everything ok?", that is unkind. Im concerned something could have happened to her. She just moved to a new city near Toronto. Whether or not I am overly sensitive, she did an unkind thing by disappearing. The fact that I specifically told the second time we had hung out that I seem to attract people that treat me like ****...that makes it worse. If she had stuff going on, simply telling me that she wanted some space is all he needed to say. There isn't much of a reason someone could give that would make ignoring/disappearing acceptable behaviour. It is simply unkind. And then what am I supposed to think when she reappears and is very adamant about not only hanging out, but specifically going to a place that would be difficult for her to travel to? It was too odd for me to not suspect that something was up.
tlegend Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Ok. There's no question I put too much hope in people far too early. But it doesn't justify what she did. It doesn't justify people being cruel. Disappearing on some one and blatantly ignoring my messages saying "I haven't heard from you. Is everything ok?", that is unkind. Im concerned something could have happened to her. She just moved to a new city near Toronto. Whether or not I am overly sensitive, she did an unkind thing by disappearing. The fact that I specifically told the second time we had hung out that I seem to attract people that treat me like ****...that makes it worse. If she had stuff going on, simply telling me that she wanted some space is all he needed to say. There isn't much of a reason someone could give that would make ignoring/disappearing acceptable behaviour. It is simply unkind. And then what am I supposed to think when she reappears and is very adamant about not only hanging out, but specifically going to a place that would be difficult for her to travel to? It was too odd for me to not suspect that something was up. She obviously just tried to get a ride. Your gut was telling you something because normal people do not act that way. They don't contact you out of nowhere for a ride to a bar 40 minutes away and then console you when you still have some unfinished business with her. She doesn't care, but she acts like it. She didn't respond because she didn't care. She didn't give a reason why she stopped talking to you, because it wasn't important to her enough to have a reason. Drop her like a bad habit and move on. She doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe her anything. 2
ascendotum Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) She changed numbers, but its the same as before. Interesting. I agree with the above guy, that she is likely using you for a lift to Toronto. Chances are she needs to do some other stuff there and the go to a bar bit is the part that's supposed to hook you. She ghosted on you for like 6 weeks after ignoring your txts. If she had some sort of anxiety calamity then she could have confessed that to you, but instead you didn't really get any sort of explanation. Maybe a guy she possibly started to date in Sept, recently dropped her and now she thought of you and your kindness and you would be a good option for a trip to Toronto and someone to hang out with in the meantime. I didn't think you needed to send her long texts on being tired of being played by women. You could have gone on the trip with her (got her to buy the drinks as thanks for the lift) but viewing her only as a friend (which you were also happy to have). The thing is though she could likely turn out to be the sort of person that is friendly & sweet when she is lonely or needs a favor but will be busy when you need the same. So you are probably better off not having her in your life. Also with girls you really like in future try to come up with something a little more inspiring than Hi, or Hey or Whatsup. Edited October 24, 2013 by ascendotum
Drdateright12 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I am very happy for you the small little advice I have for you is to keep a good attitude about the situation and those vibes will rub off on her remember you create your own reality!!
Author 365daysgone Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I went back and read my very first post in this thread. Lessons learned from this? Don't believe people are as kind or innocent as they appear. And don't spend money on someone until you have been around them long enough to know their true character. They come in sheeps clothing.
Author 365daysgone Posted December 17, 2013 Author Posted December 17, 2013 UPDATE: So I wasn't even going to post this but figured what the hell. If anyone remembers this thread, they may get a kick out if it. After she reappeared after a month and a half and I had told her off that night there was no contact for two weeks. I was feeling pretty crumby one night and sent her a text asking how she was. She said not good and we had talked. I called her later that night and she suggested I come and hang out the next day (a Saturday). This all happened around the 10th of November but again, I wasn't gonna bother posting it. Anyways, she said she'd text me the next day and she did...at about 9 in the morning. So I drove down to her place and we hung out for a good 7 or 8 hours. She paid for the slot games and paid for dinner. I texted her saying that I had a good time and she said to come by again soon. I didn't text her the next day. The day after that she texts me saying she's bored at school and we talked. She brought up the fact that I got mad over her disappearing and we kept talking and then she just stopped responding. Then two days later at 4:30 in the morning she sends a text saying she can't sleep and ends up responding to the last text from two days prior and like 20 minutes later sends another. Then ends up sending 10 texts between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning talking about a group se had went to. I responded when I woke up and we talked that day and then she stopped responding again. I sent her a text the next day and no response. Then another text a week later and nothing. The last text I sent was the 30th of last month. So she has vanished again... The texts to me make it seem like she is interested in me in some way but yet she disappears again. So bizarre. When we talked she said she was going to the hospital to see a psychiatrist to find out what is wrong with her. She thinks she has some metal health disorder. She is so scattered brained too. Just...weird... After seeing her that last time, I have ZERO interest in dating her. What I once found adorable and attractive about her is now just annoying. Just figured I'd give an update in case this thing gets more bizarre if and when she resurfaces yet again.
Lansing Posted January 2, 2014 Posted January 2, 2014 Just seeing your last update now. I know you say you have no interest in dating her now, but, sometimes you just need to cut people out of your life. If she contacts you again I suggest not responding and blocking her. It doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic. I have no respect for people that just "disappear" like that.
Author 365daysgone Posted January 3, 2014 Author Posted January 3, 2014 Oh I know. So much time has passed that I don't even care for a friendship with her. I've already deleted her number. If she resurfaces, I am going to be telling her that I'm not interested in even knowing her. It's just inconsiderate to always be doing that.
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