pony Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 How do you deal with your boyfriend's female friends if you are not close to them? My boyfriend has some female friends that give me some serious bad vibes. My concerns with two of the girls started when one of them would call him on a random weeknight and ask him if he wanted to hang out. I had met the girls by then, so they both knew that my boyfriend had a girlfriend. Being a suspicious girlfriend, I started to snoop...I occasionally check his text messages and when I'm at rock bottom insecure, I creep the girls on fb. Not proud of this!! lol I do trust my bf, we talk all the time and we're together all the time...but this makes me super paranoid...I start questioning whether I actually CAN trust my boyfriend. I did see a recent picture of one of the girls with my boyfriend and two of his guy friends...she had her arm around my boyfriend's neck and was sitting on another guy's lap. I know that the girls meet up with him and his guy friends when they have get togethers even though my boyfriend tells me it was just a bunch of guys hanging out. My problem with the girls is that they're young and I associate so much of how I used to be when I was their age with the two girls. I remember when some of my girl friends and I were all single, we'd crush on guys all the time, go out and party and drink so much that we didn't realize we were actually drunk so we'd keep drinking...well these girls are like this. Every time I've seen them, they are ALWAYS VERY drunk. One girl had texted my boyfriend saying she had some MDMA...She talks about wanting to hangout with my bf and taking party drugs together. My boyfriend had told me that she had a crush on him in the past but it wasn't like that anymore. Over the course of the summer, I've noticed her texts to my bf...and I'm suspicious of her motives. She texts him things like "lets get waaaasstiii toniiight!" (with all the extra letters... ). I have a few guy friends and I would never text something like that to them. During my party days, if I sent texts like that to a "guy friend" it was because I was drunk and/or because I liked him. I would think that they would think I was flirting with them. I don't know how she acts around my boyfriend, I'm almost never there. Since I don't know how they are together now and now that I know she liked him, I feel like this girl is a serious threat to my relationship! I had a good chat with my boyfriend tonight and it seems like he's agreed that he should include me in some of the get togethers with his friends so that I could get to know these people better and not be so suspicious. This situation makes me feel so catty, but I kind of want to see this girl face to face. Not to confront but to observe her behaviour around my boyfriend as well as her behaviour with me around. I believe that that is more telling than what my boyfriend says about her (when we spoke about her like 9 months ago). To me, she is bad news bears and all I want is to just show how established him and I are, so that maybe she won't bark up the wrong tree. When that time comes, I want to be graceful (I'm not a confrontational person) but I do want her to get the message...I would like to tell her to back off, but without concrete evidence on her personal feelings, I can't just berate her with nothing to prove. How can I stand my ground while still being a lady??
darkmoon Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) channel your inner Grace Kelly, cool and poised, you must act like you and him are well-bonded, so well-bonded that acting like it is second nature, you click real well with minimum effort your boyf is not on if he forces any ordeal on you, he should back you up no berating just a straight cold stare, or a quick talk with her (just say "hands off") if you are worried that the two of them will object in a chorus to a quick talk, tell your boyf first, tell him in a nice cuddly way, no berating ever, my dear Edited September 4, 2013 by darkmoon
TheGuard13 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 She sounds like a textbook attention whore. Attention whores flirt. Attention whores won't care if someone is attached much of the time, either. They tend to just want the attention and the validation.
Maleficent Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 You already stood your ground. You talked about it with your boyfriend and he knows how you feel. It looks to me like he agreed to make sure he does whatever he can to include you. If the girl wants to be a bitch and flirt with your boyfriend even though she knows he's with you, she's the one who looks bad. I think that if they both wanted to be together, then they would be together. What kind of idiot likes a girl who likes him back but dates another one? I don't see the point in pissing all around your boyfriend and show her how 'established' you are is going to change anything also. Your insecurities are your problem. Deal with it. Stop snooping. It's a one-way ticket to singlesville.
sigurpol Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I was worried about how you felt when you snooped, but you said you weren't proud of it, so that's good. I wouldn't make that a habit, but I'm sure you already know that. I have a few 'girl' friends like this as well and it's always tricky when I meet new people or seeing someone new. However! These friends of mine know when to tone it down when I have someone around and they become a little more respectable and legitimately want to get to know the girl I'm seeing. Not that they aren't respectable people to begin with, but you catch my drift. In addition, I do get texts from them with things like, "LETS GET F**** UP TONIGHT!" but it's meant to be ironic. There was one girl I was with on and off for years and she developed a paranoid personality overtime. It sucked because I wanted things to iron out and have a understanding between each other. But instead, she was snooping on me and putting me on trial. It became difficult. Eventually she accused me of sleeping with one of these girls and I lost my temper and barked back at her about it. There has never been any previous hookups or attractions with any of these people, we're very close and actually, quite protective of one another. Don't think that I'm saying this is you, I'm only giving a perspective. This friend of his seems to have a bit of a loose personality, but I don't know her. I think it's a good idea to go out with his gang, see this person IN person, and hopefully that will hush the situation and your suspicions. See how he acts with her and you around, you know?
ChessPieceFace Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 lol I do trust my bf No, you don't. It's not about other women, it's about your ability to trust, and your bf's trustworthiness. To some extent, it's also about his judgment. Being drunk around flirtatious women who are texting him is terrible judgment. I guess I don't understand that since I don't drink. I am always in control. If I messed around with a flirtatious girl that would be my choice and my fault. In his case, maybe it's time to stop getting wasted when his gf isn't around. 1
93TheHitStick Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Your tripping. I never understood why people tried to control there partners. If hes gonna cheat on you, you acting like a private investigator all the time won't stop him. Let him do whatever he wants to do. And if hes gonna cheat then let him. You breathing down his neck all the time isn't gonna stop that just make him hide it better. My girlfriend has a buttload of guy friends. Some are straight. Shes goes to house parties at there houses and spends the night and i don't get invited. She frequently goes on "dates" with one of them so they can catch up. Whenever we get in arguments she runs to go call him. But i don't care. Not even a little bit. Cuz if she is cheating me trying to stalk her isn't gonna make her stop.
kaylan Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) As long as he doesnt go out partying and taking drugs with that girl then things are ok. Id trust him for now, but def not the girl. Whenever a girl wanted me to hang out, party, and get wasted, she had a thing for me. Make sure your bf knows what your boundaries are, and if he crosses them, dont be afraid to let him know youre upset. And dont be afraid to bail on him either. Btw, how old are all of you? Im guessing college aged at the oldest. Because partying a lot, drinking, and doing drugs was something I saw a lot of in my teens and early 20s. The frequency of all that toned down as everyone around me got older. Im almost 27 myself. Edited September 5, 2013 by kaylan
todreaminblue Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 its hard to remain poised and channel grace under fire...it can be done there's no use getting catty from what i know that just makes it possible then fro her to think what a biatch im gonna play and have some fun....becomes a challenge to eb spiteful and mess around with you what i have found is if you amp up your charm....smile that thousand watt smile........and be friendly......when you do eventually meet....you might be able to get her to back off.....trust your boyfriend and even if you dont feel confident around her, project it....... you catch more flies with honey........be nice...there's no reason for you to lower yourself because she might.....if your boyfriend said he wants you to hang out with him when these girls are around....you can trust him..use that trust you have for him to feel confident .. i knew of oen girl who was after my ex when i was with him....but after meeting me....said that she couldnt do it...he had been flirting with her apparently we werent together from his perspective...news to me............i was just friendly with her...and she opened up to me.....i didnt do anything else.. ...deb 1
phineas Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) As long as he doesnt go out partying and taking drugs with that girl then things are ok. Id trust him for now, but def not the girl. Whenever a girl wanted me to hang out, party, and get wasted, she had a thing for me. Or she knew I had a thing for her & was broke. LOL! Also, some women are possessive with their guy friends. Usually it's women that don't want a BF at the time & their guy friends are a steady source of attention & when they get a GF that attention tends to dry up. If he hasn't banged her in the past, chances he will bang her now are fairly slim to none unless he has a secret crush on her. I personally have cut women from my life if they caused any friction between me & someone I was dating. As long as it just wasn't the woman I was with's own insecurities because she thought my chick friends were hotter than her. Edited September 5, 2013 by phineas
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