David-H Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I am sat writing this in need of help before I go crazy as I am in the middle of the most complicated relationship and don't know what to do as I feel she is now unsure about it and I am sick scared it will end. I'll try to break it down real quick for everyone. It's long distance, I'm from Ireland she is from eastern europe, met her two months ago and have visited her in her country once a few weeks ago for a week and I'm back over again right now for another 12 days. Her family are quite wealthy and I have savings so the idea of one of us moving (probably me) to the other country for a number of months to see if it can work long term is possible. So that's the complicated part now the impossible part... She is so complex I can't explain but I just cannot figure out whether she is into me or not and although people say I'm a good looking guy I am so insecure and the fact this girl is amazingly gorgeous just massively dents my confidence even more to the point I feel sick about the situation and can't be myself or feel comfortable in the relationship. She blows hot and cold on a massive scale, as I said she is very hard to understand in that she is very difficult and can be really cold to me, but so upfront and honest. Last night she told me on one hand we have a great connection but the other she doesn't think I understand her fully and I think she is now unsure whether we will work out. On the other hand she, especially when we are alone at home, she seems so into me and loved up and this is just making my head spin. She has said she is sometimes cold because she is scared of gaining lots of feelings for me but also because she isn't sure about the situation. But she also is introducing me to friends, taking me to a friends wedding on saturday but since last night I just don't know how she feels and am gutted thinking about losing her. I am trying my best to lock up all my feelings because I am truly head over heels for the girl and have more feelings for her than anyone else I have ever been with. So this indecision on her part is making me feel like we have almost broke up already, I couldn't sleep last night, feel sick and so sad about the situation. Can you see how sad and pathetic this girl is making me!! She works through the day and I am left to just sit and wait around until I see her at night. She is soooo laid back and doesn't seem most of the time like she gives a crap about me but she has told me she comes across like this and like I say when we are alone this can change so dramatically. She is also so ridiculously self confident and sure about herself. I get the feeling if it ended she would not be bothered but I would be so sick about it the thought makes me ill. I don't think I am expecting any life changing advice but I just need some help and advise from people as I'm stuck out here alone and don't want to be feeling this way at all but afraid if I say anything to her I'll just push her away even more.
Grumpybutfun Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 David: Do not let your insecurity get in the way of having a connection with her. Your only problem here is your insecurity. You are making problems where there is none. She told you she was cold because she doesn't want to get hurt. Many people can appear to be secure and confident and not be on the inside. She is probably feeling your anxiety and is reacting in kind. Also, LDR can be very hard to maintain anyway. You say she works during the day. Get a job during the day and you will not be so focused on her. You are obsessing because you have too much free time on your hands to think. Get busy with your own life...get a job, get some hobbies or volunteer to help with people less fortunate than you. Insecurity can be a huge turn off so tell yourself that if she didn't want to be with you, she is attractive enough that she wouldn't be and thank your luck that she likes you. Now, go have fun and stop living in your head. Good luck, Grumps 2
Author David-H Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Thanks Grumps! You are right I know it's my insecurity that is the problem and I need to stop it but its difficult when she doesn't give me confidence that she likes me as much. I need to just accept that if it fails I can move on and it will not be the end of the world and stop obsessing that I will have lost something that I think I will never find again. We had a good open talk last night about things and she said her main problem is that she feels I am not open with her and she doesn't feel like I am being myself, which is making her not understand me and not feel comfortable all the time around me. But she has admitted to playing games and acting funny sometimes to see how I react and if I can deal with that side of her. Which really is not very cool is it? I obviously said she can not be doing that if she wants me to be myself. I think this again is obviously down to me being so nervous and holding back around her so I guess now I need to just relax, stop being afraid to open up in the fear she may not like me and give that a shot. If she doesn't like who I am, which is a down to earth, happy, sometimes stupid and nice person then what can I do. I've been so afraid to open up completely because I like her so much and almost feel like I've been scared to move in any way in fear of her going off me. I want it to work so badly but if she doesn't like me now then I suppose she never will. Just feel like the next few days will tip it one way or the other, she will become more settled and start showing more affection for me or it will be a case of she doesn't feel comfortable and thinks it will not work. I just hope it works out. If anyone has any thoughts on my minor meltdown it will be greatly appreciated.
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