Girlfriend friends with ex. A problem?

[CT98]

Hi all,

 

So, me and my girlfriend have been together for about 18 months.

 

She dumped her ex about two years ago, and he has ALWAYS wanted her back.

 

We both knew him, although I wouldn't say he was a friend of mine, just someone I would say hello to.

 

My girlfriend has never had any contact with him for the majority of our relationship, and this suited me fine, I didn't feel the need for them to remain friends and in my mind it could only cause trouble between us.

 

Recently my girlfriend re-added him on Facebook and sometimes sees him on night's out. I am not sure whether they text or talk on the phone.

 

When I asked her why she re-added him, she told me that it's because she is over their relatioship and sees no problem with beinbg friends. This I would be OK with, but I am pretty sure that he still has feelings for, and would get back with her in an instant; this makes me uncomfortable, and I think that's understandable.

 

When I asked her if she thinks he still has feelings for her she told me she 'doesn't know, and doesn't care.'

 

This I find annoying because it is so obvious that he does. I don't know whether she is just being naive or is lying to me and likes the added attention she gets from him.

 

I'm not in contact with my ex, and if I was, and my girlfriend didn't like it, I would stop contact immediatly, because I want our relationship to flourish.

 

She knows I have a problem with them being 'friends' but won't stop. Whenever I try to bring it up I get accused of being jealous and possessive.

 

My main issue is that they haven't spoken or been friends for the majority of our relationship, so why now? What possible good can it bring? Especially when he still wants her.

 

Am I being unreasonable here?

 

Anyone been in the same boat? I don't want to be a jealous boyfriend, because I know the damage it can cause. But their relationship makes me feel uneasy.

[HarleyBrown2]

Dude I've been in the exact same boat, my ex (recently broke up after 15 months) was in contact with her ex at the beginning of the relationship, I believed that she had moved on and wasnt going back, but I knew the ex hadnt and that bothered me... I told her I couldn't deal with the ex on the scene so she needed to pick... So she cut her out of her life, the problem is my ex needed validation/attention from others, which I later found out, so when it wasnt her ex, she would text/flirt with some else who gave her attention... She was always faithful, but she needed this attention from others (low self esteem/insecure) which ultimately broke us up cos I couldn't handle being with a cake eater... But for you I wouldn't be happy with the ex on the scene!

[todreaminblue]

You are uneasy ....uncomfortable...... and insecure if she loves you she will want you to feel...happy....secure......comfortable...she will let him go if she loves you adn have no contact......if she had kids to him it would be different.sounds liek she doesnt so it should be easy for her to unfriend him and go no contact.....seeing him out and about at night....a mistake waiting to happen....thats a no no.deb

[PR08]

When I asked her why she re-added him, she told me that it's because she is over their relatioship and sees no problem with beinbg friends. She knows I have a problem with them being 'friends' but won't stop. Whenever I try to bring it up I get accused of being jealous and possessive.

 

End it now.

 

I'm deadly serious. End it now.

 

She doesn't respect you, and it's all downhill from here. She's already talking to him about how jealous you're getting for asking about him, and you're now their private in-joke. It's only a short trip down to 'he's not as good as you' and then it's 'let's meet up'.

 

Get out.