Omei Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Going into 6 month Nc, I hardly cry anymore but I am today I hate him so much for giving up on us for saying things like "I want us to work" but leaving it all up to me never lifting a finger I hate how he's the one that left, It should of been me I wish that I had fallen out of love not him I was the one giving my damnest to everything I should of been the one to fall out. I hate how happy he probably is right now "everything is a lot easier in my life this way" hate that hate when he said that he was never a thing in my life that was making it uneasy. Sometimes I daydream about his house going on fire. Or I so daydream of him begging me back saying oh im so sorry, and telling him to hit the road oh god that would feel so good. I hope one day he dates someone then when it's over tries to contact me and I can say "sorry dude I guess she didn't want to try just like you once, but im not in your life and I dont care about it" that would be awesome. One thing I am annoyed with men in general, now that im single they flirt try to be sexual and what not, ugh I just don't care. I want to be cared for deeply I dont give 2 hoots if you're feeling horny man, talking to guys is the worst a lot of them say a lot of crap and nothing meaningful im just ranting on and on. Just how I feel at this moment I know I'll care much less tomorrow just posting dont really talk to people about it anymore in life its old news. Edited September 4, 2013 by Omei 4
Author Omei Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Welcome to the anger stage... X I quite like the anger stage, it makes everything MUCH easier. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Going into 6 month Nc, I hardly cry anymore but I am today I hate him so much for giving up on us for saying things like "I want us to work" but leaving it all up to me never lifting a finger I hate how he's the one that left, It should of been me I wish that I had fallen out of love not him I was the one giving my damnest to everything I should of been the one to fall out. I feel this way too. I carried our RS. She did very little. And then leaves me behind. I too am angry!! One thing I like to think about is how she will most likely continue her pattern and jump from one RS to another, never truly finding love or happiness. She just uses up the Honeymoon Stage, and then on to the next. Never wants to put in any work...
Heartbroken Eagle Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) I've been in the anger stage for over 4 months now and if anything the hate is getting stronger. I have LC with my ex because we have a 7 year old son, but when I see her I'm very sharp with her and seeing her repulses me. I'm angry with her mainly for the fact I now only see my son once every other weekend. Also despite the fact I was willing to forgive her for cheating on me, she was not prepared to fight to save us or the family. l guess I'm also angry that she is apparently blissfully happy with boyfriend no 2 of who is about to move into the house we once shared whilst I'm still hurting from the BU. She has only been with him for 3 months and we were together for 12 years. Finally I'm angry with myself for putting up with all the lies and BS over the years but ignoring them, mainly for the sakes of my son, when she blatantly had no respect for me. That's hard to accept. Edited September 4, 2013 by Heartbroken Eagle grammar
Author Omei Posted September 7, 2013 Author Posted September 7, 2013 I've been in the anger stage for over 4 months now and if anything the hate is getting stronger. I have LC with my ex because we have a 7 year old son, but when I see her I'm very sharp with her and seeing her repulses me. I'm angry with her mainly for the fact I now only see my son once every other weekend. Also despite the fact I was willing to forgive her for cheating on me, she was not prepared to fight to save us or the family. l guess I'm also angry that she is apparently blissfully happy with boyfriend no 2 of who is about to move into the house we once shared whilst I'm still hurting from the BU. She has only been with him for 3 months and we were together for 12 years. Finally I'm angry with myself for putting up with all the lies and BS over the years but ignoring them, mainly for the sakes of my son, when she blatantly had no respect for me. That's hard to accept. Thats a sad story so long such a shame :'(
StalwartMind Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 I think we are all guilty to some degree, to have bad and negative thoughts towards someone or something that hurts us in life. It's only natural, even if in general I do believe spending too much time on any negative/cruel/bad thought only makes us more miserable. In regards to men being flirty and trying to be sexual and what not, if you are going out to clubs, bars wherever then meeting such is to be expected, regardless of how annoying it can be. I naturally can't tell you what men to approach, and I don't judge anyone on what requirements they have to a partner/friend as we are all incredibly different. I much like you and I bet many other people in this world (even though it can at times feel like they are few) crave conversations, relationships that are meaningful. It feels amazing to care for someone (even something) because it lets us be passionate. I'm passionate about many things and it's what drives me. I guess that even if it's been mentioned many times before, sometimes you need to look in other places for the people you have a higher chance of feeling more connected with. Also at Heartbroken Eagle, much like Omei, it's a tough as situation and it's hard not to have such thoughts and feelings, and to actually turn something bad into something good. I believe that the reason that you, and anyone whom experience a heart break actually do feel these intense angry feelings, is because you are all people that actually do care. While it may not mend a heart I personally value that quality in anyone, and don't change that ever, because we need more men and women that do.
Author Omei Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 The longer I keep being by myself the more I like it, I find the thought of having a bf a insane amount of work I dont want to deal with. 1
silly in love Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Oh ,I can feel you.I hate everything about him.all the lies and s****.Investing so much of my time and energy for yrs for a brick wall,yet heard you know what I dnt have passion other things so great.!!!WTF!!!!Sometimes I wish something horrible happens to him.Sometimes I pray for him.I have become broken tape ,repeating his cruel brutal words to myself.As much as Im happy he told me that he lost some kind of feelings and was honest ,I wish he would care abit to work on the relationship for someone he thinks he loves and care. At the end I think one day SOON I wont be angry anymore and will be able to wish him best of luck cuz if it was true love,I should be able to do that.Hang in there we will be fine.xx
keepontruckin Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Omei, you talk. You rant. This is the place to do it. The few friends I have don't want to hear our crap. Work doesn't wan't to hear our crap. Our ex's don't want to hear our crap:laugh: It does get easier, but letting go is so, so hard. I know...
Heartbroken Eagle Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Hi again folks... I've looked back on my earlier posts and realised I have a lot of hate in my system, but then I have never had so much pain, hence at times I have really struggled. Thanks to LS for allowing me to vent my true feelings!!! I'm still a bit of a lost soul at times,enjoying my freedom but missing the companionship of a partner. However I know I'm not ready for a relationship for a while yet. I will be there eventually, better for this 'experience'.
Heartbroken Eagle Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 And Omei, not all blokes are after 'one thing' I can assure you. You will find that decent guy soon, they are out there, just don't give up the faith...
Author Omei Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 And Omei, not all blokes are after 'one thing' I can assure you. You will find that decent guy soon, they are out there, just don't give up the faith... But see he was my decent guy, when I met him you always *think* they're decent guys when its all honeymoony. I can feel myself filling up with hate this week has been harder I have been thinking about him a lot, crying more often when I didn't at all. I hate how I was so good to him I did my best the best I could do I feel like I did everything I could, he wouldn't not anymore I don't know why suddenly I wasn't worth trying for!! I hate his family and his friends A LOT they put judgment on me as bad for him because I guess he never said anything NICE about me but all I did was nice things, He would tell them about every fight. When I was around his family and friends would make NO EFFORT to know me, I was in his life for 5 years, his family saw me twice and only the mother would speak to me. And his friends wouldn't meet me just 1 friend and only once. My family welcomed him my friends welcomed him they accepted him and brought him to family occasions they really tried, I didn't tell them about our fights or when anything was wrong I painted a nice picture for them. He NEVER wanted to talk out any issues he had his way of dealing was "If I don't complain it will go away and things will change but I have to not complain first" That makes no sense! that was just a shut up ploy to not have to listen to me. I miss him I miss the good things we had we had SO MANY good things and he never saw it. I don't understand why all of a sudden right now im so weak again. I am so so angry! I want him to feel what I feel its not fair I think I am getting lonely.
keepontruckin Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 You're lonely, sad and angry. I have been there. Still sort of am, but in time you will see the bright side of things... You will see that. You will see that everything good you did wasn't a waste of time. It wasn't a waste, because that good was in your character. And a good character cannot be wasted... You will eventually release yourself from the anger, because you will realize anger isn't fair to you, nor is it fair to him. What you will eventually realize is, is that you two had compatibility issues... It's really nothing more than that, and unfortunately one partner didn't want to put in much work (your ex)...
Author Omei Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 There's a huge part of me that just wants revenge. I daydream a lot about dumping him when I knew he didn't care I have no idea why I kept going I knew it a long time ago. There is so much I have learned tho most def. That I wont allow myself to do in the future.
Author Omei Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Now I feel hopeful and excited for love and stopped crying and am totally okay again 15 mins later. This is so ****ed up!
keepontruckin Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 We can learn all we want. You know eventually you'll find someone else that's kinda sorta similar;)
keepontruckin Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Look at it this way... My wife was pretty good looking... Men could easily stroke their pee-pee's to visions of her, and I'm not joking. Towards the end I did neglect her somewhat, but as everything goes, it does take two to make a marriage, and it takes two to break a marriage. Once things went poopy, I was willing to fix things. She wasn't. As good as she was, and as bad as I am, we did get married. I will eventually find someone else that will possibly stay five years (or more hopefully) with me again! We all did it before, and we'll do it again!
Heartbroken Eagle Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Lonely, sad and angry, that's an accurate description of me at the moment. I've actually got worse in the last few weeks at the 6 months from Break Up stage. Don't understand why. I had a moment last night when I had a civilised chat with my ex, mainly about our son but we managed to even crack a joke and laughed together. It was good to hear her laugh again and for the first time since BU I started to have positive feelings towards her, and dare I say it I missed the old her. However, I swiftly reminded myself of how she treated me with all the lies and the cheating. I also remembered that she will be in our old bed in the arms of another man that night. Tears came back again!! However, I still believe that the 'One' is still out there. That is the hope I have. I'm just not ready to look for her yet. This is really doing my head in!!!
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