joe86 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 ".....Even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on." Is this true? Yes! That describes my behaviour in a relationship exactly. This may also be why I'm always the dumpee unless its mutual!
Author L1ght Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Not always true. Sometimes people make stupid, rash decisions. My ex dumped me and went straight to another woman. He has since regretted it. I think sometimes in the end it's themselves they screw over the most. I can't help but doubt the value of working things out. You can't make someone care. I think in the future I wont bother working things out. I am one of those people who doesnt want to leave until I've put in a good fight. Why bother when the other person just leaves? Maybe I should just let the relationship fail then move on to the next, like they do. "Stupid rash decisions".......yet another factor we have to take into consideration when we put our heart and soul into the hands of another human being. Its such a fine line we walk in a real relationship isn't it? The scales can be tipped in one extreme direction so easily sometimes but that's the price we pay when we put our faith in another soul. The thing is if we don't "give ourselves" to them emotionally, mentally, spiritually or whatever then we won't get hurt but its not real love unless we do......that's the risk right there. We risk it because love is worth it even if it only lasts for a while which is always the case until we meet someone who we will spend the rest of our lives with. Judging by these forums finding that special person is something that hardly anybody ever gets to do.
Author L1ght Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Im defiantly a fighter! In my last serious relationship, he had an affair that lasted 6 months. It happened on our 10 year anniversary and just when we found out we were expecting our 3rd child. I was devastated! I tried for the last 4 years. But I could't get past it. Now, I am struggling with why this new guy walked. He was the only that I trusted since. I fell for him hard. He knew about my ex having the affair. I thought he understood. Because of my insecurities and low self-esteem, I ended up saying some stupid things via email and he walked. No second chance. It felt like everything was perfect. So, ya, I guess some don't want to fight because there are a lot of other girls out there or some of us are not worth fighting for. Either way, it hurts like hell. Especially when I am a huge fighter and don't believe on giving up. Love would be so easy if we could predict the behaviour of our partners with complete accuracy but the truth is we never can and that's why things gets so complex in the trying times. I feel your pain....its that disbelief that someone who you thought understood could walk away. It gets easier to deal with though...the way I look at it now is that how could you trust that person ever again? They left you alone when you needed them to prove they would be there for you. There's no coming back from that. Eventually you will realise that you are better off without someone who could leave you feeling so vulnerable and empty. 2
Salvatore85 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I fought my ass off for my ex while we were together. I gave the relationship absolutely everything I had but she broke it off anyway. Over 5 years down the drain. At the end of the day though I consider it her loss. I didn't do the begging and the pleading because I felt like I worked far too hard to save our relationship to allow her the chance to embarrass me on top of dumping me. If you give it all you have and they still walk away you'd be foolish not to let them go, they don't deserve you.
Misfortune Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 "The ones who love you will never leave you until they find someone else" <--- Adjusted for today's disposable/replaceable society. Everything is a fad, even love aka infatuation. People meet someone for 5 mins and they're "in love". A few months down the line, they're "in love" with someone else and no1 else can understand their feelings. It doesn't make sense to me, maybe I'm missing something. You're suppose to have a stronger bond with your mate than you do with your friends IMO, yet people will end LTR relationships at the drop of a dime but wouldn't do the same to friendships. I've seen some people get treated like absolute crap by their "friends/bestfriends", have arguments galore and work through their issues. When it comes to intimate relationships, these things seem to be over with the first disagreement. He/she doesn't like the shows I like, done. What kind of bond is that? People in today's world, "love" with their eyes/genitals. 6
Author L1ght Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 "The ones who love you will never leave you until they find someone else" <--- Adjusted for today's disposable/replaceable society. Everything is a fad, even love aka infatuation. People meet someone for 5 mins and they're "in love". A few months down the line, they're "in love" with someone else and no1 else can understand their feelings. It doesn't make sense to me, maybe I'm missing something. You're suppose to have a stronger bond with your mate than you do with your friends IMO, yet people will end LTR relationships at the drop of a dime but wouldn't do the same to friendships. I've seen some people get treated like absolute crap by their "friends/bestfriends", have arguments galore and work through their issues. When it comes to intimate relationships, these things seem to be over with the first disagreement. He/she doesn't like the shows I like, done. What kind of bond is that? People in today's world, "love" with their eyes/genitals. Yeah...I'm a believer that if someone becomes distant in a relationship then its most probably a sign that they are seeking attention somewhere else. That's a good time to put the pressure on them and question their commitment before you get burnt. This philosophy has saved me a few times in the last 10 years. My last serious relationship wasn't like that though....there was no distant feeling. We reached a breaking point and something snapped. Did she leave when she still loved me? I think so but a year has passed since I spoke with her so she could be with anyone by now. I've been with other women since but it was meaningless and empty so I left before I hurt them which would have happened if I pretended I could give them something I couldn't. Interesting comparison between friends and lovers. Friends bonds would seem to be stronger but then again a lovers bond faces more extreme tensions and compressions. The intimacy we share with friends is not in the same league as the intimacy we share with lovers. That's the difference I guess.
hotpotato Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Yes! That describes my behaviour in a relationship exactly. This may also be why I'm always the dumpee unless its mutual! Me,too. I always hang on to the bitter end. Why is it that people like us can't find each other? Is it something in us that seeks out our opposite?
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Me,too. I always hang on to the bitter end. Why is it that people like us can't find each other? Is it something in us that seeks out our opposite? Probably not most people aren't alike enough to be the same in a relationship. Some in fact most are quitters where as I am in it till the end and then some. I think we just love harder, fight harder and when it all comes crashing down we tend to fall harder too xx
Author L1ght Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) Probably not most people aren't alike enough to be the same in a relationship. Some in fact most are quitters where as I am in it till the end and then some. I think we just love harder, fight harder and when it all comes crashing down we tend to fall harder too xx I only fight harder if I'm really into them. I've been in love twice in my 31 years. I got dumped both of those times. Pretty much all of the other ones except a few I was the dumper cos I didn't care enough to fight for anything. That's why it makes me question if the dumper could ever really dump someone they love. I know I couldn't....Maybe when we get dumped its the truest sign that somebody doesn't love us even if we somehow inside of us feel like they do. P.S. When I say "love" I mean as deep as it can get. Obviously Ive had other relationships that were very intimate but I only class 2 of them in a category that was above and beyond any of the others I have had Edited September 5, 2013 by L1ght
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I only fight harder if I'm really into them. I've been in love twice in my 31 years. I got dumped both of those times. Pretty much all of the other ones except a few I was the dumper cos I didn't care enough to fight for anything. That's why it makes me question if the dumper could ever really dump someone they love. I know I couldn't....Maybe when we get dumped its the truest sign that somebody doesn't love us even if we somehow inside of us feel like they do. P.S. When I say "love" I mean as deep as it can get. Obviously Ive had other relationships that were very intimate but I only class 2 of them in a category that was above and beyond any of the others I have had I think love is given freely these days. Someone can say I love you and be in lust either mistaken or not. Other times its LOVE x
Author L1ght Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I think love is given freely these days. Someone can say I love you and be in lust either mistaken or not. Other times its LOVE x yeah it is given out too easily. I've been in a few myself where they word was thrown around too early and we both knew it didn't mean anything. That's ok I guess as long as there's an understanding....the problem comes when one person says it and they think it means more than it does to the other person.....recipe for disaster.
hotpotato Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Probably not most people aren't alike enough to be the same in a relationship. Some in fact most are quitters where as I am in it till the end and then some. I think we just love harder, fight harder and when it all comes crashing down we tend to fall harder too xx Hmm..I think they can sense we care. They know we wont up and leave like they will. I think they are very comfortable that we will stick around.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Hmm..I think they can sense we care. They know we wont up and leave like they will. I think they are very comfortable that we will stick around. That's quite possible especially where you've previously had issues and you haven't given in and said f*ck it. It's like once they have you, they can push their luck and they know you'll fight to resolve it. I know that's the case with my ex, he dumped me because I won't allow him to make a fool of our relationship. Although it was enlightening to see that after a tiff over the same subject he just assumed we were over and joined match.com... That's love eh:laugh::laugh:
.thumb.jpg.ca08aa2112fc60f13a47bfa89ae8be6c.jpg)
Recommended Posts