L1ght Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 ".....Even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on." Is this true? Do people believe this or have they actually dumped/left/crushed/(broken the heart of) someone they truly loved? Personally I have never dumped the women I have loved but have dumped the women who I didn't allow myself to fall for. What do you guys think? if anyone has ever left the person they loved then what made you do it?
Lei Ping Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Yes. Usually all it takes is a restraining order. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 ".....Even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on." Is this true? Do people believe this or have they actually dumped/left/crushed/(broken the heart of) someone they truly loved? Personally I have never dumped the women I have loved but have dumped the women who I didn't allow myself to fall for. What do you guys think? if anyone has ever left the person they loved then what made you do it? I think that Is old fashioned love. People today give in far too easily. They have an arguement and its just done and finished rather than sort out the issue and move on. There are far too many women/men to replace your love with. It makes it easy for them to walk away. Is it right? Nope I am a fighter, I fight for those I love. But you can't fight someone whose not willing to fight back to save your relationship. 9
todreaminblue Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 what mummy jonno said is so true , you cant fight if its only you fighting that happened to me i fought and fought to save my relationship many times....the last time was it for me fought for so long and so hard didnt think i would ever give up............i let go......i am a fighter too but never like that again.....not against infidelity and deceit will i fight i will let go quick clean and fast.......got my fingers burned forgiving a cheat........its not something i want on repeat for me...so you can love someone...but when you know that person doesnt love you or care for you the way you care and love them ..its time to say goodbye, thats the reason you quit..i always give my best shot in a fight.....but i wont fight unless i know that person feels the same and wants to put effort in.................deb 5
Author L1ght Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 I think that Is old fashioned love. People today give in far too easily. They have an arguement and its just done and finished rather than sort out the issue and move on. There are far too many women/men to replace your love with. It makes it easy for them to walk away. Is it right? Nope I am a fighter, I fight for those I love. But you can't fight someone whose not willing to fight back to save your relationship. Yeah that rings true. People giving up and quitting after one fight too many for them. I'm a fighter too so I know exactly what you're talking about....just cos things get heated sometimes doesn't mean the relationship needs to be thrown out of the window but I guess some people just don't realise that. Through it all I never felt like giving up no matter how heated things got. Maybe the ones who quit feel like love cant be possible if people fight? Idk but its definitely something I will be more aware of if I end up in another intense relationship anytime soon. 1
Author L1ght Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 what mummy jonno said is so true , you cant fight if its only you fighting that happened to me i fought and fought to save my relationship many times....the last time was it for me fought for so long and so hard didnt think i would ever give up............i let go......i am a fighter too but never like that again.....not against infidelity and deceit will i fight i will let go quick clean and fast.......got my fingers burned forgiving a cheat........its not something i want on repeat for me...so you can love someone...but when you know that person doesnt love you or care for you the way you care and love them ..its time to say goodbye, thats the reason you quit..i always give my best shot in a fight.....but i wont fight unless i know that person feels the same and wants to put effort in.................deb Yeah you can't stay with someone when they cheat on you. I think that's definitely a time to draw a line even if you love them cos they certainly don't love you. I also agree that a person should leave if they feel like they aren't being loved and cared about period. The baffling thing is when someone leaves even if you are 100% sure they love you....I really don't get it. People like that have a breaking point and once they reach it they just decide to give up on everything. I'm certainly not one of those people and never will be.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Yeah that rings true. People giving up and quitting after one fight too many for them. I'm a fighter too so I know exactly what you're talking about....just cos things get heated sometimes doesn't mean the relationship needs to be thrown out of the window but I guess some people just don't realise that. Through it all I never felt like giving up no matter how heated things got. Maybe the ones who quit feel like love cant be possible if people fight? Idk but its definitely something I will be more aware of if I end up in another intense relationship anytime soon. Exactly I used to say to my ex I hate fighting with you. We may have different opinions on something's and it may get heated. But I wouldn't argue with you if I didn't love you. I would just walk right out of your life and never look back (which consequently he did recently after our despute) I would still today rather fight with him than anyone else. Edited September 4, 2013 by mummyjonno Spelling
todreaminblue Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 The baffling thing is when someone leaves even if you are 100% sure they love you....I really don't get it. People like that have a breaking point and once they reach it they just decide to give up on everything. I'm certainly not one of those people and never will be. i actually do get it maybe that 100 per cent love wasnt reciprocated or equal so they had to go ...you just never know what motivates people to leave...thats how i get it....... most of the time if a person 100 per cent knows they love someone,when they leave.... there's no happiness to walk away, in fact it would be conflicting and feel wrong...like beating themselves up almost....... its more likely to be purely out of necessity that they need to walk away and it would probably be really hard to walk away .. with a heart that wants what it wants.......and i know that it is hard to walk away feels unnatural ......sometimes you cant always have what you want though....and that issomething i am used to dealing with....deb
KCCK Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 It is very hard to find someone who really truly loves a person nowadays due to infidelity and GIGS.. I have friends who can have strong long distance relationship and that guy can even miss her gf's graduation ceremony and yet they are still strong.. I have another friend who got dump after 2 years by his gf for a guy that girl just met for 2 weeks at work.. thus if the person truly loves one another, they will last... distance can be measured but love cannot be measured and love will beat distance... =) 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 It is very hard to find someone who really truly loves a person nowadays due to infidelity and GIGS.. I have friends who can have strong long distance relationship and that guy can even miss her gf's graduation ceremony and yet they are still strong.. I have another friend who got dump after 2 years by his gf for a guy that girl just met for 2 weeks at work.. thus if the person truly loves one another, they will last... distance can be measured but love cannot be measured and love will beat distance... =) LDR suck. Myself and my fiance were LD by about 3 hours - 133 miles yep I know exactly how many. I do agree though LDR are hard. You miss important things for each other yet most understand that you simply can't be there all the time. Most people end LDR's because of the distance - we personally didn't and learnt to make the best of being so far apart. It's the person. You are either strong or weak. If you are weak a LDR ain't going to work at all
Author L1ght Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Exactly I used to say to my ex I hate fighting with you. We may have different opinions on something's and it may get heated. But I wouldn't argue with you if I didn't love you. I would just walk right out of your life and never look back (which consequently he did recently after our despute) I would still today rather fight with him than anyone else. Its exhilarating isn't it? Fighting with your partner and making it through to the other side. It makes everything worth it and it helps you see what you were fighting for in the first place. Then when they give up and don't fight to make it with you anymore it makes it all the more perplexing that the relationship has taken such a sudden and unexpected turn.....that's the worst, when you are so used to getting through the fights that you don't even see it coming when they just don't fight anymore and you're left on you're own going "WTF just happened?". 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Its exhilarating isn't it? Fighting with your partner and making it through to the other side. It makes everything worth it and it helps you see what you were fighting for in the first place. Then when they give up and don't fight to make it with you anymore it makes it all the more perplexing that the relationship has taken such a sudden and unexpected turn.....that's the worst, when you are so used to getting through the fights that you don't even see it coming when they just don't fight anymore and you're left on you're own going "WTF just happened?". Yep your exactly right. He has had issue's with confrontation. He was married for 14 years and his wife's word was gospel. He never got an opinion, he never got chance to argue his point so would turn off, go quiet and still. This in the same house as your wife is fine, eventually you'll make up. But because he lives 3 hours away there was no "making up" You either talked it out or you didn't. I gave him an opinion, I wanted one. Everyone deserves one but he'd gone so long without being allowed one he'd just shut off to avoid a fight rather than being an adult, talking it out and wiping said slate clean. Moral of my story? Don't date a man who was married a good chunk of his life. She molded him into the man he is today. He is her husband, not my fiance and certainly not his own person.
Author L1ght Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Yep your exactly right. He has had issue's with confrontation. He was married for 14 years and his wife's word was gospel. He never got an opinion, he never got chance to argue his point so would turn off, go quiet and still. This in the same house as your wife is fine, eventually you'll make up. But because he lives 3 hours away there was no "making up" You either talked it out or you didn't. I gave him an opinion, I wanted one. Everyone deserves one but he'd gone so long without being allowed one he'd just shut off to avoid a fight rather than being an adult, talking it out and wiping said slate clean. Moral of my story? Don't date a man who was married a good chunk of his life. She molded him into the man he is today. He is her husband, not my fiance and certainly not his own person. It takes time for some people to break out of that mould and I guess some of them never will. I mean we are all shaped by our experiences from the past and if we don't heal properly then the chances are we will drag some of that crap into our next relationship like your ex did with you. Its dawning on me more and more lately that people like me and you are not to blame for the way things went down at all even though it might have seemed that way at the time. We are not the ones who were too weak to see things through and to be honest there is no coming back from that....how can we trust someone like that again who wasn't there for us when we truly needed them? Life....no risk, no reward and we never know until we try.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 It takes time for some people to break out of that mould and I guess some of them never will. I mean we are all shaped by our experiences from the past and if we don't heal properly then the chances are we will drag some of that crap into our next relationship like your ex did with you. Its dawning on me more and more lately that people like me and you are not to blame for the way things went down at all even though it might have seemed that way at the time. We are not the ones who were too weak to see things through and to be honest there is no coming back from that....how can we trust someone like that again who wasn't there for us when we truly needed them? Life....no risk, no reward and we never know until we try. That's exactly how I am seeing it. People think they are ready to move on and do so. They take their bad qualities and habits with them and trash someone else, someone innocent in the process. Do I think it's intentional? No. Do I think they know they are doing it? Probably not. But the simple truth is. If you try and move on from a big love in your life, you are able to love someone else. But you will ruin it because you weren't healed. You will ruin it because you compare that person to your ex, and you'll ruin it because you treat them as such. It's not my fault. That I am certain of. If someone doesn't have their s*it together that's on them but we are worth more than the breadcrumbs of an old dead relationship x
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Love is temporary. Sure it is. Life is temporary too. Doesn't mean we shouldn't live it while we have it 2
hotpotato Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not always true. Sometimes people make stupid, rash decisions. My ex dumped me and went straight to another woman. He has since regretted it. I think sometimes in the end it's themselves they screw over the most. I can't help but doubt the value of working things out. You can't make someone care. I think in the future I wont bother working things out. I am one of those people who doesnt want to leave until I've put in a good fight. Why bother when the other person just leaves? Maybe I should just let the relationship fail then move on to the next, like they do.
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not always true. Sometimes people make stupid, rash decisions. My ex dumped me and went straight to another woman. He has since regretted it. I think sometimes in the end it's themselves they screw over the most. I can't help but doubt the value of working things out. You can't make someone care. I think in the future I wont bother working things out. I am one of those people who doesnt want to leave until I've put in a good fight. Why bother when the other person just leaves? Maybe I should just let the relationship fail then move on to the next, like they do. Certainly not always true. I'm pretty certain I wasn't a rebound then again who knows it makes little to no difference now. I've often thought why fight if they can't be bothered. I wouldn't be me if I didn't. If I didn't give something my all. To the point of where I had to throw my hands in the air and say screw it go s*it on someone else I would always regret it and wonder what if. You can't spark a fire without a match and you can't force someone to care enough unfortunately x
KCCK Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not always true. Sometimes people make stupid, rash decisions. My ex dumped me and went straight to another woman. He has since regretted it. I think sometimes in the end it's themselves they screw over the most. I can't help but doubt the value of working things out. You can't make someone care. I think in the future I wont bother working things out. I am one of those people who doesnt want to leave until I've put in a good fight. Why bother when the other person just leaves? Maybe I should just let the relationship fail then move on to the next, like they do. I agree... in my past relationship, my ex took the easy way out.. instead of trying to solve our problems together, she went behind my back and seek comfort in another guy..she thinks that by being with another guy, all the problems we faced during our relationship can be overcome.. to me that is kinda avoiding the problems and a little immature..if we try to solve it and it doesnt work, than perhaps mutual break up is acceptable but when infidelity occurs, it is obviously the end. it is hard to keep the relationship alive if your partner had already gave up and took the easy way out... we better just move on... 2
emi Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) nice question Edited September 4, 2013 by emi
Kimmie80 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Im defiantly a fighter! In my last serious relationship, he had an affair that lasted 6 months. It happened on our 10 year anniversary and just when we found out we were expecting our 3rd child. I was devastated! I tried for the last 4 years. But I could't get past it. Now, I am struggling with why this new guy walked. He was the only that I trusted since. I fell for him hard. He knew about my ex having the affair. I thought he understood. Because of my insecurities and low self-esteem, I ended up saying some stupid things via email and he walked. No second chance. It felt like everything was perfect. So, ya, I guess some don't want to fight because there are a lot of other girls out there or some of us are not worth fighting for. Either way, it hurts like hell. Especially when I am a huge fighter and don't believe on giving up. 3
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Im defiantly a fighter! In my last serious relationship, he had an affair that lasted 6 months. It happened on our 10 year anniversary and just when we found out we were expecting our 3rd child. I was devastated! I tried for the last 4 years. But I could't get past it. Now, I am struggling with why this new guy walked. He was the only that I trusted since. I fell for him hard. He knew about my ex having the affair. I thought he understood. Because of my insecurities and low self-esteem, I ended up saying some stupid things via email and he walked. No second chance. It felt like everything was perfect. So, ya, I guess some don't want to fight because there are a lot of other girls out there or some of us are not worth fighting for. Either way, it hurts like hell. Especially when I am a huge fighter and don't believe on giving up. I agree kimmie you are a fighter! I hope your doing better honey xx 2
Kimmie80 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not really, but thanks Im trying! Still waiting to get to the point of letting go 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not really, but thanks Im trying! Still waiting to get to the point of letting go You'll get there you know you will. It'll just take time and willpower. You are doing amazingly though even if you don't feel like you are xxx 2
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