sjm Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I know that in my email I say that I don't care what anybody else thinks but I am so nervous! Please give me your thoughts! You make me nervous, you make me weak and you make my mind go a million miles an hour but you already know that. SO, you would know that you got something more along the lines of word vomit on the phone rather than what I really wanted to say. When I saw what messages Annie sent I laughed and just carried on with the night. I went home early cause I have a long day of work/uni today and as I was walking in the door dads phone was in the hallway and so I checked it. It made me smile and as usual I told myself how lucky I was to be blessed with such an amazing dad like him! You barely knew my relationship with my dad before his accident but that’s how we’ve always been, he’s always been my biggest supporter, bestest friend and I finally have him back. Losing my relationship with him and watching him suffer has been the most torturous and painful experience, it is an understatement to simply say I lost my sanity, I hope you understand. You forced further change upon me, at the time I saw it as betrayal but now I don’t. I believe the change you forced on me is a good thing, otherwise it was very unlikely that I was going to toughen up all by myself. Understanding this, in a way has imposed that I should always aim for change, that way I will be ready to adapt quickly to whatever comes down the road. I have definitely grown for the better which means I have minimized any change that I’ll have to do when faced with something like this in the future. A lot has happened, some very good, some very bad. Long story short we both made many mistakes. I think that if I didn’t give myself the alone time, my judgement would have remained clouded and that anger would have stuck with me. I think that’s what you always meant by “damaged goods” right? Those words stuck with me and it absolutely petrified me so I knew something had to be done. I figured that I had to ‘disconnect in order to reconnect’ and gave myself space. With all the poison aside, a lot of faith and a clear mind I am my happy bubbly self. I have honestly been having the time of my life. You know how I told you I drove my car straight from the dealership to yours? I know that made your heart warm because I saw the way you smiled to yourself and closed your eyes for a second so don’t even try and put on a front to me lol! Well anyway, you were the first I wanted to call after I left Clayton Utz but I didn’t cause I was afraid you won’t answer so I left it and just didn’t call or tell anyone. I couldn’t share my biggest achievement with my biggest influence to date in life and I won’t deny I was a little sad. The whole thing with Han happened and I was really mad at her but it wasn’t until I saw you and left that I thought there may well be various different ways to interpret a situation and there’s always one view that is hopeful, positive and inspiring. So rather than being mad, I was happy because in the end I still got to see you and tell you the big news. I never expect to get messages from you like the one I received from my dad (let’s face it, Nathan’s world starts and ends with Nathan) and chivalry is not a part of your nature but they are just ideals that have nothing to do with what I love about you, it’s all the silly things that I miss. The things that other people would look and judge, gross things that other people would never talk to you again over but I would smile and laugh and praise you for “you are so cute Nathan” or how about your old man pyjamas? They are adorable. It’s kind of weird when I think about. Regardless, I could list them all for you, I think even you would be surprised. Haha. So that’s why I asked if you wanted to come and have fun at Hillside, or what you were doing this weekend because I finally have the opportunity to be simple with you again. Yes, I know I am acting on impulse, although I am not going to stop and question my own right to experience such an urge. I am not going to force myself to be dispassionate, look only with logic at a set of circumstances and act in the way that an impartial, outside observer might consider appropriate. I don’t care about being judged, I am giving credence to my own deepest feelings. You can recognise the trends that the long-term future will bring. I am wise enough not to act only on the basis of an immediate impression. I truly believe in everything you have ever promised me, every deep and meaningful conversation we ever had and it’s been great being able to actually talk to you, hear you and listen to you lately. I only hope that you respond to this with the same truth that I am giving you. It makes me happy listening to how you feel. I only ever wanted you to let me in, and I tried to do anything I could to show you I had no secret agenda and I truly only cared about you but I was so confused from the way you were acting I went in like a 5 year old with a wrecking ball. When reading this email, please do so with an open mind, don’t think about any external influence because when writing this email I have blocked all of that out and have only spoken about how I feel, not what anybody else has told me is right or wrong and have disregarded what other peoples judgements would be. That’s a big thing for me and you know that. It’s because I am going of what you once told me; nobody else matters, it’s just me and you. Not to mention all the sweet essay messages you used to send me promising me that you will be here forever. I was 18, completely overwhelmed, thought you were absolutely crazy but I loved you so I went with the flow and now I am here 20, and missing you picking on me. I want to be your escape from your stressful life, I want to be the person there at the end of the day who simply lays on your chest and watches Seinfeld, Becker and Criminal Intent with you. You made me a promise and I meant it when I said yes. Infinity. I want you to know that writing this email is very scary for me. It’s hard to have trust that you won’t hurt me, but I’ve heard that it takes a leap of faith first then comes trust. If you don’t feel the same, that’s okay, I still don’t regret this email because I got to be honest with you. “It is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is” Would you like to be simple with me on Sunday night? We can have a barbecue and you can finally enjoy those lamb chops and that JD that have been waiting for you since June.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 What's the point of this? Seems way too long and way too schmaltzy. 1
Kizza Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 This email is not for your ex. It is for you. To get all of your thoughts out of your head! Hang on to this for a whilst, do not send it. Write a few more even but do not send them. When you are over it all and have moved on, print them all out, pat yourself on the back for not sending all your rambling thoughts out to the ex and then burn them on fire.... As a side note: My GF got a super long rambling text from a guy she saw for 2 months. She thought it was OTT, crazy and showed me... not what it said but just scrolled through it all saying look at all this I mean really! He is so OTT! Who is not to say that your innermost thoughts will not go past your ex. Just think he could be scrolling through it all with someone else! saying omg wth so ott!!! You don't want that! 3
MyFault69 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Yah my last contact was six weeks ago in two texts I sent me ex apologizing for everything and later I found out she told her friend this "Dude its so ****ing nuts I pretty much got a novel in my phone." She said I hid my emotions and when I told her that she acted like that. I wonder if that made it harder to get her to contact me again lol.
amy10 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 send the email to your ex, i think it would be good for yourself to get out and them to hear. see where it leads you, you never know. i think youll regret not sending it and even if you do and it dosnt go down well or they dont answer at least you tryed. simon phoenix said its way to long but if it says all you feel and want to say just send it.
hotpotato Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Way too long! He may not even read it, it's too wordy.
Omei Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 send the email to your ex, i think it would be good for yourself to get out and them to hear. see where it leads you, you never know. i think youll regret not sending it and even if you do and it dosnt go down well or they dont answer at least you tryed. simon phoenix said its way to long but if it says all you feel and want to say just send it. If she sends it he'll read it, prob not reply, he will knows she's being obsessive about how thing's ended, that gives him all the power. It wont change anything. If you guys are going to have a Bbq Saturday night don't send this before and make the night enjoyable so something may come of it. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 send the email to your ex, i think it would be good for yourself to get out and them to hear. see where it leads you, you never know. i think youll regret not sending it and even if you do and it dosnt go down well or they dont answer at least you tryed. simon phoenix said its way to long but if it says all you feel and want to say just send it. Eww, no way. Letters are bad news. She's anticipating a certain response and is going to be devastated when she doesn't get it. This is much more likely to freak her ex out than anything else. 1
melell Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Honestly, don't send it. When/if it is time to share these things with the ex 1. They will approach you wanting to share something equally as long 2. You will have no desire to share these things. It sucks, but seriously, if you want it to be received well, as in they read it think about it and care about it, then it has to be when they ask to hear it.
Recommended Posts