Sadoni Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I am honestly confused and need advice. My boyfriend is always busy with work, and I completely understand that. I rarely text or call him. When I do and he doesn't respond, I don't bombard him with messages either. Well, he told me he had a four day weekend, and he wanted to spend it with me. However, when I didn't hear from him, I sent him a text. I wasn't angry or upset but just wanted to know if we were going to spend time together so I wasn't waiting around. He became extremely angry and told me that I'm "smothering" him. I was taken aback. SO, I did what any girl should do, and I gave him space. If he sent me a text, I would respond, but I wouldn't initiate anything. Now a few days later, he sends me angry texts accusing me of ignoring him. When I explained to him that I was giving him space like he wanted, he called me "mean" and "spiteful". He's like this a lot. He'll get upset, I'll fix it, and he gets even angrier. I want to make him happy, but I don't want to be a pushover either. What would you do?
happywithlife Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 In all honesty, I would break up with him. You should be treated with more respect. If someone says they want to spend time with you and then doesn't make plans and gets mad at you for asking, they aren't treating you with the respect you deserve. 5
Dallers Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I am honestly confused and need advice. My boyfriend is always busy with work, and I completely understand that. I rarely text or call him. When I do and he doesn't respond, I don't bombard him with messages either. Well, he told me he had a four day weekend, and he wanted to spend it with me. However, when I didn't hear from him, I sent him a text. I wasn't angry or upset but just wanted to know if we were going to spend time together so I wasn't waiting around. He became extremely angry and told me that I'm "smothering" him. I was taken aback. SO, I did what any girl should do, and I gave him space. If he sent me a text, I would respond, but I wouldn't initiate anything. Now a few days later, he sends me angry texts accusing me of ignoring him. When I explained to him that I was giving him space like he wanted, he called me "mean" and "spiteful". He's like this a lot. He'll get upset, I'll fix it, and he gets even angrier. I want to make him happy, but I don't want to be a pushover either. What would you do? The actions of your boyfriend could mean many things but I know as a man if I acted like this I was hiding something from you. Now I am not saying that there could be another girl so do not panic it could be something going on in his life that he is keeping from you, something family related or that he is confused about how he feels for you or feels that a relationship is cramping his style and space. Any of these are a possibility. However, you are being treated like crap and messed about and emotionally being played with so you need to know what is going on and he needs to tell you so you have to make it clear that you are not happy and want to know what is going on. If not you must do what is best for you. In my personal opinion you have already done for him more than I would do for someone who treated me like that but clearly you like this guy so you need to get how you feel out in the open, write him a letter is a good idea and if this continues and he will not speak to you I would consider the possibility that he is hiding something from you that could lead to you getting hurt. 1
FitChick Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Your mistake was texting and not calling. He can't read tone of voice in a text. If he was in a bad mood or stressed when he read it, the interpretation would be different than if he was happy. You two need to talk. 1
Author Sadoni Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Happywithlife, I completely agree with you. At least, that's what my logical side concludes, but since I love him dearly, it's hard for me to do so. He really doesn't treat me with respect, and he always likes to make it clear that it's my fault when something goes sour. Dallers, I appreciate your input. I know he has an iffy family situation, or at least, he has in the past. However, I do agree with you, because he does seem to play around with my emotions. I'm a really gentle person, and sometimes, I do bend over backwards just to make people happy (which is something I need to change). FitChick, He has mentioned not being able to determine tone in texts before. Hmmm. I'll have to see if I sent him something that could have been misleading. StanMusial, He does come across as childish sometimes. I've noticed that around his parents actually. Edited September 4, 2013 by Sadoni
Author Sadoni Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Common sense from anyone looking outside in would tell them from your side of the story that you already know what you need to do. Drop the dude. He "could" be or have cheated on you. If you can live with that possibility and have such low self-esteem that you need someone like the way you've described him to "complete" you as if you are already broken yourself if you have to go on your own, then stay with him and be his personal whipping girl. You'll never know what better person is out there waiting for you if you stay in an unhappy relationship. But if you like to hear yourself complain and don't plan on doing anything about it...Good luck to you. You know what? You're right. I need to grow a backbone and leave him. I'm better off being alone than upset all the time due to his fickle nature.
soccerrprp Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I am honestly confused and need advice. My boyfriend is always busy with work, and I completely understand that. I rarely text or call him. When I do and he doesn't respond, I don't bombard him with messages either. Well, he told me he had a four day weekend, and he wanted to spend it with me. However, when I didn't hear from him, I sent him a text. I wasn't angry or upset but just wanted to know if we were going to spend time together so I wasn't waiting around. He became extremely angry and told me that I'm "smothering" him. I was taken aback. SO, I did what any girl should do, and I gave him space. If he sent me a text, I would respond, but I wouldn't initiate anything. Now a few days later, he sends me angry texts accusing me of ignoring him. When I explained to him that I was giving him space like he wanted, he called me "mean" and "spiteful". He's like this a lot. He'll get upset, I'll fix it, and he gets even angrier. I want to make him happy, but I don't want to be a pushover either. What would you do? Abort, abort! He sounds like a very moody, precarious guy right now. These are big red flags!
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