sandy2 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Hi, I have been dating somebody in another country for 4 months. The first two months we were in the same country. He asked me to be his girlfriend and we spent a lot of time together. The last two months we have been trying to maintain a long distance relationship because I am in another country. I was pretty firm that I wanted to talk about 3 times a week on Skype and I wasn't always happy when he went out with friends. I was being a little demanding probably and he finally told me a few days ago that it would be better if we continued our regular contact, but that we should call what we have a "friendship" instead of a relationship. He has never had a serious relationship before despite being in his 30s and he said he's not very good at it. There isn't even a chance that we can see each other for another month, so I feel like I have no choice but to accept his new terms. If I say no then I guess we won't be talking anymore. Just talking on Skype is so hard, but that's all we have had in the past two months. I will visit him in about a month and he said he is still looking forward to my visit. He said he isn't interested in dating anybody else. We are getting along okay despite our "changed status." I'm just wondering if this is the normal transformation of an LDR. Do they just not work? I don't want him to not be in my life. He pursued me hard when we first met and made me like him and now I feel very comfortable with him and I don't know that I can pressure him to be in some serious LDR with me when we can't even see each other. Thanks for any help.
betw3nstations Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I'm bumping for you because I'm curious about the advice you'll get. I met and briefly dated someone last year who moved overseas too. We decided not to do the LDR thing precisely for the reasons you stated. Over time, I got over him for the most part (but always had a soft spot for him) but I've been thinking about him more and more recently. Looking back, I think not doing a LDR was the best choice for us. I'm pretty sure we would've fought a lot, broken up and probably not even be on speaking terms anymore. I would also regret it if doing a LDR restricted him from new experiences in the new country. It was very hard at the time, I know, and I'm sorry you're going through this. My only advice is to not pressure him.
jenwon Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Regular communication is key, but having a set schedule or # per week is never going to work. You will just have to accept that the level of communication will vary from week to week. The time difference will make it impossible to maintain a set schedule. Will it work? Depends if there is an endpoint to the LD in the LDR. At some point one of you will have to move to be closer to the other. Have you even discussed it? I know several people who were/are in overseas LDRs (work, school, etc). The ones that worked out were when there was a set time frame or reason for the person abroad to move back (ie graduation, find job closer). It wont work if the time apart will be indefinite.
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