hope4143 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I know that this question has been asked a million times, but I need advice. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a little under two weeks ago. He said that "there were no sparks and that he wants to be independent; that he was no longer in love with me." I was completely taken by surprise; we had just gotten back from a week long vacation with his family. We have had a loving, faithful, respectful relationship and I was never a jealous person; he was free to do whatever he liked without any criticism from me. We never argue about anything. Recently, I felt him becoming distant and withdrawn, so naturally I tried to pull him closer. It only resulted in him becoming way stressed out and breaking up with me. He is terrible about handling stress in a healthy way and it even bothers him if he has unsorted mail. I took the breakup hard and cried and tried to convince him to work things out, but he didnt want to. I don't actually believe that we are no longer in love. Rather, I believe that we are just getting past the romance stage of the relationship where you lose the lovey dovey head over heels feeling and need to work at it. I texted him once the next day and asked him if he was sure and if it was permanent or if he just needs space. He said he was sure and it was permanent. Since then, I have unfriended him from facebook, removed reminders of him from my room, and not contacted him in any way, shape, or form. I feel like I was becoming comfortable in the relationship and that he felt that I was becoming dependent/clingy and ran. I am an attractive 23 year old who is planning on pursuing my doctorate in biochemistry in the fall, while he is a 24 year old social worker who dreams of quitting his job and touring with his band/becoming famous. I know that I could find some one else, but I am so in love with him that I couldnt even imagine being with anyone else. I am trying to move on, but I can't stop wishing that he would call me and apologize. Is there a chance that he will contact me to reconcile or should I just accept that its over forever?
KatZee Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Guys don't lie about things like this. If he had even a remote thought in his mind of getting back together with you he wouldn't have given you such a solid answer of "I'm sure this is done forever." You can sit and speculate all day long as to why you think things fell apart. You shouldn't beat yourself up that it was your fault for being too comfortable, etc. you also can't project what you believe to be his reason for leaving (we got past the lovey stage.) The only person that knows the whys is him and you most surely sill not be told what the real reasons are. It's clear you're both at different points in life. You want to succeed academically and he wants to tour the world with his band. Guys in bands have groupies. He's young and perhaps doesn't want to be tied down any longer and would rather see what else is out there and have fun. Whatever the reason, you need to disengage and move on. Don't sit around hoping he's going to regret his decision and beg for you back. The chance of that happening is extremely slim. I think he's been very upfront with his feelings. He's done. It sucks, especially after two years, but you're so young. You WILL find love again.
Dallers Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Sadly I was in a very similar situation last year and it pretty much ended in the same way. I just did not feel the same for her and although she was such a lovely person and we got on so well and acted like best mates the spark had gone and I did not love her. It was tough the break up but afterwards we both agreed it was the right thing as I need my own space it is the way I am and she has met a great new guy and is very happy. I know myself that I was never going to feel anything for her apart from being a friend and because of that she still is and we chat as friends. Even though I know she loved me she has moved on and she did the same when we were together to try and pull me closer so that I loved her back and it had a reverse effect. You cannot force something and he is a good guy to be honest with you and trust me it is a very tough thing to do but you cannot change the way someone feels and personally I could never see me feeling something for a person when it is not there to begin with, some things can be worked on and others just are not meant to be. You must move on.
mammasita Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 All you can do is let him go. Whether there is hope or not is irrelevant. Sure it can happen but I can damn sure garuntee that it will not happen if you spend every minute of your life from this moment forward planning for it to happen. It hurts, it sucks, it's painful and I'm sure this feels like the most terrible hurt in the world right now. It will get better. Take care of yourself.
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