I asked for what I needed from him, now he's gone.

[Lokie]

I was seeing a guy for about a month. When we would part, he would say things like, "see you around," then I wouldn't hear from him for days. He lives about 50 minutes away and has primary custody of his young child. And yes, we had had sex, and yes, too soon.

 

I told him that while I did have sex with him early in the relationship, that I didn't actually want a casual sex or FWB relationship (because my experience has told me that I don't do it well - I get emotionally attached), but something more long term. I also told him that I would prefer to make contact with one another more often between dates (it was 5-6 days with no contact). He said he understood and would think about what he really wanted.

 

I text him during the week, he responds, then I don't hear from him until 5 days later when he calls me the day he is coming into my town and wants to see me. His voicemail is quite sweet, but does not address why he was unable to stay in touch.

 

I respond by texting him that it feels like casual sex when he only contacts me the day he wants to see me and that I told him I was not interested in that type of relationship. If he was willing to put in more effort, let me know. It's been over a week and I have not heard back from him.

 

I'm trying to practice new behavior as before I would have taken these crumbs and stayed with him for years, always wanting more and sure that he would change... someday. I feel like I should be elated by my standing up for myself and my needs, but the sadness and longing for him still lingers!

 

I guess I am asking for some support and encouragement.

 

Thanks for reading,

L.

[Ruby Slippers]

So you told him what you wanted, and he didn't give it to you.

 

I respond by texting him that it feels like casual sex when he only contacts me the day he wants to see me and that I told him I was not interested in that type of relationship. If he was willing to put in more effort, let me know. It's been over a week and I have not heard back from him.

There's your answer.

 

I feel like I should be elated by my standing up for myself and my needs, but the sadness and longing for him still lingers!

You should!

 

I'd move on. You'll be sad for a while, but you'll get over it. And you'll be so much happier when you find a guy who really cares about you and doesn't treat you like a booty call.

[TigerCub]

Hey Loki,

 

You should be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and for trying to break past bad habits.

 

I think you are definitely doing right by being true to what you want.

 

However it looks like you still have more work to do.

 

You need to practice NOT sleeping with someone so quickly if you truly want to have a real relationship, because I'm sure you know by sleeping with him quickly and then saying I don't want casual sex, that sends a confusing message.

 

So I really hope that next time you just get to know someone, take your time, and don't give it up so quickly.

 

I know that you are trying to break bad habits and adopt more positive ones and you are on the right track. So be proud of that

[HappyLove]

He's treating you like a booty call. He could easily be married and just has sex with you when he's available. I say good riddance to him. Now you need to look at yourself. If you know a month is too early & you get emotionally attached then you shouldn't be sleeping with losers who only contact you once a week. These guys will tell you anything. You need to watch their actions. His actions never showed that he was good enough for you to begin with not when he ignores you 5-6 days then only hits you up for sex. Take the time to get to know someone. You are worth more than that.

[thefooloftheyear]

I was seeing a guy for about a month. When we would part, he would say things like, "see you around," then I wouldn't hear from him for days. He lives about 50 minutes away and has primary custody of his young child. And yes, we had had sex, and yes, too soon.

 

I told him that while I did have sex with him early in the relationship, that I didn't actually want a casual sex or FWB relationship (because my experience has told me that I don't do it well - I get emotionally attached), but something more long term. I also told him that I would prefer to make contact with one another more often between dates (it was 5-6 days with no contact). He said he understood and would think about what he really wanted.

 

I text him during the week, he responds, then I don't hear from him until 5 days later when he calls me the day he is coming into my town and wants to see me. His voicemail is quite sweet, but does not address why he was unable to stay in touch.

 

I respond by texting him that it feels like casual sex when he only contacts me the day he wants to see me and that I told him I was not interested in that type of relationship. If he was willing to put in more effort, let me know. It's been over a week and I have not heard back from him.

 

I'm trying to practice new behavior as before I would have taken these crumbs and stayed with him for years, always wanting more and sure that he would change... someday. I feel like I should be elated by my standing up for myself and my needs, but the sadness and longing for him still lingers!

 

I guess I am asking for some support and encouragement.

 

Thanks for reading,

L.

 

 

If he's a responsible parent I dont think he could have had anything more than a casual deal with you under the conditions(bolded), quite frankly...

 

I wish you well...

 

TFY

[Jadedbyluv]

It is still fresh so it will hurt some. But in time, you will feel a lot better about the decision you made. It will help you with the next relationship or guy you date.