mrbrightside14 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 25 y.o. male kinda seeing a 30 y.o. female. We've been talking for about two months now. Out of all the women I've met in my thus far, I think she is the best total package. I'm not saying this because I'm infatuated with her. She has many great qualities. I really enjoy spending time with her, and she seems attracted to me. Anyway, I've gone on a few dates with her so far, and things seemed to be going in the right direction UNTIL she decided to slow things down a little... A few days ago she said she would like to keep whatever we have right now on more "friend basis" until she gets through a "tough loss of her very close friend." Her ex-boyfriend, whom she broke up with a year ago, is headed to state prison for "a crime he didn't commit," and she claims to be very sad and depressed about it. He kinda got screwed over, but the fact that she still talks to this guy made me feel a bit mad, jealous, and concerned. Also, her use of this as a reason to "slow things down" also got me wondering if she is not all that into me. We are having a big date night (which we planned quite some time ago) this Friday. I plan on asking her a few very important questions to find out where my relationship with her is headed toward. I am going to let her know that I am OUT unless she actively unloads her emotional baggage. I know most men would say adios in a situation like this. I used to as well. However, I would like women's take on this because I can't fully understand what she's going through.
almond Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I am a woman, but I am far from being able to fully understand what she's going through - I don't even have a way of knowing that any of it is true! Maybe she reconnected with him upon hearing the news of his impending incarceration? Maybe she's just having a rough time? Maybe she's not into you, and is just talking crap? Maybe she found someone else, and is keeping you for insurance? etc. etc. etc. Speak to her as you're planning, and you'll hopefully get your answers. Try not to think too much on it beforehand. She's wanting to slow things down, so it does warrant a discussion if you feel differently - you are entitled to clarification. Anything here would be pure speculation (as per the previous paragraph), and I think that could actually be counterproductive in this instance. Ask her, listen to her and evaluate. Good luck
todreaminblue Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 when a guy goes to prison the women left behind swear baby ill wait for you .....and i have known quite a few women actually whose husbands or boyfriends have gone to prison......a lot of the women dont wait.......they meet a guy, they are bored and lonely..... they get with him and he fills in the time while they are waiting......happened to my son he had a girlfriend who told it was over between her and her partner in goal it wasnt over she fell pregnant to my son.....and when the boyfriend got out told him it was his baby from a conjugal visit....unfortunately to em its pretty obvious the child is my sons......he has big blue eyes like all of us do......also happened to a male friend of mine who asked me to look after his gf she had a young son to look after and he was worried abotu her......while he went to prison...she had someone new within a month..and dumped my friend he moved away when he got out...h ebawled like a baby.....when he found out...........i dont judge people so i often end up with friends who have to face the consequences of their own actions...and they do...... as i said...i have known a few women mostly domestic violence cases who go back to the guy once he gets out an dsimply use guys as time and bed fillers...sad but true......normally the guys they have are nice guys who would do anything for them...i am nto saying all the time just from my own personal knowledge..... i would tread carefully....this is my advice...especially since she is obviously telling you she thinks he is innocent and got a bad rap.....i really do wish you well...i hate writing negativity it isnt what i like to write.... and hope that i am really wrong i had to be honest......and i hope she is one that isnt that way inclined..soemtimes it is pure loneliness that drives women with inmate partners..... into the arms of someone......doesnt make it right though they cant wait..i wish you luck truly....deb
Maleficent Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 25 y.o. male kinda seeing a 30 y.o. female. We've been talking for about two months now. Out of all the women I've met in my thus far, I think she is the best total package. I'm not saying this because I'm infatuated with her. She has many great qualities. I really enjoy spending time with her, and she seems attracted to me. Anyway, I've gone on a few dates with her so far, and things seemed to be going in the right direction UNTIL she decided to slow things down a little... A few days ago she said she would like to keep whatever we have right now on more "friend basis" until she gets through a "tough loss of her very close friend." Her ex-boyfriend, whom she broke up with a year ago, is headed to state prison for "a crime he didn't commit," and she claims to be very sad and depressed about it. He kinda got screwed over, but the fact that she still talks to this guy made me feel a bit mad, jealous, and concerned. Also, her use of this as a reason to "slow things down" also got me wondering if she is not all that into me. We are having a big date night (which we planned quite some time ago) this Friday. I plan on asking her a few very important questions to find out where my relationship with her is headed toward. I am going to let her know that I am OUT unless she actively unloads her emotional baggage. I know most men would say adios in a situation like this. I used to as well. However, I would like women's take on this because I can't fully understand what she's going through. She is depressed because her ex is going to jail for a crime he supposedly not commit...? Say adios. she isn't interested and using this as an excuse.
HappyLove Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 She needs to take a break from you because of an ex. Not only is he an ex but an ex-CON!!! Don't walk away....RUN!
KRuss Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I wouldnt ask any questions. I would just cancel the date. I mean, he is an EX, and she is so sad about that she cannot function? As well, you are a real person who can be there for her and she is pining for a man going to prison? Doesnt sound healthy.
nescafe1982 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Give her all the space she wants, but don't even think about waiting up for her. Date around, be open to meeting someone who is not hung up on her past. If at a later date she wants to come back to you, and you're still single and open to it, then you can talk. But don't count on ever hearing from her again. If she's not ready for you now, she may never be ready.
salparadise Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 A few days ago she said she would like to keep whatever we have right now on more "friend basis" until she gets through a "tough loss of her very close friend." Her ex-boyfriend, whom she broke up with a year ago, is headed to state prison for "a crime he didn't commit," and she claims to be very sad and depressed about it. If I were you there is no way I'd follow through with the "big date night." She's divesting––so should you. The mere mention of the "friend" word from someone you're dating is your cue to gather up your self-respect and head for the nearest exit. If she's this distressed and believes that this ex is wrongly headed to prison, then her sympathy for and loyalty to this guy will continue to take first priority. I can't help but wonder if part of the reason for putting you on friend status is that she intends to give him sympathy sex until he goes away. I'd also question her assumption that he's innocent. You'd also have to be wondering, if you continued, what the situation will be when he gets released. I'd drop this woman like a hot potato. Don't let her put you on the the back burner to wait it out while she indulges this mess. 1
PogoStick Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 She's not over him and you are option B right now.
Maleficent Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 She's not over him and you are option B right now. Or option until the ex comes out of jail. For a crime he didn't commit. lol
Ruby Slippers Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Drama! She's not over this loser. Next!
darkmoon Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) she wants to be sure to be all nice to him because there's gratification in such saintly behaviour, gratification mixed up with the drama of this guy who is about to go to jail a guy whose nearly in jail is a dick for getting near there let alone actually in it, yet she sees something, maybe just that gratifyingly saintly duty, people do not reliably pay this duty back either too, his prospects if jailed reduce to zero, he is unemployable - will he need money from her sometime? ask her to talk on the big date, she can not be his only friend, she must drop him - or has everybody dropped him except her? Edited September 3, 2013 by darkmoon
AngelKing001 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I´m kind of in the same situation, just without the prision story... There are teo alternatives here, myself am trying to decide which to take. One is to taker her out and tell her what I feel and require an explanation and see from there. The other is to "give her a taste of her own medicine". Basicly start seeing other women and keep her on the reserve, like she´s doing at the moment. Women love the attention, don´t forget that, so it´s a good idea to attend to her but not as enthusiasticly as when we´re infatuated...I dont know if this is good advice as like I say, am in the same situation.
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