believed once Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 My husband of 20 years is done with our relationship. He says it over and he is out of love with me. I'm left to pick up the scattered pieces of my heart. Things started to go sour 6 months ago when he started obsessively going to the gym. I supported him and encouraged his healthy endeavors. In June, he went on a group physical challenge, it was an all woman's event, with one of his high school friends. He was the only guy going. I had my reservations but trusted him. My husband came back and confessed that while he was drinking heavily, he made out with another woman. I forgave him as he apologized for doing it. He started to engage in a text and phone relationship with that woman. I asked him to stop but he kept texting and calling behind my back. He would password protect his phone and facebook and when l confronted his behavior he would flat out deny his involvement. It turns out that he having an emotional affair and developed feeling for this woman. He wanted to end things but was to chicken to man up. The amount of calls and texts is enormous. He apparently was turning to this woman for marriage advice!!! I called her that woman and asked her to stop texting my husband and let us work on our marriage and she had the guts to tell me to look in the mirror that my marriage is over. Love the fact that she knew that before l did. I've never been so devastated. I thought things were great with us and now that someone more exciting is come along, he's done with me. He is staying at his parents for a few days I just don't know how to cope. I'm angry, hurt and lost!!
Omei Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Tell him to get his **** out go Nc. And see if he comes crawling back begging for forgivness. Then you'll have control. If he doesnt come back get a divorce=[ im sorry honey!! Really sucks to hear stories of long marriage go to shambles =[ ((hug)) 2
Kizza Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 oh my goodness my heart goes out to you! I hope he sees what he is throwing away and makes some efforts to recapture the feelings he once had. hopefully he will speak to his mum or dad and they give him good advice. The wind in the sails of almost all relationships founders on occasion and it is the strength of the people within the relationship that sees them through the tougher times. I truly hope this is what happens with you and that he doesn't walk away. 20 years is a long time! It is a shame that these days people walk away from relationships too easily! Our grandparents and those before them worked through the ups and downs of their relationships and if something broke they fixed it. These days we live in a society where if it is broken we throw it away rather than give it the TLC it needs to keep going. You need to be strong now! Cry behind closed doors and be strong and amazing in front of him. Don't stoop to his levels, say anything mean or be emotional. Do you have family or friends you can talk to and cry on the shoulder of? Maybe seek some professional therapy or counselling to help you pour out your heart in a neutral zone and get your head and thoughts organised before you deal with him at different moments etc? ... 4
Author believed once Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 LlThank you Kizza & Omei. I've never ever thought this would happen to me. Not in a million years!! He seems so cold and like this woman is pushing him to leave I know he has full control of his own actions but l've never been so hurt This pain is physical and emotional. His parents are so deeply upset I feel like his mind is made up and no matter what advice, he is already attached to skmwone else. Our Wedding anniversary is in two weeks, what a wonderful gift l.just received. Early present!! I'm so angry!! He has the guts to tell me that lm out to destory him. Because l told his parents what was really going on. When he went over to stay he decided to not mention what has been happening. I gave this marriage 110% and lm out hanging to dry. I've talked to a few good friends tonight, but honestly when the lights went out all l did was cry. One hour of sleep, a sore jaw and off l go to work. I will be definitely contacting a counseling, cause lm a mess!! I appreciate writing on this forum Knowing there are caring people out there reading this is also therapeutic. t takes two to tango, but it sure makes me feel sick to know that there are woman and men out there waiting to pray on married people.
Omei Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 oh my goodness my heart goes out to you! I hope he sees what he is throwing away and makes some efforts to recapture the feelings he once had. hopefully he will speak to his mum or dad and they give him good advice. The wind in the sails of almost all relationships founders on occasion and it is the strength of the people within the relationship that sees them through the tougher times. I truly hope this is what happens with you and that he doesn't walk away. 20 years is a long time! It is a shame that these days people walk away from relationships too easily! Our grandparents and those before them worked through the ups and downs of their relationships and if something broke they fixed it. These days we live in a society where if it is broken we throw it away rather than give it the TLC it needs to keep going. You need to be strong now! Cry behind closed doors and be strong and amazing in front of him. Don't stoop to his levels, say anything mean or be emotional. Do you have family or friends you can talk to and cry on the shoulder of? Maybe seek some professional therapy or counselling to help you pour out your heart in a neutral zone and get your head and thoughts organised before you deal with him at different moments etc? ... Well said! 1
Omei Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 LlThank you Kizza & Omei. I've never ever thought this would happen to me. Not in a million years!! He seems so cold and like this woman is pushing him to leave I know he has full control of his own actions but l've never been so hurt This pain is physical and emotional. His parents are so deeply upset I feel like his mind is made up and no matter what advice, he is already attached to skmwone else. Our Wedding anniversary is in two weeks, what a wonderful gift l.just received. Early present!! I'm so angry!! He has the guts to tell me that lm out to destory him. Because l told his parents what was really going on. When he went over to stay he decided to not mention what has been happening. I gave this marriage 110% and lm out hanging to dry. I've talked to a few good friends tonight, but honestly when the lights went out all l did was cry. One hour of sleep, a sore jaw and off l go to work. I will be definitely contacting a counseling, cause lm a mess!! I appreciate writing on this forum Knowing there are caring people out there reading this is also therapeutic. t takes two to tango, but it sure makes me feel sick to know that there are woman and men out there waiting to pray on married people. Cry as much as you need too, take kizza's advice dont show him how hurt you are be strong in front of him it will drive him nuts that he's not getting the reaction he thinks he should from you. You're a strong woman, your not in the wrong for telling his parents not at all after 20 years his family is now part of your family and no way should he get to squat in their home and have them wonder " wonder what she did" yeah! No way! Good on you! 2
Author believed once Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Thank you Omei. Kizza is so right. I do need to hold my held high. I shed so many tears last night that l'm all out of them. No more tears left!! Want you all to know that this forum is so great cause there are so many genuine people out there. Thank you very much Omei for your kind message.
Midnight_Princess Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I just wanted to say how sorry i was to read your story. I hope you can move on from this. 2
StalwartMind Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Heya believed once, First let me just give you a long distance hug to wherever you are. Without a doubt 20 years is a long time, and having your whole world turned upside down in a moment, makes your mind think about all the personal investment you put into the relationship only for it to end up like that. To believe that someone can "throw away" all that you had so easily, leaves you pretty much speechless. While without a doubt you also feel resentment towards the other woman, in the end it's your husband whom is responsible for his actions. We will probably struggle forever with trying to understand why other humans do the things they do, especially when they make the least sense to us. It's probably very hard for you to even think about much these days and in the coming time, and I hope you can surround yourself with family/friends whom can be a fantastic support for you, as well as pursue any means you think could be beneficial to you like this forum perhaps. As cliche as it may sound, there are great people out there, whom could never dream of doing something like that, as it would be against everything they believe in and feel. It may not mean very much this very moment as you probably feel overwhelmed with emotion, but try to hold on to friends, family and other things in life, that you know can give you the comfort you need to get through this, whatever it'll be. Nothing is too silly to say or stupid to feel. 3
Author believed once Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Thank you StalwartMind. I'm going through so much emotions, falling apart crying one minute and angry the next. I have a great support network, and l've only told the loved ones that are the closest to me. My life as l know has changed completely. I know this is harsh to say, but l rather of been a widow then go through this. It's the betrayal, all the lies, deception, and the walking away from what we had. It hurts more to know that someone you loved could do this to you. Hurts so bad.
emi Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 That '' fall out of love '' of him is bull**** Feeling wont last forever, but he have to have a responsibilty with the choice he made. He chosen you to be his wife. Hes responsible for it. People are so weird nowaday. They messed up and cause heartache everywhere 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 My husband of 20 years is done with our relationship. He says it over and he is out of love with me. I'm left to pick up the scattered pieces of my heart. Things started to go sour 6 months ago when he started obsessively going to the gym. I supported him and encouraged his healthy endeavors. In June, he went on a group physical challenge, it was an all woman's event, with one of his high school friends. He was the only guy going. I had my reservations but trusted him. My husband came back and confessed that while he was drinking heavily, he made out with another woman. I forgave him as he apologized for doing it. He started to engage in a text and phone relationship with that woman. I asked him to stop but he kept texting and calling behind my back. He would password protect his phone and facebook and when l confronted his behavior he would flat out deny his involvement. It turns out that he having an emotional affair and developed feeling for this woman. He wanted to end things but was to chicken to man up. The amount of calls and texts is enormous. He apparently was turning to this woman for marriage advice!!! I called her that woman and asked her to stop texting my husband and let us work on our marriage and she had the guts to tell me to look in the mirror that my marriage is over. Love the fact that she knew that before l did. I've never been so devastated. I thought things were great with us and now that someone more exciting is come along, he's done with me. He is staying at his parents for a few days I just don't know how to cope. I'm angry, hurt and lost!! That green green grass he thinks he's got wont last for long. He may want a new toy, feel life is not exciting anymore. This not only screams midlife crisis it screams gigs too! Kick his ass out, take him for all he's worth and sit back and watch him fail because he will. Keep your chin up honey xxx
Omei Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Thank you StalwartMind. I'm going through so much emotions, falling apart crying one minute and angry the next. I have a great support network, and l've only told the loved ones that are the closest to me. My life as l know has changed completely. I know this is harsh to say, but l rather of been a widow then go through this. It's the betrayal, all the lies, deception, and the walking away from what we had. It hurts more to know that someone you loved could do this to you. Hurts so bad. I dont think it's harsh to say I often daydream the same thing wish my ex died instead of knowing that they just dont want us anymore its a nicer thought to think they died loving us than living happy without us huh. I think it a lot too, How are you today? Keep us posted. 2
Author believed once Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Ping Pong through anger and despair. Woke up at 4am thinking this was all a nightmare and then up since then feeling that l'm dying inside. Going over in over in my head how l didn't see this coming and how he is trying to justify this by saying that we "drifted apart". The only person that drifted apart was him and obvious interest in looking for attention from someone else. He told me previously that he was having a mid life crisis but didn't want to go to counseling, didn't want to turn to friends, or family but turned to another woman. If you are mixed up inside, you work on it, turn to me. I would have done anything to support him. I want this pain to go away, but know it's probably going to get worst. He says he needs a week at his parents to think, but he is being a coward, he is already moved on! My appreciation to everyone on here for this supportive comments. This is a great place for me to unload my emotions. I've never been so hurt. This sadly hurts more then when my father passed away from cancer when l was 17. The lies and betrayal hurts too much.
emi Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 you cant never compare pain. Every pain is different, and althought at some point in life when we had experience some terrible thing, we always thought we would be better next time when we need to deal with another pain But it isnt. Im so sorry for you. I wish for a remedy that can help me take the pain away when the relationship ends also, but then i realize there is no such thing. Only the one who dumped us got that remedy But that not gonna happen So we have to we strong for ourselves
keepontruckin Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 Ping Pong through anger and despair. Woke up at 4am thinking this was all a nightmare and then up since then feeling that l'm dying inside. Going over in over in my head how l didn't see this coming and how he is trying to justify this by saying that we "drifted apart". The only person that drifted apart was him and obvious interest in looking for attention from someone else. He told me previously that he was having a mid life crisis but didn't want to go to counseling, didn't want to turn to friends, or family but turned to another woman. If you are mixed up inside, you work on it, turn to me. I would have done anything to support him. I want this pain to go away, but know it's probably going to get worst. He says he needs a week at his parents to think, but he is being a coward, he is already moved on! My appreciation to everyone on here for this supportive comments. This is a great place for me to unload my emotions. I've never been so hurt. This sadly hurts more then when my father passed away from cancer when l was 17. The lies and betrayal hurts too much. Most of us here are going through similar... Your story isn't unique, even though you think it might be...
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