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People who starve communication at the start of a relationship...

SubliminalSessions

By SubliminalSessions
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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

Posted
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What is up with that? They answer once for every 5 texts you send them, don't respond when you call and leave a voicemail asking them out, avoid pertinent questions and comments about the relationship...but they still communicate and don't ever tell you, they aren't interested?

 

Is this a bad sign? And if so...what kind of sign? I hate to jump to "they are seeing someone else" so fast, and it reeks of insecurity on my part. But, why would someone do that? Assuming the last date went well, and there's still an attraction there. I'm not talking about someone who just plain isn't interested. I'm talking about ones who leave you on the hook.

 

There's this guy now doing it to me, and it's driving me crazy. I send him message after message, and he doesn't say anything. Today, I text Happy Labor Day...and all he can reply is "hey, just leaving work been here since yadda yadda feeling tired". OK...but then I respond back and nothing. 3 more texts, nothing. Then he replies, then 2 more nothings.

 

I told him I'm not trying to be clingy...but I like to make sure I'm on the same page when I first meet someone. I could easily play the silent, I don't care game either...but those usually end up fizzling out, and I don't want this to. I just don't understand how I can handle this because I'm trying to get him to speak...CLEARLY and DIRECTLY about things, and he just doesn't speak.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
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When I started to read this thread, I said to myself..."this has to be a woman"..Guys rarely complain about this..Yet you see thread after thread from women about guys not calling, texting, whatever...

 

While it could easily mean that he just isnt interested, I think part of it is just that women place a higher priority on it then men do.

 

My advise is to talk to him about it and voice your concerns. maybe its just a mixup or ?? Maybe then you can get to the bottom of it..

 

Good luck

 

TFY

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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

Posted
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Posted
When I started to read this thread, I said to myself..."this has to be a woman"..Guys rarely complain about this..Yet you see thread after thread from women about guys not calling, texting, whatever...

 

While it could easily mean that he just isnt interested, I think part of it is just that women place a higher priority on it then men do.

 

My advise is to talk to him about it and voice your concerns. maybe its just a mixup or ?? Maybe then you can get to the bottom of it..

 

Good luck

 

TFY

 

Why do you say guys don't normally complain about this? Do you think guys are just naturally non-communative?

 

I've sent him texts, but now it's making me feel needy and obsessive and not sure if I'm annoying the guy or not. On my last texts, I just came forward and basically just said that I've experienced similiar stuff in the past, and then I would run into the person down the line at a bar or something and they say, "I'm seeing someone, but I'm SO SORRY FOR not responding". And I told him, that how he's coming off, is making it hard to believe it won't go the same direction.

 

Now, what would have been wrong responding that? I think he just stringing me along. Like maybe he has someone else in the picture, maybe they were going thru some things, and trying to get back together? Or maybe someone else in the picture period? Whatever the case, I can't keep competing for a simple act of acknowledgement from this guy. Damn, say something. I told him I've never met someone like him before, and that it's weird LOL...

 

He hasn't told me to F off, and his texts are always nice...called me handsome on 1 last week, but if he wasn't really interested, he would not have even said that?

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
Why do you say guys don't normally complain about this? Do you think guys are just naturally non-communative?

 

I've sent him texts, but now it's making me feel needy and obsessive and not sure if I'm annoying the guy or not. On my last texts, I just came forward and basically just said that I've experienced similiar stuff in the past, and then I would run into the person down the line at a bar or something and they say, "I'm seeing someone, but I'm SO SORRY FOR not responding". And I told him, that how he's coming off, is making it hard to believe it won't go the same direction.

 

Now, what would have been wrong responding that? I think he just stringing me along. Like maybe he has someone else in the picture, maybe they were going thru some things, and trying to get back together? Or maybe someone else in the picture period? Whatever the case, I can't keep competing for a simple act of acknowledgement from this guy. Damn, say something. I told him I've never met someone like him before, and that it's weird LOL...

 

He hasn't told me to F off, and his texts are always nice...called me handsome on 1 last week, but if he wasn't really interested, he would not have even said that?

How long have you been seeing this guy?

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted
Why do you say guys don't normally complain about this? Do you think guys are just naturally non-communative?

 

I've sent him texts, but now it's making me feel needy and obsessive and not sure if I'm annoying the guy or not. On my last texts, I just came forward and basically just said that I've experienced similiar stuff in the past, and then I would run into the person down the line at a bar or something and they say, "I'm seeing someone, but I'm SO SORRY FOR not responding". And I told him, that how he's coming off, is making it hard to believe it won't go the same direction.

 

Now, what would have been wrong responding that? I think he just stringing me along. Like maybe he has someone else in the picture, maybe they were going thru some things, and trying to get back together? Or maybe someone else in the picture period? Whatever the case, I can't keep competing for a simple act of acknowledgement from this guy. Damn, say something. I told him I've never met someone like him before, and that it's weird LOL...

 

He hasn't told me to F off, and his texts are always nice...called me handsome on 1 last week, but if he wasn't really interested, he would not have even said that?

 

 

I dunno, just an observation, perhaps..Om not being critical of you, understand that..Just seems like this is an issue that women place far more importance on.

 

Ill also ask what the previous poster did..How long do you know him?

 

TFY

Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
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Why do you say guys don't normally complain about this? Do you think guys are just naturally non-communative?

 

Often, yeah. I learned to shrug that off through having an older brother. You might say something to him, get total silence - and then 2 minutes later or 2 days later he'll give you an answer. Unless you're certain that somebody hasn't actually received/heard your message it's better just to let it go if they're not responding.

 

I've sent him texts, but now it's making me feel needy and obsessive and not sure if I'm annoying the guy or not. On my last texts, I just came forward and basically just said that I've experienced similiar stuff in the past, and then I would run into the person down the line at a bar or something and they say, "I'm seeing someone, but I'm SO SORRY FOR not responding". And I told him, that how he's coming off, is making it hard to believe it won't go the same direction.

 

Now, what would have been wrong responding that? I think he just stringing me along.

 

Well, if he is then he's not going to suddenly not string you along and start becoming an attentive potential boyfriend based on those messages. I would really caution you against revealing insecurities like that. It's useful to have insight into your own feelings and to understand how your experiences impact on those feelings and your responses to certain situations. And, if you know somebody well and have a lot of deep and meaningfuls with them, you can discuss stuff like that with them.

 

However, with somebody you've just met who isn't showing that much interest in maintaining contact with you...not a good plan. They'll almost certainly perceive you telling them that as you sending them a message which is tantamount to "I'm insecure and it's your responsibility to communicate with me in a way that will make me less insecure." Even if that's not your intention, I do think that's how it's likely to be perceived and it will be an almighty turn off. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I doubt anybody ever succeeded in begging or pleading with somebody to fall in love with them. You have to be a little cooler than that, my friend.

 

Try not to be hanging around waiting for texts from this guy. Life's too short. If he's not responding and you're starting to fret about it, call a friend and meet up for coffee, or go to the gym, or engage in some hobby. But don't sit and fret about it, because that will only increase the chances of you sabotaging whatever potential this situation with the guy might have.

Silly_Girl Established Member

Silly_Girl

Posted
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Texting (I LOVE texting) is not always the best medium for these situations.

 

I couldn't be loved more than I am by my husband, but even now - and also in our early days - I text a little bit more than him. He would ignore a couple of texts and call me up instead.

 

If he's out on a bike ride I won't hear from him for 3 hours, if I'm doing something for 3 hours I will almost certainly have been in touch about something or nothing.

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
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What is up with that? They answer once for every 5 texts you send them, don't respond when you call and leave a voicemail asking them out, avoid pertinent questions and comments about the relationship...but they still communicate and don't ever tell you, they aren't interested?

 

Is this the same guy who you spent the night at his house on your first date about a week ago? Because...if so, you don't have a "relationship" with him yet. You are (were?) merely dating him. One date is not a relationship. It is hardly even the start of a relationship. A lack of communication after one date means one thing -- he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. At this early stage, it is very common for a guy to just poof without directly saying that he isn't interested.

 

Is this a bad sign? And if so...what kind of sign? I hate to jump to "they are seeing someone else" so fast, and it reeks of insecurity on my part. But, why would someone do that? Assuming the last date went well, and there's still an attraction there. I'm not talking about someone who just plain isn't interested. I'm talking about ones who leave you on the hook.

 

Yes, it is a bad sign. Men who are interested respond to your messages, they ask you out on dates, and they return your calls. They don't leave you wondering. When they are not doing these things, it is indeed a bad sign. While you believe the last date may have gone well, he may have felt otherwise. It may not even be about meeting someone else -- he may have simply decided you weren't the one for him.

 

Also...he hasn't left you on the hook. While your communication preference may be for him to directly say to you "I am not interested," he barely owes you that at this point. It's been one date. (I think? Correct me if I'm wrong.) He is is giving you very clear signs that he is not interested by not asking you out again and by not responding to your messages in a timely manner. Every now and then he may feel a little guilty, so he responds, but notice that he is not asking you out.

 

There's this guy now doing it to me, and it's driving me crazy. I send him message after message, and he doesn't say anything. Today, I text Happy Labor Day...and all he can reply is "hey, just leaving work been here since yadda yadda feeling tired". OK...but then I respond back and nothing. 3 more texts, nothing. Then he replies, then 2 more nothings.

 

Stop doing this. You are chasing a guy who isn't interested.

 

I told him I'm not trying to be clingy...but I like to make sure I'm on the same page when I first meet someone.

 

You are being clingy. Sending message after message to a guy you barely know when he isn't responding in kind is very clingy. You two are not on the same page. You want something -- he doesn't. I think it is time for you to move on...

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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Is this the same guy who you spent the night at his house on your first date about a week ago? Because...if so, you don't have a "relationship" with him yet. You are (were?) merely dating him. One date is not a relationship. It is hardly even the start of a relationship. A lack of communication after one date means one thing -- he is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. At this early stage, it is very common for a guy to just poof without directly saying that he isn't interested.

 

We haven't really gone on any dates. But, the 2 times we met up, it was a tantamount of interest. I was the one having to turn him down for sex with me that night. Because HE told me earlier that night, that he didn't want to just hookup and for ME to not expect sex when we got home. I just don't see how it went from that to this. It seems almost surreal for it to have been as good as it appeared when we hungout, with no sign of it not going anywhere...to how it is now, THAT quick.

 

He keeps saying he's making life changes. I asked him what does that mean, he won't tell me. One would say, it's non of my business...but the way he's saying it makes it seem like it is my business in a way. He's telling me this stuff, but being vague about it. Why tell me, if you're not going to be specific?

 

I know I'm probably doing everything wrong under the sun, but when you can't come to any explanation as to why a person is behaving the way they are doing when you KNOW that there was chemistry...and it happens almost overnight, you can't help but panic.

 

However, with somebody you've just met who isn't showing that much interest in maintaining contact with you...not a good plan. They'll almost certainly perceive you telling them that as you sending them a message which is tantamount to "I'm insecure and it's your responsibility to communicate with me in a way that will make me less insecure." Even if that's not your intention, I do think that's how it's likely to be perceived and it will be an almighty turn off. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I doubt anybody ever succeeded in begging or pleading with somebody to fall in love with them. You have to be a little cooler than that, my friend.

 

I was wondering about that myself. I just knew it probably wasn't the right thing to say, but I just wanted to say it anyway...because he told me all about his worries and fears and past with ex's...it's like, why can't I reveal a little something about things I've experienced? I know that's probably not how it works, but I don't know.

 

I definentely think I'll back off at this point and just relax. I'm not going to be waiting around anymore. But I'm wondering, what can I text back to 'override' what I just said. Or to basically, buy back what I said that made it sound insecure lol? Is there anything I can say...or should I just be done with it, delete his number and all messages and pretend we never met?

Edited by SubliminalSessions
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted
We haven't really gone on any dates. But, the 2 times we met up, it was a tantamount of interest.

 

He hasn't even taken you out on one date? I remembered you saying you ran into him at a bar, but I thought you had a date after that. How did you end up staying the night at his house?

 

I was the one having to turn him down for sex with me that night.

 

A man wanting to have sex with you is not the same thing as a man wanting a relationship with you.

 

Because HE told me earlier that night, that he didn't want to just hookup and for ME to not expect sex when we got home.

 

Blah, blah, blah. I mean...he said all of the stuff you probably wanted to hear and then tried to have sex with you anyway. Talk and actions did not match up. Who cares what he said that night anyway? Look at his actions now.

 

I just don't see how it went from that to this. It seems almost surreal for it to have been as good as it appeared when we hungout, with no sign of it not going anywhere...to how it is now, THAT quick.

 

I've had this happen. So has probably every other woman on this board.

 

He keeps saying he's making life changes. I asked him what does that mean, he won't tell me. One would say, it's non of my business...but the way he's saying it makes it seem like it is my business in a way. He's telling me this stuff, but being vague about it. Why tell me, if you're not going to be specific?

 

Because it sounds like you are bothering him with questions and texts?

 

I definentely think I'll back off at this point and just relax. I'm not going to be waiting around anymore. But I'm wondering, what can I text back to 'override' what I just said. Or to basically, buy back what I said that made it sound insecure lol? Is there anything I can say...or should I just be done with it, delete his number and all messages and pretend we never met?

 

I think you should forget about him and stop contacting him. Don't worry about overriding anything you said. What's done is done. If he decides to contact you to ask you out on a date, you can decide at that point whether or not to go. But IMO, this is dead in the water.

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
What is up with that? They answer once for every 5 texts you send them, don't respond when you call and leave a voicemail asking them out, avoid pertinent questions and comments about the relationship...but they still communicate and don't ever tell you, they aren't interested?

 

Is this a bad sign? And if so...what kind of sign? I hate to jump to "they are seeing someone else" so fast, and it reeks of insecurity on my part. But, why would someone do that? Assuming the last date went well, and there's still an attraction there. I'm not talking about someone who just plain isn't interested. I'm talking about ones who leave you on the hook.

 

There's this guy now doing it to me, and it's driving me crazy. I send him message after message, and he doesn't say anything. Today, I text Happy Labor Day...and all he can reply is "hey, just leaving work been here since yadda yadda feeling tired". OK...but then I respond back and nothing. 3 more texts, nothing. Then he replies, then 2 more nothings.

I told him I'm not trying to be clingy...but I like to make sure I'm on the same page when I first meet someone. I could easily play the silent, I don't care game either...but those usually end up fizzling out, and I don't want this to. I just don't understand how I can handle this because I'm trying to get him to speak...CLEARLY and DIRECTLY about things, and he just doesn't speak.

 

And this is a guy you haven't really had a date with yet?

 

You may not be trying to be clingy, but you definitely are and he's just trying to avoid you.

 

Why are you asking him and commenting on a relationship when you are clearly not there yet?

 

This guy is probably just terrified of how 100 more clingy you will become once you two are in a relationship...

Lansing Established Member

Lansing

Posted
Posted

I don't understand why people just don't respond. I usually aknowledge everyone's messages. If they help me/provide me info I will say "thanks", if they tell me something about what is happening or suggest plans I will respond to acknowledge/accept. I had one situation where this girl (female friend) was getting flakey so I just ignored her message ONCE. Because I didn't respond she thought I was mad at her and she was hesitant to contact me again. I guess by ignoring her it taught her a lesson because she is more responsive now but I have a feeling she will probably fall back into her old ways.

 

Anyway, I find it hard to just ignore someone and I really don't understand why/how others do it. I get busy/etc but I will respond to people even if it is just to say "hey, busy now, get back to you later".

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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

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He hasn't even taken you out on one date? I remembered you saying you ran into him at a bar, but I thought you had a date after that. How did you end up staying the night at his house?

 

Blah, blah, blah. I mean...he said all of the stuff you probably wanted to hear and then tried to have sex with you anyway. Talk and actions did not match up. Who cares what he said that night anyway? Look at his actions now.

 

Because it sounds like you are bothering him with questions and texts?

 

Because, the next day we met at the bar again. He seen me as I was walking in and HE was the one who grabbed me and started hand-holding me around all night introducing me to all his friends and buying my drinks all night. From there, that's when he started having the boyfriend/relationship talk real heavy with me. We went out separate ways afterwards, but he then invited me over to join him in the jacuzzi that night. Yeah we kissed, but we didn't have any type of sex because even though he was pushing it, I thought back to what he said earlier and didn't want it to be impulsive due to alcohol.

 

I don't know if I'm bothering him, but usually people who are bothered would just hint it more than simply not responding. I think he probably likes the attention, or like someone said...men are just like that I guess. Not all men...clearly.

 

I even told him, I'm not the type to be doing all that heavy attention like many guys do when you first meet them...and then 2 or 3 weeks later, they act like they never knew you. And I think, maybe he thinks I'm going to be like that. And I'm not...

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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

Posted
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Posted (edited)
And this is a guy you haven't really had a date with yet?

 

You may not be trying to be clingy, but you definitely are and he's just trying to avoid you.

 

Why are you asking him and commenting on a relationship when you are clearly not there yet?

 

This guy is probably just terrified of how 100 more clingy you will become once you two are in a relationship...

 

I'm not going to become more clingy in a relationship. From experience, once I start feeling more secure about things, I can go 2 or 3 days without talking to the person. And the only reason I'm doing this now, is because I deserve to know atleast whether I'm going to see the person again or not.

 

I know books say you shouldn't ask, "where is the relationship going' too soon, but can't I atleast get him to come forward with whether things may pan out or not? I'm trying to get him to be a man about things and speak up. I'm tired of sitting back and being quiet. I need to like pry em open and get them to speak and stop being a little b!tch about *****. Damn, when I don't like someone...I think of what I need to tell them. There was a time I had sex with a guy the 1st night, and then 2 weeks later we met and I was like NO WAY. But, the guy was in my house, spending a night having drove over 60 miles.

 

The next morning, I was a man about it...and told him that, for some reason things clicked really well the first time, but that this time, it's not on the same level. I said that in his face. I've told other people as well, hey...you're great, but I don't see it going anywhere. PERIOD. What's the probleM?

Edited by SubliminalSessions
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted
Because, the next day we met at the bar again.

 

So, do I have this right? Aug 22 you run into him at the bar. Aug 23 you run into him again, go hang out in his jacuzzi, and stay the night at his place. It's now Sept 3. He hasn't asked you out, he ignored your attempt to ask him out, and he's been pretty nonresponsive to your texts. Again, if he was interested, he would have asked you out on a date by now. What is your explanation for why he hasn't done that? It's been over ten days.

 

He seen me as I was walking in and HE was the one who grabbed me and started hand-holding me around all night introducing me to all his friends and buying my drinks all night. From there, that's when he started having the boyfriend/relationship talk real heavy with me.

 

He sounds like a big blowtorcher. Or maybe he was drunk. Talk is cheap when you're drunk. People say a lot of stuff that they don't really mean once the harsh light of day hits them in the face. Plus, didn't you see any pink flags about a guy who is giving you boyfriend/girlfriend talk who hasn't even taken you out on a date?

 

I don't know if I'm bothering him, but usually people who are bothered would just hint it more than simply not responding.

 

No, they wouldn't. This is so normal in dating. People get uncomfortable with having to directly say "I'm not interested" so they either don't respond or give lukewarm responses until the other person gets the hint. Men who are interested ask you out on dates. They just do.

 

I even told him, I'm not the type to be doing all that heavy attention like many guys do when you first meet them...and then 2 or 3 weeks later, they act like they never knew you. And I think, maybe he thinks I'm going to be like that. And I'm not...

 

But you are doing exactly what you said you weren't going to do. You are sending text after text even though he isn't responding. You are acting clingy. Don't worry -- he's not sitting there worried that you are going to blow him off after a few weeks. In fact, by now he's likely wondering why you haven't gotten the hint.

 

I'm not going to become more clingy in a relationship. From experience, once I start feeling more secure about things, I can go 2 or 3 days without talking to the person. And the only reason I'm doing this now, is because I deserve to know atleast whether I'm going to see the person again or not.

 

It's been over a week and he's made no move to try to see you again. My educated guess is that you are not going to see him again -- at least not intentionally. You may, however, run into him at the bar again.

 

IMO, you should not be this invested in a guy who hasn't even taken you out on a date. He has made no effort at all to see you. None. He just happened to run into you at the bar twice. That does not mean you have started a relationship with him or that he owes you anything. But, by all means, keep making excuses for him.

  • Like 3
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
I'm not going to become more clingy in a relationship. From experience, once I start feeling more secure about things, I can go 2 or 3 days without talking to the person. And the only reason I'm doing this now, is because I deserve to know atleast whether I'm going to see the person again or not.

 

I know books say you shouldn't ask, "where is the relationship going' too soon, but can't I atleast get him to come forward with whether things may pan out or not? I'm trying to get him to be a man about things and speak up. I'm tired of sitting back and being quiet. I need to like pry em open and get them to speak and stop being a little b!tch about *****. Damn, when I don't like someone...I think of what I need to tell them. There was a time I had sex with a guy the 1st night, and then 2 weeks later we met and I was like NO WAY. But, the guy was in my house, spending a night having drove over 60 miles.

 

The next morning, I was a man about it...and told him that, for some reason things clicked really well the first time, but that this time, it's not on the same level. I said that in his face. I've told other people as well, hey...you're great, but I don't see it going anywhere. PERIOD. What's the probleM?

 

 

I get that,

If you keep pestering him, he will definitely tell you it's not going anywhere.

 

Thing is - you may have had your chances before - it's just that now you are pretty much pressuring him into confirming if you are in a relationship or not. And I'm thinking his answer at this point is not.

 

You need to take things as they come with the next one (cause I personally think you're ****ed as far as this one goes)

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

Posted
Posted

I've sent him texts, but now it's making me feel needy and obsessive

It's because you are needy and obsessive. You desperately want an answer from him and he knows that he can take his time with answering, because there you are, waiting for a signal from him that he is still alive and interested.

 

And - it's your anxiety that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Keep your cool. Tell yourself, he can kiss your butt, if he doesn't want to reply. Have a good time with someone else.

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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

Posted
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Posted (edited)
He hasn't asked you out, he ignored your attempt to ask him out, and he's been pretty nonresponsive to your texts. Again, if he was interested, he would have asked you out on a date by now. What is your explanation for why he hasn't done that? It's been over ten days.

 

Talk is cheap when you're drunk. People say a lot of stuff that they don't really mean once the harsh light of day hits them in the face. Plus, didn't you see any pink flags about a guy who is giving you boyfriend/girlfriend talk who hasn't even taken you out on a date?

 

I don't know really. I don't know. I just know he got really emotional and deep with me and said he was getting over a depression and wanted to stop drinking. I know...sounds crazy and dramatic. But, we're young. And gay. Alot of men in this lifestyle carry a ton of baggage and drama...it's normal. The ones who don't, want a White guy or are already involved.

 

He said it when he was drunk, but he also said it during broad daylight...and I have an email on the dating App where he said he still wanted to go on a date with me after we met. Maybe it was a bunch of crap he was talking I guess. I don't know.

 

I didn't see any pink flags. I seen a White picket fence and red roses leading up to the alter when he had the boyfriend talk. OK, not really. But...I was relieved to finally have someone discuss this stuff together and I was really thinking FINALLY, I may have a shot at something steady for ONCE. I seen it as having met someone who was on the same page that I was. Hell, people who haven't talked about being boyfriends should have gotten red flags too in that case, because they never wanted to take it there to begin with...because by them not talking about it, they didn't want one. I would think that's something someone would talk about if they have any intention on being serious, right?

Edited by SubliminalSessions
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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

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Posted
It's because you are needy and obsessive. You desperately want an answer from him and he knows that he can take his time with answering, because there you are, waiting for a signal from him that he is still alive and interested.

 

No the hell I'm not. I said it just make it SEEM that way. I can provide for myself, and dump him and **** 5 guys in 1 week and not even remember his name.

 

I kind of wish I would have just ****ed him when I had the chance.

Taramere Established Member

Taramere

Posted
Posted
I'm wondering, what can I text back to 'override' what I just said. Or to basically, buy back what I said that made it sound insecure lol? Is there anything I can say...or should I just be done with it, delete his number and all messages and pretend we never met?

 

I think trying to backpedal or counter something you've previous said can just worsen situations. You're human, imperfect and you made a little error of judgement that amounted to being a little bit too clingy. It's not a capital offence. You haven't committed any serious wrong, and I think it would be a big overreaction to handle the situation by deleting his number and messages. Just try to put him out of your mind and focus on other things. If he calls, you can always pick things up with him again.

ThisGal Established Member

ThisGal

Posted
Posted (edited)
No the hell I'm not. I said it just make it SEEM that way. I can provide for myself, and dump him and **** 5 guys in 1 week and not even remember his name.

 

I kind of wish I would have just ****ed him when I had the chance.

 

Yuck! :sick: You would only make yourself even more obsessed if you had sex with him. You haven't and you're already this clingy.

 

Have some self-esteem, some pride, some dignity. You are obsessing over someone who does not even remember you exist (until you send him text messages) then he forgets again. He's not interested at all. No matter how much he pretended to be. He's not.

 

Just stop! You're humiliating yourself. He's not interested. Get that through your thick skull. Delete him #, move past this and learn a lesson. And please, stop having sex with random strangers. STDs exist (even with protected sex). Take a break from meeting anyone/dating and focus on yourself, your self worth. There is a deep-rooted reason why you allow and accept this type of behavior, be honest with yourself and address these issues otherwise the unhealthy pattern will continue. Shift your focus on loving yourself and you won't end up in these unfortunate situations. We all make stupid mistakes, move on and take this as a lesson learned.

 

P.S. give bars a much-needed break. Sheesh. Oh and be safe, stop going to random stranger's home on the first night, very unsafe and foolish.

Edited by ThisGal
Nikki Sahagin Established Member

Nikki Sahagin

Posted
Posted
What is up with that? They answer once for every 5 texts you send them, don't respond when you call and leave a voicemail asking them out, avoid pertinent questions and comments about the relationship...but they still communicate and don't ever tell you, they aren't interested?

 

Is this a bad sign? And if so...what kind of sign? I hate to jump to "they are seeing someone else" so fast, and it reeks of insecurity on my part. But, why would someone do that? Assuming the last date went well, and there's still an attraction there. I'm not talking about someone who just plain isn't interested. I'm talking about ones who leave you on the hook.

 

There's this guy now doing it to me, and it's driving me crazy. I send him message after message, and he doesn't say anything. Today, I text Happy Labor Day...and all he can reply is "hey, just leaving work been here since yadda yadda feeling tired". OK...but then I respond back and nothing. 3 more texts, nothing. Then he replies, then 2 more nothings.

 

I told him I'm not trying to be clingy...but I like to make sure I'm on the same page when I first meet someone. I could easily play the silent, I don't care game either...but those usually end up fizzling out, and I don't want this to. I just don't understand how I can handle this because I'm trying to get him to speak...CLEARLY and DIRECTLY about things, and he just doesn't speak.

 

When two people like each other they WANT to talk to each other. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, they just aren't that fussed.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

Posted
Posted
No the hell I'm not. I said it just make it SEEM that way. I can provide for myself, and dump him and **** 5 guys in 1 week and not even remember his name.

 

I kind of wish I would have just ****ed him when I had the chance.

You depend too much on his reaction. That makes you needy.

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SubliminalSessions Established Member

SubliminalSessions

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Wow...so I guess it's really done with huh. It's not even so much 'accepting' the bahvior or having some deep rooted issue. It's just I feel some people do these things not because they aren't interested, but they themselves have some kind of fear of something.

 

2 years ago, I met a guy on 1 date. It didn't go anywhere and he told me a few days later that he was seeing someone. Well, 2 years later...this guy is aggressively hitting me back up. The catch was, he was like 50 pounds heavier and looked like absolute ****. I have no idea what happened to the cute guy I met before. It was surreal. He then cited the reason he didn't take it further was my ****ing shoes! He chose to wear flipflops to the date.

 

I need to just stay away from White folks and Mexicans. They neurotic like that.

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