Aero-el Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 We're both in our late twenties, so we're not immature college kids. Went on two dates with this girl. No kiss or hug at the end of both. At the end of our second date, she mentions about going out of town for a month and would like to get together for a third date. She returns and we’ve barely spoken, both in person and on the phone. Last week, I texted her this: Me(10pm): Up for a yummy smoothie tomorrow? I know a little place at XYZ and if you play your cards right, I just might take you there. :-) Her(5:30pm the next day): I might have to take a raincheck. I just got home and I have some student reports that I have to finish for tomorrow, which takes a while. Maybe another time? She teaches special ed and I texted her pretty late, as she gets up around 5am to teach school. I talked to my buddies and they all say that the “maybe another time” really means ask her again at a later time. However, since she didn’t counter offer, was she politely saying NO? It’s been over a week since that text, but I don’t want her to think I lost interest. How should I proceed with this? We see each other through mutual acquaintances/friends at least once a week. Next time we'll see each other is Monday, at a local coffeehouse for open mic night. I'd like to hear from both men and women on this; I don't care how nice or harsh the opinions are as long as it's backed up by reasoning. Thanks all.
Lani Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Yummy smoothie' ? If you are in fact an adult, please do not use the word 'yummy' unless you're speaking to a child. As for wondering what to do next? You follow it up and ask again. She said she needed to raincheck, and that she wants to do it some other time. Take her for her word. Ask her out again in a day or two. 1
MrCastle Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 She said another time. That's better than a plain old no. She is probably taking this extremely casual. She's working you around her schedule as opposed to the other way around since you're just some dude (no offense, I'm just saying how she sees you). I don't think this is a total loss. Wait a week or so and ask again. See what she says.
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 She said another time. That's better than a plain old no. Not by much I don't think this is a total loss. Wait a week or so and ask again. See what she says. I disagree. This guy is toast. 2
Balzac Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 She's a school teacher and is well aware of how to schedule her time. Special Ed just adds to her temperament. You sure you want to date a teacher who hangs all day w mostly women and challenged kids? It's a crazy world.
CC12 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Me(10pm): Up for a yummy smoothie tomorrow? I know a little place at XYZ and if you play your cards right, I just might take you there. :-) I get that you were trying to be playful, I guess, but may I suggest that you not phrase it this way in the future? Just ask her if she'd like to meet up with you next time, don't make it sound like it's something she has to earn. She was open to rescheduling. So try again to arrange another date for your yumyum smoothies or whatever the ****. 1
Lani Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I get that you were trying to be playful, I guess, but may I suggest that you not phrase it this way in the future? Just ask her if she'd like to meet up with you next time, don't make it sound like it's something she has to earn. She was open to rescheduling. So try again to arrange another date for your yumyum smoothies or whatever the ****. I don't mind the 'if you play your cards right' part of it (although it wouldn't be smart to do it twice in a row). It's the 'yummy' part I have a problem with. But really, she said 'maybe some other time' and I think she meant it. Try again and perhaps just ask her when she's free because you'd like to take her out. If she offers up nothing then you know you're done with.
MrCastle Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Yummy is not an issue. You should see some of the stuff I used to write and get away with and have it be successful. If someone is into you, you can pretty much say anything. The only part I have a problem with is the "play your cards right" thing. It sounds like something a pick up artist would say to try and boost his value. It's one thing if the girl asked him out and he jokingly said "if you play your cards right :p" to tease her, but saying it without it being warranted makes you look like a try hard, in my opinion. But like I said, if someone is into you, you can say pretty much anything as long as it's not offensive and you'll be fine. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Yummy smoothie' ? If you are in fact an adult, please do not use the word 'yummy' unless you're speaking to a child. As for wondering what to do next? You follow it up and ask again. She said she needed to raincheck, and that she wants to do it some other time. Take her for her word. Ask her out again in a day or two. hey lain.....grinnin....i am having yummmmmmmmmmmehhhhhhhhhhh roasted beetroot for dinner and my hands are now purple.....smilin....yummmmmyyehhhhhhh cant beeet a roooooyal beetroot...lol...did i annoy you did did i did i...slinks off with purple hands comes back....ooooh i agree by the way lani follow up.......back on topic......totally agree rain check means follow up in aussieville...deb 1
Lani Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 hey lain.....grinnin....i am having yummmmmmmmmmmehhhhhhhhhhh roasted beetroot for dinner and my hands are now purple.....smilin....yummmmmyyehhhhhhh cant beeet a roooooyal beetroot...lol...did i annoy you did did i did i...slinks off with purple hands comes back....ooooh i agree by the way lani follow up.......back on topic......totally agree rain check means follow up in aussieville...deb Deb! You are the best and couldn't annoy me if you tried.
Kizza Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Did you return a text saying "yes sure, another time. When is good for you?" If she makes a time your in. If she umms and ahhs and makes excuses then you are not in. I think she is ummmm not keen. If that was me writing that text and I was keen (I am female) I would write "another time!" Raincheck? If I write "maybe" it generally means the odds are slim to none that it'll happen.
Sunshine87 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Yummy is not an issue. You should see some of the stuff I used to write and get away with and have it be successful. If someone is into you, you can pretty much say anything. The only part I have a problem with is the "play your cards right" thing. It sounds like something a pick up artist would say to try and boost his value. It's one thing if the girl asked him out and he jokingly said "if you play your cards right :p" to tease her, but saying it without it being warranted makes you look like a try hard, in my opinion. But like I said, if someone is into you, you can say pretty much anything as long as it's not offensive and you'll be fine. Spot on! Some guy said this to me about three weeks ago and it put me off. I thought to myself "what makes you think you're so special"? I wasn't even into him and he knew it so it was pretty annoying. However I don't necessarily think that the OP has blown it. Why don't you give her a call today to say hello? Ask her about her day/ class she took. Be nice and warm and humble. Feel her out from the conversation and then arrange a meeting tow days later.
Sunshine87 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I actually like the "yummy"comment so I disagree with the other posters about that. Like Castle stated, the only thing that made me cringe was the "if you play your cards right" comment. But hey, nothing lost yet in my opinion. Just tone down and be nice and genuine!
Author Aero-el Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Thanks all for the replies. I'm not going to call/text her because it's hard to gauge what her body language is via phone. I'm going to wait until Monday to contact her when our group of friends meet up for open mic night, do a bit of feeling her out to see if there's any interest left to salvage.
clia Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I think you've already let this go for too long. You last texted over a week ago and now plan to wait nearly another week to ask her out again? Why? You've already lost a ton of momentum due to her travel. Why risk losing more? I think if you really like her, you should call her tonight and ask her out for Friday or Saturday night. Also, for future reference... Last week, I texted her this: Me(10pm): Up for a yummy smoothie tomorrow? I know a little place at XYZ and if you play your cards right, I just might take you there. :-) Stop and think about what you did. At 10 o'clock at night you asked her out for the next day. Isn't that a little last minute? It just comes across as very lame. Also, IMO, you should be upping the ante for Date 3, not taking her out for a smoothie. That's a nice first date or established relationship date, not a good third date activity. IMO. Her(5:30pm the next day): I might have to take a raincheck. I just got home and I have some student reports that I have to finish for tomorrow, which takes a while. Maybe another time? Did you respond to this text? If not, if I were her, I would think I'd been blown off. It’s been over a week since that text, but I don’t want her to think I lost interest. Too late. I'd be thinking that you met someone else or weren't that interested by now.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I think you've already let this go for too long. You last texted over a week ago and now plan to wait nearly another week to ask her out again? Why? You've already lost a ton of momentum due to her travel. Why risk losing more? I think if you really like her, you should call her tonight and ask her out for Friday or Saturday night. Also, for future reference... Stop and think about what you did. At 10 o'clock at night you asked her out for the next day. Isn't that a little last minute? It just comes across as very lame. Also, IMO, you should be upping the ante for Date 3, not taking her out for a smoothie. That's a nice first date or established relationship date, not a good third date activity. IMO. Did you respond to this text? If not, if I were her, I would think I'd been blown off. Too late. I'd be thinking that you met someone else or weren't that interested by now. This. A week is a long time to respond. Either send her a text pronto, or cut your losses and move on.
Author Aero-el Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 This. A week is a long time to respond. Either send her a text pronto, or cut your losses and move on. Hmm. I see. If I am to contact her, should I call or text? This part I have trouble with.
TB Rhine Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Call her and invite her out to DINNER. Kiss her early in the date. If she begs off or things don't go well, you'll have your answer. 2
fanine Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Please I would say just call. It would be far more direct than a call and text messages can so often be misconstrued. Good luck x
Author Aero-el Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) What some of you said makes sense; I did wait too long after she returned to town to contact her. What if I cut contact from her for a month or two and gradually restart from there? Kind of like "resetting" our dynamic. Anyone ever done something similar like this? Just no contact with said person for a certain amount of time and when you see said person, it's like meeting them new again and just "start over". Edited September 3, 2013 by Aero-el
spiderowl Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Firstly, I would not have liked your text as it sounded childish and patronising to me. I wouldn't be interested in a guy who expected me to 'earn' him. If he texted me very late at night when I had to get up for work in the morning, then he'd be lucky if I replied at all that night. Whatever you may think of this woman and her job, she is a very responsible person doing a responsible job where people skills really matter. She is likely to be very skillful at dealing with difficult people. She's not going to want to spend time with someone who plays games. I think you should be more respectful of her and treat her like the wise adult she probably is. Having said all the above, start again. Just phone her one day, at an earlier time of the evening and say you enjoyed her company and would she like to meet up together for a drink or a meal, or to go to some event of interest. Be straightforward, honest and caring. She has a stressful job. She probably wants to spend her time with a sociable, intelligent guy who is fun but knows how to treat her with the respect she deserves.
Sunshine87 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 What some of you said makes sense; I did wait too long after she returned to town to contact her. What if I cut contact from her for a month or two and gradually restart from there? Kind of like "resetting" our dynamic. Anyone ever done something similar like this? Just no contact with said person for a certain amount of time and when you see said person, it's like meeting them new again and just "start over". Why on earth would you do that? Do you realise how this might across? Does the word "back up" girl come to mind? Jeez just call her already instead of expending another month of energy and mind games. Call her and speak to her like an adult. She probably thinks you are very unserious/ a flake/uninterested and my bet is that she wants someone mature/stable. Call her as soon as you can.
FitChick Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Not even a hug from you at the end of the second date? I wonder if she even went out of town or just pretended to. You don't sound like a very confident, dynamic guy. I don't think she's interested. See how she acts when you see her in a group. Be brave and go up and hug her, "I haven't seen you in over a month! You look great!" 1
GG3 Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I probably would have given the same response to a "yummy smoothie" if I played my cards right kind of date offer. At 10pm. 3rd date. In our late 20's. I'm thinking don't wait. Ask her to dinner in a gentlemanly way. Ask earlier in the day. And if you don't get an easy yes then back off.
FemmeMystere Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 She probably turned down the smoothie date because it's slightly lame. Come on, you're adults. Ask her out to dinner, or at least somewhere worth getting out of the house for (and make reservations ffs). It seems like you need to loosen up and show her more romantic interest. Did you not kiss because you were waiting on her to kiss you? Hold off on the humor via text until you know each other better.
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