Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Is that me forgotten about?' He said something similar to me once when I asked for space and didnt text him in 1 day!
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 No. Say nothing. Thats why its called No Contact. 7
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 I was hoping that after a month, things will have calmed down and chatting would be an easier thing to do. I dumped him so I feel I should!
Trimmer Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I was hoping that after a month, things will have calmed down and chatting would be an easier thing to do. I dumped him so I feel I should! So why do you want to chat, and why do you think you should? 1
Lani Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Urhg, no way. Stay no contact. And if you do decide to go the silly route and text him, do not send that. It just sounds needy and whiney.
Trimmer Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Is that me forgotten about?' Can someone translate that to American?
Lani Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Can someone translate that to American? 'Have you forgotten about me? After everything we went through, all it takes is one little argument for you to go ninja no contact on me for a WHOLE MONTH!? Now I'm going to be all passive aggressive about it and pretend I care for you, even though I am the one who dumped you. I'll lure you into a false sense of friendship and assumptions of more to make myself feel better, then I'll break your heard again and it will hurt more than the first time. Then I get to feel even worse because I tried, then I can tell everyone I did the right thing' Got it? 4
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Trimmer, I mean in normal circumstances, you'd be advised not to get in touch with the person as they have dumped you so you don't want to hassle them so I obviously want to text him but I'm unable to judge whether it would be appreciated or would it just be me, giving in and looking desperate after a month? Lani, wasn't like that at all. I want to get back with him because I love him and enjoyed his company. I didn't mess him around like you say. I reacted very impulsively to some pictures, which I am sure most women would have done in my position. It was hard and upsetting and I was heart broken. They were very suspicious indeed but in the end I found out it was innocent enough. I was always a good girlfriend and trusted him fully. I also apologised for what I said at the time of the break up and he knows that I want to get back with him. He was always very wary about trust as he was cheated on a few times so it took him a while to trust me so me dumping him rocked that which I suppose, is why I havn't heard from him yet. He is also going through some things so perhaps he would appreciate some contact? (Perhaps not what I suggested)
saltyfishhead666 Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 NC is for "moving on" not for any other purpose. As I said the other day you accused your boyfriend of cheating on you. Most women would think "hey something's going on here" and ask not accuse. If you don't trust him, which you don't and he now knows you don't have much of a relationship left at all. Don't text him, email him, write him on facebook or call him. If he wants you he will contact you. I would say you've blown your chances there though 1
Lani Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Trimmer, I mean in normal circumstances, you'd be advised not to get in touch with the person as they have dumped you so you don't want to hassle them so I obviously want to text him but I'm unable to judge whether it would be appreciated or would it just be me, giving in and looking desperate after a month? Lani, wasn't like that at all. I want to get back with him because I love him and enjoyed his company. I didn't mess him around like you say. I reacted very impulsively to some pictures, which I am sure most women would have done in my position. It was hard and upsetting and I was heart broken. They were very suspicious indeed but in the end I found out it was innocent enough. I was always a good girlfriend and trusted him fully. I also apologised for what I said at the time of the break up and he knows that I want to get back with him. He was always very wary about trust as he was cheated on a few times so it took him a while to trust me so me dumping him rocked that which I suppose, is why I havn't heard from him yet. He is also going through some things so perhaps he would appreciate some contact? (Perhaps not what I suggested) If this is the case, then why on earth go with that as your first contact? If I had gotten that from an ex I would be furious! Be a little gentler, and open it up for him to open up to you. Not for validation that he still wants to hear from you. You broke up with him and hurt him (I know you were hurt too, but you were the one to cut it off). You don't now get to be like that.
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Yes Lani. I actually wasn't the one cutting the contact. I did my best to tell him how I felt and I know that he loves me and wanted to get back together but was worried about the trust issue. However, we had a conversation a month ago in which I asked him to be frank with me about his intentions and not to just brush me off. He said he wasn't doing that he had a lot on his mind. I know what these things are but Im not sure sure whether these things would make him 'not contact' me, if you know what I mean. He didn't respond to the last text I sent in this conversation and I didn't want to send another incase he felt hassled. I thought the space would make him come round but it hasn't, as yet. I was close to getting him back soon after the break up so I feel like on the one hand, there is leeway to get him back and I worry I may have ruined it by not texting him again and on the other, I feel, He knows what I think of him and what I want and the ball is in his court? It's been nearly a months and I was doing well until last night and this morning
Trimmer Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Have you forgotten about me? After everything we went through, all it takes is one little argument for you to go ninja no contact on me for a WHOLE MONTH!? Now I'm going to be all passive aggressive about it and pretend I care for you, even though I am the one who dumped you. I'll lure you into a false sense of friendship and assumptions of more to make myself feel better, then I'll break your heard again and it will hurt more than the first time. Then I get to feel even worse because I tried, then I can tell everyone I did the right thing' Got it? Ha ha, yes, thanks for both the literal translation, and for the psycho-social interpretation. That helps frame the situation! Trimmer, I mean in normal circumstances, you'd be advised not to get in touch with the person as they have dumped you so you don't want to hassle them so I obviously want to text him but I'm unable to judge whether it would be appreciated or would it just be me, giving in and looking desperate after a month? If you dumped him, and then ask if he's forgotten abut you, it would make you look . . . boy, I can think of all kinds of adjectives, and none of them are flattering. I'm with Lani - why would you lead off with that? If I were him, and you dumped me then came back with that, I agree with her: I'd be pretty upset. I'd feel like you were toying with me, or being super-arrogant or dismissive, or something unpleasant. Definitely don't start off that way. I think your best bet is sincere, apologetic if you can pull it off, and heartfelt. Not the time for joking around. 1
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Trimmer, when I dumped him, we were in contact for about a month after that so the nc didn't start from the off. We were even getting on well at one point. He said he needed space then texted me the next day wondering how I was doing and for the next few days too. Soon, we were talking everyday. I'm hoping that the difference between thena and now is that this issue that he's having in his personal life is taking up his mind. Wishful thinking perhaps :/
Kizza Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 'Is that me forgotten about?' He said something similar to me once when I asked for space and didnt text him in 1 day! What a stupid text ... passive aggressive and immature. If you are going to break no contact then at least be nice and cordial
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Kizza, do you think breaking no contact is wise? I dumped him but He is technically the one not contacting me. I don't want him to just forget. I really don't want to throw away what we had.
Kizza Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 If you don't want to throw it all away then why did you dump him in the first place?
Omei Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Kizza, do you think breaking no contact is wise? I dumped him but He is technically the one not contacting me. I don't want him to just forget. I really don't want to throw away what we had. You left him you told him it was over, so now he has every right to no longer deal with you, forget and move on. Let him.
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Because I saw suspicious pictures, that at the time, seemed unforgivable. I was heartbroken and thought I had been taken for an idiot for right months.
Omei Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Because I saw suspicious pictures, that at the time, seemed unforgivable. I was heartbroken and thought I had been taken for an idiot for right months. And you blew it by dumping him instead of talking it out, now he's picked to not speak with you because you're his ex. It sucks but thats how it is now you know and have learned in the future not to be so rash so quickly.
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 My point here is should I say something? I want to. I feel I'd regret not giving it a try.
Kizza Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) And you blew it by dumping him instead of talking it out, now he's picked to not speak with you because you're his ex. It sucks but thats how it is now you know and have learned in the future not to be so rash so quickly. I would have to agree with this. There was a more rational way to deal with the situation than dump him right off the bat. He has chosen to go NC. It is his choice to continue NC so therefore if you really want to say something then say something like " I am sorry for over-reacting. I wish you all the best. That is all. Take care" If he responds then ok. If not, then leave him be. At least you will know for 100% that you burned the bridge and you can move on with the lesson in hand. Personally though imho it seems that you did not trust him whilst you were with him and that is a big red flag, so maybe you should learn the lesson and move on. It has been a month and it has taken you this long to start missing him and regretting your decision, therefore I think contacting him will get you nowhere. Edited September 3, 2013 by Kizza 1
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Kizza, We were in contact for a month after we broke up and he knows how I feel about him and I've apologised many times and explained everything. We were getting on really well. I know he is going through a certain issue just now and he said to me that is why he wasn't in touch. I told him to be frank with me and not to give me brush off and he insisted he wasn't doing that. But he didn't reply to the last text I sent in that conversation, it's been a month nearly. Maybe he feels because I dumped him, I should be doing the work of texting him? P.S Yes, I was a complete idiot by being hasty about it. It stemmed from hurt though and it did hurt. I've told h all this already. He's not being straight with me about what he wants which is why I feel I should try and get in contact again incase he thinks I'm past him...
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 Do you want to be back with him? Do you want to talk about the issues you had and start over? If so, say THAT. Ask to meet up. It goes two ways: either he doesn't want to know at all, in which case you go back to NC and forget about this for good, or he wants to know, in which case you can take it from there. If you don't want to be back with him, there is no point in texting him. 2
Author Dreamer100 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Posted September 3, 2013 Yes I do. I'm just afraid that he think I'm pathetic and pining for him. It's difficult.
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 If he doesn't want to get back with you, then it doesn't matter whether he thinks you're pathetic or not, because you'll be broken up. 1
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